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Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia
Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia

Episode 1 · 1 year ago

Episode 1: Adversity

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

On this first full episode, Carmen and Olivia discuss what adversity means to them, their personal experiences of adversity and what they have learnt along the way. This episode discusses mental health issues.


Connect with us over on instagram @nakedtruthpod, Twitter @nakedtruth_pod and Facebook at Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia.

HIG everybody welcome to naked truthwith Carmon and Alipia. Today we are going to talk about adversity and I guess considering the currentchallenging Chart Times werind it's. He perfect topic to talk about. Obviously, in current events, N in thenews we've all seen, the black live matter protest and that's adversity ona much bigger level than anything I have ever experienced myself. But youknow it is something Ese at the forefront of my thoughts the moment butCarmon, and I will be talking about our own personal experiences of adversity,to share how it shaped who we are today. So first OALL we're going to start withhow we would define adversity so come, and what does it mean to you hiavibligy,so yeah adversity, its the find of thing. For me, it's an I'm pleasant inAitetic sintation. That normally takes me through fall emotionl world costem many timesfor years and when I think about emotional ror, cosand feeling sining itto free, mainly a lot of stress and society and very a lot of unhappiness, and it takes me always from mycomfortable Zon to a panic song, and I feel this wetont notice. I just go likethat, a there in the panic son and it's very unpleasant beay and I'mPleasan kidniy. What about you on yeah? I mean I'd agree with yourdefinitionis for Meaversity, something that you're going through, that you'rereally struggling with so a real challenge and a real hard shit, but also it's something that can reallystrengthen you ifand when you get through it, but it can be quite hard torecognize what benefit you do get from going through adversity, particularlyat the time that you're going through it. But it is really something that you can look back on itand see what you'R learnings are. It can be really helpful for dealing withfurther adversity in the future. So common, would you like to share withus all a very open, honest and naked? Eb of adversity from your life- Yes, so this is- is Tan years I's been ten years since thatso I was working for a big corport and I was the typical Extemprin Payng,always cofilling my objectives, so we would be very happy amazingrelationships with e RMORD and I was there for very long time and I decided to have a kid and I had a fantastic fendancy and duringmy fienacy a lot of people were living. So you got to a point where the todeliver the main deadlines: Wheno Ther Wash, I strap land. They were having a lot of problems. IfI left to some to go my maternity, so I decided to stay niterally three daysbefore I deliver my baby, so I nearly deliver the baby there and they wasdoial thy Cressmul situation. So when I left, I felt so much in love, then youfet. I look at them like my second family, really because I spend moredays with them than with my own family and I did life to be with them and theywapected me and I felt usually a lot of people came to the bar because he was adrinking company, ther of persons amazing wards from the top guy, so Ifelt loved wit. I felt really happy so Wen in to maternt, and I came backafter thirty months and three weeks later, I was meant to have a meeting with myHosse to sit down to Agram, objective colier. For me, an myteam and the news was that IV been...

