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Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia
Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia

Episode 1 · 2 years ago

Episode 1: Adversity

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

On this first full episode, Carmen and Olivia discuss what adversity means to them, their personal experiences of adversity and what they have learnt along the way. This episode discusses mental health issues.


Connect with us over on instagram @nakedtruthpod, Twitter @nakedtruth_pod and Facebook at Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia.

Hi Everybody, welcome to naked truth with Carmen and Olivia. Today we are going to talk about adversity and I guess, considering the current challenging chart times we're in, it's the perfect topic to talk about. Obviously, in current events in the news, we've all seen the black lives matter protest and that's adversity on a much bigger level than anything I have ever experienced myself, but you know, it's something. It's at the forefront of my thoughts the moment. But Carmen and I will be talking about our own personal experiences of adversity to share how it shaped who we are today. So first of all we're going to start with how we would define adversity. So, calmen, what does it mean to you? Hi, everybody. So yeah, advergency the kind of thing for me send. I'm pleasant in an especial situation that normally takes me through a whole emotional royal court many times for years. And when I think about emotional royal course and feelings, so needed too free, mainly a lot of stress and society and vary a lot of our happiness, and it takes me always from my comfortable zone to a handic some and I feel there's with Olnies. I just go like that and there the panic sun and it's very unpleasant really and unpleasant feeling. What about you on leaving? Yeah, I mean I'd agree with your definition. It's, for me adversity something that you're going through, that you're really struggling with. So a real challenge and a real hardship, but also it's something that can really strengthen you if and when you get through it. But it can be quite hard to recognize what benefit you do get from going through adversity, particularly at the time that you're going through it. But it is really something that you can look back on it and see what your learnings are. It can be really helpful for dealing with further adversity in the future. So calm and would you like to share with us all a very open, honest and naked example of adversity from your life? Yes, so, this is is saying years. Has Been Ten years since that. So I was working for a big conference and I was the typical exemplary employee, always put filling my dad years, everybody very happy, amazing relationships with everybody and I was there for a very long time and I decided to have the kids and I had a fantastic pregnancy and during my premnacy a lot of people were leaving. So you got to a point where the to belive the main deadlines. One of them was a strutland. They were having a lot of problems if I left too soon to go on maternity. So I decided to stay literally three days before I delivered my baby. So I nearly delivered the baby there and it was really stressed with situation. So when I left I felt so much love and in fact I look at them like my second family really, because I spend more days with them that with my own family and I did like to be with them and they respected me and I felt seriously a lot of people came to the bar because he was a drinking company sort of presidents, amazing words from the top guy. So I felt loved really, I felt really happy, and so I went into maternity and I came back after thirteen months and three weeks later I was meant to have a meeting with my boss to sit down to agree on objective for the year for me and my team, and the news was that...

I've been demoted. So three weeks later I literally lost nearly Fifteenzero Times that would pay my nursery for no reason, because it wasn't no major business decision where they needed to cut cost in any way. But the top was wanted to restructure the team and he just made that decision and at the same time, and I was I got them who were friends me and my boss. He knew my panner lost sixtyzero pounds in business. So it was a really tough time for the family. So I was wagging heing in a way. You know, I was being professional. I was crying, saying to them, please don't do this to me, and the top guy he just I knew my boss couldn't do anything. He was just the Messenger really. So I went to the top director and he just said to me, look, destructures, perfect. Now there's nothing I can do. So I felt really betray I felt very hard. I felt that I gave so much time and effort to this company and it was really unfair they treating me like that. And you know, like I knew my colleague with leave in six months and I was begging them not to do this to me, and she did leave in six months and problem will be so often, but they didn't want to to hear. So what tend to happen is I spend years and years becoming a victim, blaming on them being angry and was sentful and I couldn't leave because I need a job and my partner I was not working and with mental health issues, so I just couldn't leave a job. So I had to put a fake smile and go to work. And surprisingly, and nowadays, when I need many women in corporate there's so many cases like that and motion and maternity. It seems like a pandemic and nobody's doing anything about it. So, anyway, what happened was that it got so bad as that I spent probably near earlier year where I had to go to a park to cry before I want to work, because I didn't want to cry at home because I had a baby and I didn't want to bring all these fat emotions and I just couldn't. I needed that. So I used to go to a partner and my house earliery of crying and go to work for the fakes, mine on my face, super professional and don't much. And after a while, I remember one day I just wanted to cry and I could. I woke up and I couldn't cry anymore and I thought, what's going on? I want to cry, but my body didn't want to cry. And other points. It was the day I saw being a victim and somehow my body and my mind started working on you know, this is on you. You can blame, you know, the planet, that direct, your partner, everybody else, but you are the driver of you journey. You know you can choose something different if you want to. So I made a decision to start running by the river very area. I went a settle the shop before I want to work, and I started to visualize in a different future and I started thinking perhaps I can't do it on my own, perhaps I need to ask for help, and that does sae mean I'm weak, because I never ask for help before and have plenty of adversities. I never look at people who ask for help as week by look at me if I ask for help as week and it's the silly thing, isn't it? You to do yourself different from others, because I will never judge anybody if they ask for happen. So I went to a componing, I started running and I start to visualize in what I really wanted in my head and things are started changing suddenly as Parst to getting everything I wanted and I started working on myself with the therapy and things move forward. That it was just really tough just to go through. And, as I said, it's not my case only. There's so many women in corporates having to go through this and there's so many people suffering in silence. But yeah, and when I look at but look...