...demoted. So three weeks later, Iliterally lost nearly fifteen pousend pounds that would pay my nussery for noreason, because it was no major business decision where they needed tocut cost in any way. But the top boss wanted to restructure the team, and hejust made that decision and at the same time- and I was- I gotwo y friend me and my boss- he knew my panel lost sixty thousandhouds in business. So it was a really tough time for the family, so I waswadingking in the way you know I was being professional, was crying sayingto them. PLASE, don't do this to me and the top guy he just ane, my voisecouldn't do anything. He was just a messing genmidy, so I went to the topdireter and he just said to me: Look The struct is Pratet. Now there'snothing I can do so. I felt really betray I felt very hard. I fer that Igave so much time and effort to this company and it WIS Fagai Ter. Theytreate me like that, and you know like I knew my collegue wuld belive in sixmonths and I was begging them not to do this to me and should give Ale in sixmonths and the problem will be sort of, but they didn't want to hear. So what ten to happen is I spend yearsin years becoming addictive, blaming on then being angry and persentful, and Icouldn't leave Itas aned a job and my parer was not working and with mentalhave Tissur, so I just couldn't leave that job. So I had to put a fixed mileand go to work and surprisely, and nowadays, when I need manywomenincorporate, there's so many cases like that, the motion acto maternity,it seems like a Panden. They can no bodies doing anything about it. So anyway, what happened was the IT Goeso bad that I spent probably near earlier year where I had to go to apark to cry before I went to work because I didn't want to cry at homebecause I had a baby and I didn't want to bing all these patemotions and I just couldn't I needed that so Iused to go to apart near my house. Ey, we have crying a go to work wit, a faxemine on my face, superprofessional, a demit and after a while I remember one day. Ijust wanted to cry like I woke up and I couldn't cry anymore and I thoughtwhat's going on. I want to cry, but my bodhy didn't want to cry and otherpoint. It was the day I stopd being a bit Ting and somehow my boty and mymind start to working on. You know this Isson, you, you can blame hen, you knowthe planet, the director, you cam everybody else, but you have the driveof you Germaan. You know you can co something different if you want to so Imade a decision to start running by the river. Very earlie went a several oclokbefore I went to work and I supposed to becialize in a different future and Isuch o thinking. Perhaps I can't do a myown. Perhaps I need to ask for Heltand BETTES STI Mein, I'm weak, because I never asked what hed before and hadplenty of covasities. I never look at people who are for her as Wik. I lookat me if I ask fo Hel a Wik and it's the sily thing. Isn't I you Tul youselfdifferent from others, because I will never judge an Yo goty if they ask wilHALP, so I went to a conpoling, I started running and I start tobisalizeing what IV really wanted to my head and thinc e starte changing. Suddenly Iwas hastogetting everything I wanted and I started wolking on myself withthe farity of these move forward. Bat, it was just really tough just to gothrough and, as I said, is not my case. Only there's so many women in corporatshaving to go through this and there's so many people saffen in silence...

...but yeah, and when I look at ut lookback the wool top lag Rom. It was a lot of Leven here in this in this in thissituation, but yeah, I still you know when I got that question. When you mystomach, I still scosh a little bing. You know butteplice, I ti lot years. Tobe honest, it was Thainkful, it was very mameful, but you know it' yeah.WHENEVER YOU AL was it lonely? Sorry, I'm just ignoring that you've asked methe same question again butdid. You find it quite lonely goingthrough that sort of by yourself until you realized you could ask for help ats obtately, because the thing is manypeople when we go through so much the problem that we ave is weko inwards bygoing inwars. It makes even worse because suddenly you become addictingand to become adicting I's, never good, because when you are viting, you blamemothers, but yourself, because if you ego working on you thinking, I'm a goodgirl. I work with E halffol this company. I believe, all the time I givethe WIEPASE theyare the guilty ones, but it just doesn't work like thatbecause you can't be on your own, you know, and I it was a really I had. Iwas so sick in Tiret of talking to my friends about my Tine that I stopptalking to my friends about my Tine. So I had nobody so my fater was sil. Icouldn't talk to him. I didn't want to talk to my codics because I just wantedto. If I did, I couldn't I couldn't pook up put a fake Mie, that's myLordday! I will you know grate in the office hut its something I would not do and all these decisions you mightmomealong the way that ARL wrong in a way. But you goin through the motions,Wot Ogo, the rodico sayin, you do you best anddiversis, you best av! Thatpoint just looking back now, I can tell you that would talk about I latr Om.What should I be doing, yeah to Mak a Soro to make it better for myself, butwhen you go in through- and you know, I'm Spanish on etrimity emotionalcharacter, so I feerf the motions much more than many people, so it was just really thanful. Did yousay it was like? I just felt like like? If the you know this tappeme inthe sold, you know with a knife, it was just really really painful and, as Isaid, I couldn't talk to anybody. I didn't talk to my family. I didn't so.I was very, very lonely and very unhappy. Iwas in a very daup day to the point that one day I thought that perhaps hewould be better. If I want Andi know, I will never do that. Yeahlife is too precious, but now I understand how people can go throughthat, because you can go so deep in theviciou circle of emotiments and paying and pain n pain, and you can become solorly Yow journy that you look at Tereboldand people who are mice to me,but they couldn't they couldn't come close to me. I didn't allow it. I putall these wars around me and it was really lonely, really Lonin assistence. What about you? Olivia Yeah? It'sreally interesting that you mentioned that kind of almost physical pain from going throughadversity. That kind of you, you can almoyst, feel it physically, as well asas that mental anguish and that's something I've certainly experienced aswell when I was in the police and since Ileft the police. So after I graduated university, I joined the police because I did afrensic science bace degree, and I kind of wanted to do something to do withthat, although admittedly actually been...