...back, they would talk later on. It was a lot of learnings here in this, in this in this situation. But yeah, I still, you know, when I got that question, when you my stomach stills goes a little bit. You know, butterflies is still last years. To be honest. It was painful. It was very gnateful, but you know, it's yeah, whatever, you fail you was it learningly, sorry, I'm just ignoring that. You've asked me the same question again. But did you find it quite lonely going through that sort of by yourself until we realize you could ask for help? But totally, because the thing is many people, when we go through so much, the problem that we have is we going worse. By going in wards. It makes even worse because suddenly you become addicting and to become a victim. It's never good because when you're a victim, you blame others but yourself, because it's you ego working on you, thinking I'm a good girl, I work really hard for this company. I believe all the time I did the right things. They're the guilty ones. But it just doesn't work like that, because you can't be on your own, you know, and is it was a really I had. I was so sick and tired of talking to my friends about my pain that I stopped talking to my friends about my pay. So I had nobody. So my father was ill, I couldn't talk to him. I didn't want to talk to my colleagues because I just wanted to. If I did, I couldn't. I couldn't put up put a fakes like that's my Lord Day I will, you know, break in the office and it's something I will not do. And all these decisions you making along the way, they're all wrong in a way, but you going through the emotions, so through the roller coast they and you do you best. And you, guys, is you best at that point. It's just looking back now, I can tell you that would talk about a later on. What should I need doing? Yeah, to make a short to make it better for myself. But when you going through and you know, I'm Spanish, so I'm extremely emotional character, so I feel the emotions much more than many people. So it was just really painful deep, he say, it was like. I just felt like like if they, you know, if this stapped me in the soult, you know, with a knife. It was just really, really painful and, as I said, I couldn't talk to anybody. I didn't talk to my family, as didn't so I was very, very lonely and very unhappy. I was in a very dubt day, to the point that one day I thought that perhaps it would be better if I went and I know I will never do that. Yeah, life is too precious. But now I understand how people can go through that, because you can go so deep in the vicious circle of emotions and paying and pain and pain, you can become so lonely you journey that you look at the bibordying people who are Minice to me, but they couldn't, they couldn't come close to me. I did think allow it. I put all these walls around me and it was really lonely, really lonely persistence. What about you, Olivia? Here it's really interesting that you mentioned that kind of almost physical pain from going through adversity that kind of you you can almost feel it physically as well as as that mental anguish, and that's something I've certainly experienced as well when I was in the place and since I left the police. So I after I graduated university, I joined the police because I did a forensic science base degree and I kind of wanted to do something to do with that, although admittedly, actually been a...

...police officer, there's not a lot of forensic science that you can actually do. It was good to have that understanding of it, you know, it's good to not leave my fingerprints everywhere like some police officers. And you know, my first five years, I think, of been in the police. I loved it. I loved it more than I could have anticipated. It was so much fun. It was, you know, just going job to job to job. No Day was the same, going out and police cars driving, far sirens on, all things that I never thought I would enjoy. I always thought I just want to be a detective, I don't want to do this frontline stuff. I don't know, I don't want to fights for people. And then you do it and you're like wow, this is really fun, I can do you can just get paid to go to work and, you know, just just be like with your mates and have this good time. And I was really good for those first five years of just dealing with pretty much anything that was thrown at me, any serious offense, offenses that maybe some other people struggle to deal with. It just I was just able to deal with them, like compartmentalize things in my head and and just get by and be absolutely fine. And then after five years it's kind of like my brain just got full, but I couldn't just take on any more bad things happening and witnessing bad things, and I noticed that things were staying with me a lot longer, like I'd be thinking about them after work, I would dream about them. I say dream, that's closer to nightmare about them. And I had about a year of that getting progressively worse and worse and not mentioning to anybody because you don't want to see week. You don't want to you know you can't often be sectioned or you know you're having all these terrible thoughts. But being in the police, you you do sometimes section people. So some of your sectional people thinking, well, they're saner than me and we're cutting them off to the hospital. Now it's a you know, it's a scary thing. We are like Oh, you know, mental health, that's that's what can happen to you. You could be sections, you could be this, you could be that. The yeah, just day after day it was just seeing a very dark side of humanity. You know, a lot of poverty, a lot of abuse, murder, child sexual exploitation, racism, really poor mental health services. You know, police dealing with mental health rather than NHS because all their services have been cut, are going to suicide. And I just, you know, got to a point where it was like my my head just couldn't take it anymore. It was just like no, thanks you, you can't deal with this anymore. And I was, you know, driving home from I'd be fine at work and I'd be fine at home, but like driving to and from work, I would just be in tears, like just crying whilst I was driving home because that emotion had to come out somewhere, and I just became a bit more withdraw and kind of snappy, in irritable roller coaster ride of emotions, very extreme, or if I wasn't feeling extreme emotions, I was just very numb. Wasn't really feeling anything at all. And there were a few things that happen at work that I don't even think I can remember all of them now, but it was like a slow buildup of things going wrong, like not getting a particular job, not not getting the Christmas bones I should have got, and things like that just all happened and it was absolutely the straw that broke the camel's back and I was on. I came in for a...

...night shift one night and I was just really angry and I couldn't deal with any members of the public. Person I worked with had to speak to basically everyone for us because he was like this something wrong with you, you cannot deal with people that the moment. And then the next night I came in and I just couldn't stop crying. I just went in to see Specter's office and had a full on breakdown like nothing I'd ever experienced before, like, you know, couldn't breathe properly who was crying so much. And I was really lucky that the person I have this breakdown in front of had some personal experience of mental health and she was like, I don't want to worry you, but I really think you might have depression and you need to see a doctor. Do this, do that. So she basically sent me home. I get home, it's like two o'clock in the morning. John said, what are you doing for time? It's to be home till Az am. I thought I've been said how? Because I had a breakdown and my inspector thinks I've got depression and he started laughing at me and then he realized I wasn't joking, really the truth. And then, because he'd have no idea there was anything wrong with me, roll I'm sure he had noticed that I wasn't right, but you know, he didn't. It wasn't something I spoke to him about, so it was a bit of a surprise for him. But the next day I did go into the doctors and spoke to the receptionist to of course, said no, you can't have a doctor's appointment because you know it's always difficult to get fish and keep on the same day and again I just burst into tears. It was like my I just the the water works opened and I feel like I haven't stopped crying. They didn't. I cry so easily now since that day. But luckily that I was so lucky that receptionist booked me and with the absolute best gp I ever had ever anywhere. He was so understanding. He signed me off and work. He didn't immediately giving medication. He was like, I think you will need I think it would be useful if you to have antidepressents, but let's give it a couple of weeks, if you've just been away from work, see how things are. He got me immediate access to counseling, CBT, and I said I was with him for, you know, a few years whilst I was going through all of this and I'm really, really lucky that I had him because I, you know, I did get access to the services that I needed. So I had counseling from the NHS. Had it for much longer than the six weeks you're meant to get it for. They just kept giving it to me. I did get started anty depressents, which really helped. Oh I've been having terrible flashbacks and the Anti depressents last put on made me sleep really well. So I just stopped having all these horrific flashbacks of terrible things. I had some time off work. I think I had four months off initially, but then went back in on like reduced do teeth and shorter hours, shorter weeks. Built it up, built it up, built it up. But one thing that really helped me going through this time I was really struggling with mental health, was that I was very, very open with my colleagues. So if anyone asked where I've been or what happened, I told them exactly literally what happened. Like all this stuff felt up. I had a breakdown. What I actually was diagnosed within the end was post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety and depression. Instead of those order, that order. So depression was actually the kind of the bottom of the pile. My anxiety was much worse than my depression, and so I was very open with them.