...a police officer, there's not a lot offorendsic science that you actually do. U, it was good to have thatunderstanding of it. You know it's good to not leave my fingerprints everywhere,like some pice aftive, and you know my first five years, I think ofe been inthe police, I loved it. I loved it more than Icould have anticipated. It was so much fun. It was, you know, just going job o job to job no day with thesame going out and police cars driving far sirens on all things that I neverthought I would enjoy. I always thought I just want to be a detective. I don'twant to do this front Linester, I don't. I don't want to fight for people and then you do it and you're like wow.This is really fun I can do you can just get paid to go to work, and youknow just just be lake with your mape and have this good time, and I was really good for those thirstfive years of just dealing with pretty much anything that was thrown at me.Any serious effent offensive that maybe some other people struggle to deal withit. Just I was just able to deal with them like compartmentalize things in myhead and and just get by and be absolutely fine and then, after five years it was kind of like my brain just gotfull, but I couldn't just take on any more bad thingshappening and witnessing bad things, and I noticed that things were stayingwith me. A lot longer like I'LD, be thinking about them after work. I havea dream about them. I say dream ut closer to nightmorth about them, and Ihad about a year of that getting progressively worth and worth and notmentionit to anybody, because you don't want to thi weak. You don't want to youknow you can't Ofan be sectioned or you know,you're having all these terrible thoughts but being in the police, you,you do sometimes section people, so some of your Sexuali people thinkingwell theyre sayner than me and we're cutting them off to the hospital. Nowit's a you know, it's a scary thing. We are like, or you know, mental health.That's that's what can happen to you. You could be sections, you could bethis. You could be that but yeah just day after day it was justseing, a very dark side of humanity. You know a lot of poverty, a lot ofabuth murder, chald sexual exploitation, racism, really poor mental health services. Youknow police dealing with mental health rather than NHS, because all that ervices have beencut going to suricide- and I just you know, got to a point where it waslike my my head: Just couldn't take it anymore. It was just like no things Yu.You can't deal with this anymore and I was you know: Driving home from I'd, befine at work and I'LD be fine at home, but like driving to and from work. I wouldjust be in tears like just crying whilt. I was driving home because that emotionthat come out somewhere and I just became a lit- more withdrawand kind of snappy N, irritable roller coast Ar ride of emotions veryextreme, or if I wasn't feeling extreme emotions,I was jus very numb, wasn't really feeling anything at all and there were a few things thathappene at work that I don't even think I can remember all of them now, but itwas like a slow buildup of things going wrong like not getting a particular job,not not getting the Christmas bonus. Ishould have got and things like that. Just all happened, and it wasabsolutely the straw that broke the...