I'll do they reacted when your wrestle and it brilliant, just so like I think really I think surprised that someone has been so open but also just really supportive. And then the amount of people who came out and were like actually, I had to have, you know, a few months before because of this or that I just felt so much more about other people's mental health. You know, there were a few and it tended to be senior management team who would go. I had a couple of weeks off of stress. Once you like, it's not the same thing. I don't want to put you down, but it's not the same thing. You're getting stressed about budgets for a couple of weeks. It's not that. When you made a decision to be honest about what's going through your life and to say, you know what, I'm going to tell people where you can need scared about reactions. So you want way. No, I think I was so beyond kind of really I think the Anti depressments I was a numbered me a bit and also there was a bit of me. I think that just I didn't want anyone to there's there's a real and stigma in the police and and many jobs. I don't think it's just the police, about the sick claim and lazy, the people who get put on light duties but there's not really much wrong with them and they get away with it for years. And when I was suddenly in that position, you suddenly realize that, because that's really unfair view to have all these people, we have no idea what they're living with, what they've been through. Yeah, maybe one percent of them are absolutely fine and there's nothing wrong with them, but that doesn't discount the ninety nine percent here actually really going through something. So I think there was a real kind of desire on my part to make sure people knew, like no, there's genuinely been something wrong with me and I'm going to tell you exactly what it is, and I don't care how shocked you are that I'm being the opal about it. They so great to be honest, because I think, I think one of the problems as well is like in my head I was like, incorporate, you can't under this, people will judge you. And now, looking back, I think we are all humans and of course you can avoid people judging you bathing in corporate. I think many will understand me because probably they went in journey as me. But yet you, as a woman as well, incorporate. You have to be strong, you know, like because a woman, you know, like they're the men and all these rubbish business. But my might, the way I took it it was, I can, I can know. I would you people that I'm very close to that. I can not tell anybody because I will be judged and probably, I wouldn't know, be put for promotions, etc. So, yeah, the stigma. I don't think it's the police only. I think it's in there. Yeah, yeah, and I did find, you know, on the whole it was very well receive people were very receptive to it. People were glad that I told them that I's been open. It also stopped that gossip. It's, you know, yeah, like anywhere, it's a very gossipy place to work. So the more honest and open you are, the less people can gossip about you, because you're the one shouting about and telling everyone. But, you know, there were the old person who not didn't take it well, not, you know, they weren't. I didn't feel judged, but I definitely felt they were very open that they didn't understand it, which is fine that. You know, it wasn't something they'd ever been through. They had very different, I don't know, personality, different emotional responses...

...to things and they could never ever see themselves being in that position. But, you know, I still didn't feel judged by them. It was just, yeah, I don't get it, like you know, thanks, but I don't get it. We could be the tablet and I don't know, there you were. I missed those tablet. Those tablets are they won't let me have them anymore. They're, like I really controversial. They were really old fashioned anti depressants, but the first ones they put me on gave me really bad restless legs. I just couldn't have any of that type. So the doctors are put you on this really old fashioned one. Brilliant. Was Brilliant. And then I when I moved, I to change GPS and they were just like horrified I was on this medication. Oh my God, it's so toxic. IMSING. It's fine, but my original GP is like, well, you've got to way up. Is someone going to harm themselves because of how my depressed, anxious, whatever they're going through? He's like in you, that was much higher risk than the very minor chance that you have an adverse reaction to the medication. And you know, you've been, always been, monitored on a four weekly basis. You know, I saw him every four weeks for like a good probably half an hour. We always ran late. Say Yeah, I do. That was good, good medication. But anyway, getting back to the story. I went back to work. I'm reduced duties and this went on for quite a while. I did a few different kind of departments, did some really great work and was feeling really positive. Still struggling but getting there, still having different counseling. I moved on to counseling with like the force counselor who did PTSD stuff, like where they try and do funny things with your eyes to make you like forget, move the emotions to the right part of your brain that can't rememb body's called. So I had that. She wasn't as good actually as that the NHS one, but you know it was it was still better than not having anything. But whilst all this was going on, when I've been off sick, no, when I came back to work, I was having to go through case conferences to, you know, manage me back into the workplace and see what was going to happen and when could I be full time again? When could I work nights again? All kind of thing went on like a monthly basis. And one of the good things in the police is that if you join the Police Federation, which is their version of the Union, you get federation representation at every meeting like that and Oh my God that was worth all the subday ever paid into federation to have them. They're fighting my corner because before I have them involved, their HR department would just say anything they wanted to me and they never spoke to me that way in front of a federation rep like trying to persuade you, but you used to be such a good officer, sort of implying that you weren't anymore. Like I still am, I'm just ill. It's still very good at my job, I just need some time. So all that was kind of going on, going on, going on, and eventually they basically told me I had to go back on seven police response, emergency response, whereas I had been spending quite a lot of time just doing appointments. So you'd I'm still going out and see members of public. That was like between nine am and ten PM. They have appointments that you go out and see them about minor crimes and nothing particularly stressful, because one of the things that really triggers my ptsd is dealing with unexpected...

...things, which is a big issue in the police because on a daily bascy. Yeah, and so they told me I had to go back do. It was something really stupid like I had to go back for two weeks do twenty four seven response, but not actually seven because I still couldn't work night, so I wasn't even going to be aligned to one team. I'd be working with different, different people, but always be finished by like ten o'clock at night. I've step for two weeks and then I was allowed to go back and do the job I actually wanted to do, which is keep doing the appointments. So I'm not really sure what that dodgie deal was all about, but in the end I stupidly said yes because I just was like, I just want to be done with case confidences. If I can just do those two weeks, I can go back and do the job I want to do and then I'm there permanently and it's a lot beds from my mental health, etc. Etc. I did one shift, had a much worse breakdown than I ever did. Originally was if it for a year and they bait. They wouldn't let me back. I kept trying to go back and they wouldn't let me because they would only let me go back to immediate response, twenty four seven emergency policing. They wouldn't let me go back to any other department. So we negotiated federation and I negotiated with them. For me to be medically retired does mean I'm technically a pensioner and it's quite good. I don't know, it's a tiny pension I get, but I get it. I get it for the rest of my life, so you know, it's worth it in the end. But yeah, it was. It was a really difficult time because, you know, at points I wouldn't say I was suicidal, like I didn't I was actually going to do anything, but I very much had a planned out in a really rational kind of Oh, when life gets too much, this is how I deal with it. I'm going to do x fines. I'm not there, but I'm just you know, I've it seems weird now to have such a rational plan of Oh, my exit plan for when all this goes completely tipped up will be to do to do that. I now I'm like a God. Thank God I got through all of this. You know, I really struggle to trust people because I felt like I couldn't trust senior management team hr occupational health and I found it really hard to get a job after I left the police having been medically retired, because at first I've been really open with employers about why I'd left and no one wanted to know. So then I had to start hiding it. And you know where I ended up in the corporate well, working and hr they didn't know, because there's no way I out of just knew I wouldn't have got that job if I'd ever told anyone. Yeah, well, I'd been through and in the end that got really hard and email I was having relapses every so often, nothing as big as I ever did in the police, but funny things will trigger my ptsd because it's not anything to do with what originally caused it, but I can if I see a road traffic accident, I'll start panicking and it was nothing to do with very traffic accidents. Why I ever, you know, had PTSD. So yeah, things, you know, odd things would happen and I just get really overly upset more than anybody else. So I've been that's for counseling a few times and that's really helped. But since leaving the corporate world I've decided to be a lot more open again and just tell people, and it's just such a weight of your shoulders to be able to be open about it. So you know, it's a really hard suppose kind of last few years in the police for really,...