...camels back and I was on. I came in fora night shift one night and I was just really angry and I couldn't deal withany members of the public person I worked with, had to speak to basicallyeveryone for us, because he was like there's something wrong with you. Youcannot deal with people at the moment and then the next night it came in and I just couldn't- stop crying. I justwanti to see a specter's, ofthice and Haw to fill on breakdown like nothingI've ever experienced before, like you know, couldn't breathe properly oscrying so much, and I was really lucky that the person I have this breakdown infront of had some personal experience of mental health and she was like. Idon't want to worry you, but I really think you might havedepression and you need to theodoctor do this. Do that so she masially sent me home. I gethome at like two o'clock in the morning, John Phot. What are you doing? O' NotMit, to be home? For am I thought I've been sent home as I hada breakdown and my infector thinks I've got depression and he started laughingat me and then he realized. I wasn't joiing really Wa the truth. I becausehe'd hade, no idea there was anything wrong with me. Well, I'm sure he hadnoticed. Th T. I wasn't right, but you know he didn't. It wasn't something I spoke to himabout, so it was a bit of a surprise for him,but the next day I did go into the Doctov and spoke o the receptionist toof course said No. You can't have adoptor appointment,because you know it's always difficult to get ti KP. On the same day and again,I us first into tears. It was like my I just the waterworks opened and I feel like Ihaven't- stopped crying thinge. I crid so easily now since that day, but luckily that I was so lucky thatreceptionist booked mean, with the absolute best gp I ever had everanywhere. He was so understanding he finally offOm work. He didn't immediately give me medication. He was like, I think youwill need. I think it would be useful if you have antidepresents, but let'sgive it a couple of weeks. If you just been away from work, see how things are,he got me immediate access to counseling CBT, and I I was with him for you know a fewyears whilst I was going through all of this, and I'm really really lucky that I hadhim because you know I did get access to the services that I needed. So I hadcounseling from the nx check. Had it for much longer than the sixweeks I meant to get it for they just kept giving it to me. I did get startinagdepressents whichreally helped. Oh I've been having terrible flashfactsand the antidepressment clas put on made me sleep really well, so I juststopped having all these horrific flashbacks of terrible things ihad some time of work. I think I had four months off.Initially, we then went back in on like reduced duties. Shorter hours shorter week, built it utbuilt up built it up, but one thing that really helps me going through this time. s reallystrugging of mental health was that I was very, very open with my colleagues.If anyone asked where I've been or what happened, I told them exactly literallywhat happened like all this stuff built up. I had a breakdown. What I actually was diagnosed with inthe end was post Ramatic, dress, disorder, anxiety and depression insortof those order that order, so depression is actually the kind ofthe bottom of the pile. My anxiety was much worse, Fhan, my depression nd,...

...so I was very upar with them an you goow di they reactit when you were so open, brilliant just so like. I think, really. I think, surprise that someone has beenso open, but also Jus, really supportive and then the amount ofpeople who came out and were like. Actually I had to have you know a fewmonths off before because of this or Ol that I just found so much more aboutother people's mental health. You know there were a few and ittendedto be senior management team whe'd go. I had a couple of weeks off his stressonce you know it's not the same thing. I don't want to put you down, but it'snot the same thing. You're getting stressed. AOUT budgets, for a couple ofweeks, when you made a decision to to behonest about, what's going through your life and to say you know what I'm goingto tell people wet, you feing scared about reaction, so you wonl quit. No. Ithink I was so beyond kind of really. I think the antedecrestment Aras onnumbed me a bit and also there was a bit of me. I think thatjust I didn't want anyone to e there's areal stigma in the police and I m many jobs. I don't thinkit's just plaseabout the thick, lame and lazy the people who get put on light duties, butther's not really much wrong with them and they get away with it for years, and when I was suddenly in thatposition, you Suden realize that ecause, that's really unfair! You to have thesepeople. We have no idea what they're living with what they've been throughyeah. Maybe one percent of them are absolutely fine and there's nothingwrong with them, but that doesn't discount N ad ninety nine percent, whoare actually really going through something. So I think there was a realkind of desire on my part to make sure peopleknew like no theres genuiney, even soing wrongwith me, and I'm going to tell you exactly what it is and I don't care howshocked you are that I'm being thiopen about it, they so grave. To be honest,because I think I think one of the problems thats well is like in my headsI was like incorporate you can' undo. This peoplewill judge you and I'l looking back. I think we areall humans and of course, you can' avoid people. Judging you bavingonceent. I think many will understand me because probably they were throu inJerny as me, but yet you as a woman as Wellin corporate you have to be strong.You know like because of woman. You know like onand all this rubbishbusiness, but my the way I took I it was I can. I can know Y with a fewpeople I'm very close to, but I can not tell anybody because I would be judgedand probably I wouldn't now be put for Promotoms, etc. So yeah the STICKMA. Idon't think I, the Politionony, I think, I's in Marr, yeah yeah and I did find you know on thewhole, it was very well received. People were very receptive toit. People were glad that I told them thatI have been open. It also stopps that gossip, it's youknow like anywhere. It's a very gossipy place to work, Andso, the more honestand open you are. The less people can gossip about you because you're the oneshouting about it and telling everyone, but you know there were the old personwho not didn't take it. Well, not you knowthey weren't, I didn't feel judged, but I definitely felt they werevery open at. They didn't understand it, which is fine thet. You know it wasn'tsomething they'd ever been through. They had very different.