...really hard and then probably l a year after that as well. But I'm feeling a lot better now and that's the thing I'm able for like all the way through. You know, it was very hard. I was always able to joke about it and try and make light of it. You know, it was really, really the most difficult thing I've ever been through, hopefully the most different thing I ever will go through. I'm really difficult for that your friends and family to see as well to live that with you. So yeah, I think I think I've kind of covered everything. I mean I could go into it a lot more detail. W C L, we've been here for about three hours. If I told you everything, sorry, so I think we should probably talk about then our kind of you know, what do we learn from what we've what we've been through? So what have we learned? Yeah, for me it's several things. When we're talking, what we talk about here is the stream adversity. Is Not like suddenly you get about new sor something like that. Really strength. It just doesn't work to be on your own and become a victim of WHO. You have to go through your emotions and all of that. But one of my biggest learners for me is to ask for help. Is a sign of strength, no weaknesses, and that was an important lesson to me because I gudge myself very harshly. The other thing is not to tell people. I think when you show you you are vulnerable, people can connect with you. At the end of the day, we had all having crack lives here and they're we all, but because we feel in corporate you have to have certain person, you have to be professional, because these one look at him on look at him and you compare yourself with others. But by showing you true self, you get more connected with people and you can they can help you and you can help them, because suddenly people, they will go. You know what, I'm going to show all my true self as well, because coming is doing it, Olivia is doing it and we act in really well and I think part of the suffering is because we don't show ourselves. We have these these ideas, these films in our heads that this is the behavior. You haven't comfort or in the police at you know, the day. We are all humans with the same crap, and what I learned a lot is I'm extremely resourced for Recilien, determine and I'm survivor. But too much it goes to a stream where I think I'm like a do your self battery. I can go forever and I can work and I want it. Will see my pain and even if I have to come home and I need to sit down in the stairs because I'm physically so tired and so much paying emotionally, physically, but I can't walk through flows, I have to stopped on the second one because she says too much for me and, to be honest, is not good for you. So I think self compassion and self love are Super Cay here because we treat yourself like you know what I'm feeling crap and it's okay because, to be honest, anybody in my situation will feel crap. And the other thing is last thing for me is like I was doing a life that from all side it look amazing. I had it all and they sing job money, I had a dog, but it was a mediocre lie because he wasn't what I was meant to do. It didn't touch my heart the way I look at it in one of my learning is is sometimes adversity as parts the cities. It has to come into our lives, but after for us to move our aspions, be doing this these jobs and be bored until...

...the day I die. Exactly how I think the universe giving you these for you to grab, for you to go to the next level, because if you don't get adversity which actuating, I will never leave the group. I will never do this. I we never with adversity. You are being pushed to make certain tough decisions because you have to. So there's no excuses anymore, because the problem is we learn how to live in this level of unhappiness. They we had unhappy baby. Is Okay, because we know how to do this unhappiness. So in a ways I look at it like I don't I don't like it when it comes into my life, but I look at it more from a curious point of view, like what do I have to do here that I'm not doing? So, yeah, that will be my what about you, Olivia? I think my kind of my surprising learning I had from at all was despite how hard it was, style horrible it was, and despite how you know it took years to get to the point I am now. I wouldn't change anything. Wouldn't change a thing because I absolutely believe it's made me who I am today. I'm nicer, I'm more empathetic, I understand myself a lot more, you know it. I appreciate things so much more than I ever did, and it's really taught me the importance of self care, like you say, that self love, selfcompassion, looking after yourself, and it's pushed me to go. You know, I'm not life is too sure I'm not staying unhappy and miserable and depressed and anxious, you know, anxious to the point where as you were catastrophizing absolutely everything that is going on in your life and you think all these horrific things are going to happen to people and that somehow that you're so important that it's all your fault though, all this that's going to happen my they do. I think I am that I'm going to call all this ufter to happen, and I find it really useful, if I am having a bit of a tough time now, to just think how far I've come since then. Like if I can do that then I can do that next thing that I've been putting off that's a little bit difficult or I'm not too keen about doing. You know, it really does help drive me forward and having had a couple of relapses, I can I'm now much better place to recognize when those feelings are coming back, what sort of interventions I need to put in place, what I can do to minimize the impact or where to get help. And, like you said, the importance of been open and honest and telling people is, you know, been such a huge learning point. And I know it's a very popular kind of topic, like people keep talking and let's talk about mental health, but we have to be realistic that in the workplace that still is a very long object yeah, it's it's so difficult and I wish I'd never stopped being open about it because, you know, I was so open and I got such a good response from it and then struggle to get a job and then completely shut myself off and that's a very, very lonely place to be. And when times do get tough, not only do you have to explain what you're going through at the moment, you almost have to explain everything you've already been through because you haven't been open with people about it. So, yeah, that's it. My key thing is as awful of anything is that you go through through, and this doesn't go for everything. They will...