I don't know personality, differentemotional responses to think and they could never ever see themselves being in that position, but you know Istill didn't feel judged by them. It was just yeah, I don't get it like. You Know Don'K, but don't get. It could be the tablet. No, I don't know Ao. I Miss Those tapits O top it o theywon't. Let me have them anymore: they're, like a really controverse.They were really old fashioned, antitoprecedent and but the first onesthey put me on gay. He really bad restless leg, so I just couldn't haveany of that type. So the doctors at ill put you on this really oldfashioned one B. It was brilliant and then I, when Imoved, I changed GPS and they were just like horrified that I was on thismedication n so toxic. I isn't it fine, GA, butright. My original GP is like well. You've got to way up. Is someone goingto harm themselves because of how like depressed anxious, whatever they'regoing through hes like in you, that was much highr risk than the very minor chance that you have ananverse reaction to the medication and you know you've been always beenmonitored on a four weekly basis. Yeah. I saw him every four week like a good,probably half an hour. We always ran like so yeah do. That was good goodmedication. But anyway, getting back to the story. I went back to work. IMAUSE DT- andthis went on for quite a while. I did a few different KINDOF department, Dida,really great work and was feeling really positive, still struggling thatgetting there still having different counseling. I moved on to counseling with like the fource Councelor, who did PTFD stuff like where they try and do funny things with your eyes to makeyou nihe forget, move the emotions, the right part of your brain. That can'tremember what, if called so. I had that she wasn't as good atSuall as tha the NHS one, but you know it was still better than not having anything. Butwhilst all this was going on when I've been off sick an then when Icame back to work as haping to go through case confeences to you know, manage me back into theworkplace and see what was going to happen, and when could I be full timeagain? When could I work night again? All that kind of thing went on like amonthly basis, and one of the good things in thepolice is that if you join the Police Federation, which is their version ofunion, you get federation representation at every meeting likethat, and Oh my God that was worth all the stubs I ever paid into federationto have them there fighting my corner because before I have them involved, their hur department would just sayanything they wanted to me, and they never spoke to me that way in front ofof the federation rap like try, persuade you, but ou used to be such agood officer, sort of implying that you weren't any more like. I still am I'mjust ill it', sto very good at my job. I just mead some time. So all that waskind of Gi on going on going on, and eventually they basically told me, Ihad to go back on twenty for seven police response, emergency response,whereas I had been spending quite a lot of time, just doing appointments. SoI'm still going out and see members o public that it was like between nine am and ten PM. They haveappointments that you go out and see them about minor crime. Nothingparticularly stressful, because one of the things that really triggers my ptfdis dealing with unexpected things,...

...which is a big issue in the police n, the DAIYAC yeah. So they told me I had to go back. Do itwas something really stupid like I had to go back for two weeks: Do Twenty foseven response, but not actually twenty four seven, because I still couldn'twork night. So I wasn't even going to be aligned to one team I' be workingwith different different people, but always be finished by like ten o'clockat night ia up for two weeks, and then I wasallowed to go back and do the job I actually wanted to do. WIC Just keepdoing the appointment, so I'm not really sure what that dodgydeal was all about, but in the end istutidly said yes because I just waslike. I just want to be done with case confidences. If I can just do those twoweeks, I can go back and do the job I want to do and then I'm therepermanently and it's a lot bed for my mental health, etc, etc. I did oneshift had a much worse breakdown than I everdid originally was off fit for a year and they they wouldn't. Let me back, Ikept trying to go back and they wouldn't let me because they would onlylet me go back to immediate response to twenty o sevenemergency policing. They wouldn't let me go back to any other department, sowe negotiated federation and I negotiate with them. For me to bemedically retired, it does mean I'm technically a pensioner, it's quite good. I don't te it's a tinypension. I get, but I get it. I get it for the rest of my life, so you knowit's worth it in the end, but yeah it was. It was a reallydifficult time because you know at points I woeln't to Siicideal Lacard. I wasactually going to do anything, but I very much had I planed out in a reallyrational kind of oh when life gets too much. This is how I deal with it. I'mgoing no do XON head, I'm not there, but I'm just you knowI've. It seems weird now to have such arational plan of Oh, my exit plan for when all Tis goes completely. TIPPD upwill be Todo. To do that, I know I'm like ogod. Thank God I gotthrough all of this. You know I really struggle to trustpeople because I felt like I couldn't trust senior management team HR, occupational health. I found it really hard to get a jobafter I left the police having me medically retired, because at first isebeen really open within ployers about you know why I'd left and no one toknow so then I have to start hiding it, and you know when I ended up in a corporatewere working in r. They didn't know because there's no way out of I justknew I wouldn't have got that job if I ever told anyone yeah what I'd beenthrough and in the end that got really hard andou know of having renap s every so often nothing as big as I ever did in epolice, but funny things will trigger my PTFD, because it's not anything todo with what I ricinally caused but like. If I see a road trafficaccident I'll start panicking, and I was nothing to do- winh ro trafficaccidents. Why I ever you know had ptfd so yeah things, you know odd thingshald happen and I just get really overthy upset more than anybody else.So I've been back for counseling a few times and that's really helped, but since leaving the corporate world,I've decided to be a lot more open again and just tell people and it's just such a weight of yourshoulders to be able to be open about it. So you it was areally hard bote kind of...

...last few years and the police werereally really hard and then probably like a year after that, aswell tim feeling, a lot that not and that'sthe thing I maybus like all the way through I no it's very hard. I wasalways able to joke about it and try and make Lihe O it. You know it was really really the mostdifficult thing I've ever been through. Hopefully, the most different thing Iever will go through. I'm really difficult for, like your friends andfamily to fee as well to ort of live that with you, Bu Yeah. I think I think I've kind ofcovered everything I mean I could go into it. A lot more detail, we've beehere for about three hours. If I told you everything sorry so I think we should probably talkabout, then our kind of you know what did we learn from what we've what we'vebeen through, so what wat O en yeah? For me, it's several things whet wetalking. What we talk about here is Jus Trem, aversity its not like sudthingyou get a but new, or something like that really is rind. It's just doestomework to be on your own and become a victim. Of course you have to gothrough your emotions, and all of that, but one of my biggest learnis for me isto ask for help is a sign of strength, no waknesses, and that was an importantlesson to me because I dare myself very harshly. The other thing is not to tell people. I think when youshow you you are vulnerable. People can connect with you at the end of the day we at all having crap lifes here andthere we arbut, because we feein corporate you have to have setain peSONA and you have to be professional because thes one look at hing and lookat him and you compare yourself with others, but by showing you toself, youget more connected with people and you they can help Youl. You can help thembecause suddenly people they will go. You know what I'm goinnasow myself aswell, because Comin is doing aolivias, doingit, Rwe, aretualy, really well andthink part of this afferance is because we don't sowe ourselves wehave this.This ideas dispersing our heads that this is the behavior should have incofort or in the police Ayou. Now the day we hare all humans with the samecrap and Whan I learn a lot, is unetremly resourcewol recivte end thetem in in AER survivor, but too much. It goes to a stream where I think I'mlike a dirosel battery. I can go forever and I can work and I what itwas see my paying and even if I had to come fom and I need to sot ot in theSTAIS, because I'm physically so tires and so much thing emotionallyphysically tit can walk tree fo lost. I have to stop on the second one becauseshe says too much for me and to be honest, its not good for you.So I thing Sel, compassion and self love a super ci here, because ItitYourself, like you, know what I'm thiling CRA and it's okay, because tobe honest, anybody in my situation with the crap and the other thing is lastingfor me. I, like I, was doing alivea from Asi. It lookamazing I had on. I made some cop money. I had a dog, they was the MEDIOCA lifebecause he wasn't what I was meant to do. It didn't touch my heart the way. Ilook at that in one of my Lamis to sometimes adversity as paticities. Ithas to come into our lives conact for us to move our ASTNS. I be doing thisthis job, some beport until the day I...

...die esential. I think the universegiving you Tis Wi you to grow up for you to go to the next Meel, because ifyou don't get aversity wit to aterating, I will ever need the GROP. I will everdo this and we never ut with adversity. You are being pushed to make certaintough decisions and because you have to so there's no excusees anymore, becausethe problem is Ewe, learn how to live in this level of unhappiness thiy. WeAre Unhappy but thins, okay, because we know how to do this and happiness. Soin a way I look at it like I don't em, I don't like it when it comes into mylife. I look at Itmore from a curious point of view like what do I have to dohere that not dit yea, so yeah? That will be my. What about you dyou? I think my kind of Nice, surprisinglearning I had from et all was that, despite how Hagh it was, it'sHo horrible. It was and just like how you know it took years to get to thepoint I am now. I wouldn't change anything, wouldn't change a thing, because Iabsolutely believe it's made me who I am today, I'm nicer, I'm moreempathetic. I understand myself a lot more. You know I appreciate things so muchmore than I ever did, and it's really taught me the importance of Selfcare, like yousay that selfloved self compassion, looking after yourself and it' pushedme to go, you know, I'm not. Life is too sure I'mnot staying unhappy and miserable and depressed and anxious. You know anxiousto the point where at you Ar catastrophising, absolutelyeverything that is going on in your life and you think all these herrificthings are going to happen to people and that somehow that you're so important thatit, it's all your fault, that all this stuffs can happen Li they don. I thinkI am that I'm gonna call all this stuff to to happen, and I find it really useful if I am havinga bit of a tough time now to just think how far I've come since then. But if Ican do that, then I can do that next thing that I'vebeen putting off that's a little bit difficult or not too keen about doingyou know it really does help drive me forward and having had a couple of relapses, I can I'm now much better place to recognize on those feelings are comingback. What sort of interventions I need to put in place what I can do to minimize the impact or where to gethelp and, like you said, the importance have beenope and honest and telling people if you know been such a huge learningpoint- and I know it's a very popular kind of topic like people keep talkingand let's talk about mental health, but we have to be realistic that in theworkplace, that still is a very longyen object. Yeah, it's so difficult and wish I'd never stopped being open about it, becauseyou know I was so open and I got such a good response from it and then struggleto get a job and then completely shut myself off and that's a very, verylonely place to be and when times do get tough. Not only do you have to explain whatyou're going through at the moment, you almost have to explain everythingyou've already been through because you haven't been open with people about it. So yeah think my key thing is as awful as anything is that you gothrough, and this doesn't go for...

...everything. There will always becertain things that are kind of off limits from this comment, but in ingeneral anything that you're going through. If what can you learn from it and don't regret it? It's just it's just life in Os Gr and to behonest for me, is like a damce few steps forwards. Yes, Hav Bat, it Iscoidies life and in a way, I think if we want to be good coaches, there's no way.If we go didn't go through advacity and the toughness of life o thing, you canhelp people, because we arread things from a book y. You can know the toolsand all the ferris, but you don't understand your clients as much andwhen you go through this Gournay, you wouldn't understand them too yeah AC.What they going through and whae took you to get out of it yeah, but yeah andit makes a it's a weird because one hand. I agree that youunderstand what they're going through, but not only that. You also understandthat you completely don't understand what they're going through. Then it'svery, very individual to them. Like my experience, Os someone sayime to me, I was off of stress for a couple ofweeks and just been infuriated like that is not what I'm going through.This is yourable flashpacks of things I'mhaving thet. This is thinking all these awful things are going to happen, andyou know it's not. Oh, I've had a bit of a long day been abit bit stressed and I'm not putting that down. I'm just thinks a verydifferent thing, but it's that ability to be like you know: I've been through reallytough times. I can empathize to a degree it what you'regoing through, but I will never know exactly what you're going, but I know that if I can get throughsomething tough, you can go through something tough like we all can. That was quite positive, isn't it yeah yeah we like positivity and come, and Iknow you put together like a quick kind of strategy for listeners if they'redealing with adversity just some sort of ideas for them of how to deal withit at the moment yeah. I thonht it couldbe interesting because, with thewhole Varus hat, I don't things thare happening. It's my important tape. Youknow F, we can give the listeners Tima litle model with FEU strategies. Theycan follow. There's no like a lot of work on them me the firststep and the one I didn'tdo during my life. We need to accept reality and Assom aspossible, because I spend years just fighting and every time we fightreality, we always lose so colfis for what it is. You know, like you, didn't get a promotion Wull I didnot get a promotion. Itdues Yo mean that you gos doesn't like you. You KnowWork Yor at you know gooding the job because we createhe stories in our hear.So we need to stop the story. It's just callit for what it is, the aversity youhave in font of you. The next thing is, you can think about the second strateis.What can you do about it? What is some that you control that you can do rightnow to make your situation better? There would be many things like esamplewith the Varus that you know you can fo and many things Owa. We are not the bigdecision Makurs here, so it just focus on the ever. You can control and e Parsof putting Atton in place and what I mean action is just what can I do andthen focus only on the next step. You can write everything you can do, buttoday im going to write what I can do to death and then tomorrow I will write aboutwhat I'm going to Di Tomorrow. So just keep focusing on the next to steap, notto Baten yourself with over wordn an...

...anciety and that's really important.Only in the next steps and the lest two are important. What we talk aboutbefore self love and self compassion, the problem we have in life. It is thatmany of us we have', been taught how to love ourselves, and I think that is theroot of many empowmental Halisures, because once you lan for to loveyourself and be assertive, then you can love other people. So don't judge yourself in adversity bekind to yourself. You will make many mistakes, but there is another daywhere you go okay, another day where we can take ation and make it better andit will be step forwards and upwards all the time. So just don't judgeyourself too much and then te Shunos keep visualizing new future. Thiscoming soon, this much better and have the top of mine where this Arversit isnot going to be in your life and keep feeling that the future be there in youmind and I think tays will works. Fom Me the Septiv Reality Action, action,action, self love, a self compression N, an officialize, a better future.Without this auvacity because sic they don't last for him yeah, and it can be quite if you're going through that. Obviously, hopefully, those steps willhelp, but sometimes you really do have to ask other people for Healp as well,whether that's Notalia, GP friends family, your both occupational health,you know whatever you've got access to coach counselor, whoever you feel isbest suited for whetever you're going through and who you're happy to speakto. They Tu really help you move forwardwith those kind of getting some clarity around your thoughts and actions. Ifyou know you're struggling to do it yourself and there's you know it's so much easier.If you have someone to kind of hold your hand along the way and help youfind your way out to that Andin e tram adversity. I truly believemany of us we cane to a orrom yeah yeah. That was my expample. I have many in mylife, the one I yeah Caus, one of them and y pays forever an you know recoverbecause I'm still working on the damage tewn, because Ye at the right time youcan help you're reay working in yourself. You know, and you believe, to your pans, an owthat so I tuly believe help is a mast when it's very trem apacity and whenyou ase for heap you brav Youre, strong, Youre, Awak, yeah, yeah, the opositeyeah, and remember that you will get something from it. It may not feel itat t a time it might take you. You know a year afterwards to suddenly go. What do you know? What actually Ididn't enjoy it? I hated every moment, but I did get this one thing from it. Idid learn this about me or you know at least I'm not doing that thing anymore,whether it's you taste your job or left a relationship or what whatever it is.If you know head towards that, rightorfuture that you're visualizing. Yes, a so Li a te Sendis with a good note in is I agood night ohman a lot of pressure there. I hope you've all enjoyed diive into our personal experiences with adversity,and, if you like, to connect with us on social media, you can see us oninstagram and twitter at naked truth, pod. Actually, I'm live.There have Ang ifeto twitter had to change because somebody had taken italready, can't remember what we called it now I'll run it out and put it inthe description, Ye h, Watakin to Gush...

Pot or something Joe, I think, you're right if aun, yes,Hor Instagram is at naked truth pod and twine at naked truth. UNDERSTOR POD andour facebook page is naked truth podcast with Carmon Andalivia, and ifyou like, to collaborate with us and share your story, our email addressesnaked truth pod at gmailcom, because we will be looking for guests to come up on future episodesdepending on what our topic is and we'll try and match. People based ontopic, but it', be great to have some more more voices to share their honestand and naked truth with us. So tell your friends about to spread the wordstay on this stay you and most of ull stay naked by Fenowi Mello.

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