...always be certain things that are kind of off limits from this comment, but in in general, anything that you're going through, it's what can you learn from it? And don't regret it. It's just it's just life. You know, agree and to be honest, for me is like a dance. Your steps forwards, your step back. It just got your days life and in a way, I think if we want to be good coaches, there's no way if we got given go through adversity and the toughness of life. HMM, I don't think you can help people because we ever really thing is from a book. You can know the tools and all the theorist, but you don't understand your plans as much and when you go through the journey you will understand them tomorrow. Yeah, were they going through and why you took you to get out of it? Yeah, so, yes, and it's a it's a weird because a one hand I agree, but you understand what they're going through. But not only that, you also understand that you completely don't understand what they're going through, that it's very, very individual to them. Like my experience, as someone saying to me I was off of stressed for a couple of weeks and just been infuriated like that is not what I'm going through. This is horrible flashbacks of things. I'm think that this is thinking all these awful things are going to happen and you know it's not. I've had a bit of a long day, been a bit bit stressed and I'm not putting that down and just think it's a very different thing. But if that ability to be like you know, I've been through really tough times. I can empathize to a degree with what you're going through, but I will never know exactly what you're going to but I know that if I can get through something tough, you can get through something tough, like we all can. That was that was quite positive, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, we like positivity and calm and I know you've put together like a quick kind of strategy for listeners if they're dealing with adversity, just some sort of ideas for them of how to deal with it at the moment. Yeah, I can't really interesting because with the whole Varrus and other a lot of things are happening. It's quite important to have, you know, we can give the listeners timely, even model with your strategies they can follow. There's not like a lot of work on them. And me, the first stem and the one I didn't do. You know my life. We need to accept reality, and as soon as possible, because I spend years just fighting it and every time we've quid reality, we always love so counties for what it is. You know, like you, you didn't get a promotion. Well, I did not get a promotion because it mean that you doesn't like you. You know worthare of it. You know good in your job, because we create the stories in our heads. So we need to stop the story. It's just call it for what it is, the adversity you have in front of you. The next thing is you can think about. The second strategy is, or can you do about it? What is something you control that you can do right now to make your situation better? There would be many things, like example with the virus, that you know in control and many things. We are not the big decision makers here, so just focus on the ever you can control and started putting actions in place, and when I mean action is, yes, what can I do? And then focus only on the next step. You can write everything you can do, but today I'm going to write what I can do to death and then tomorrow I will write about what I'm going to do tomorrow. So just keep focusing on the next step, not to burden yourself with overwhelming and anxiety, and that...

...is really important. Only the next steps and the last two are important. What we talked about before self love and self compassion. The problem we have in life it is that many of us we haven't been taught how to love ourselves, and I think that is the root of many of our mental health issues, because once you learn how to love yourself and be asserted, then you can love other people. So don't Judge Yourself University. Be Kind to yourself. You will make many mistakes that there is another day where you go okay, another day where we can take action and make it better, and it would be step forwards and backwards all the time. So just time judge yourself to much and then visual us. Keep visualizing your future. There's coming soon, there's much better and have the top of mind, where this adversities not going to be in your life and keep feeling that the future be there in your mind, and I think days will works from me the accepting reality, action, action, action, self love and self compassion and visualize a bit of future without this adversity, because these they don't last for a yeah, and it can be quite if you're going through that. Obviously, hopefully those steps will help, but sometimes you really do have to ask other people for help as well, whether that's those Lah dop friends, family, you're both occupational health, who you know, whatever you've got at your faith to coach, counselor whoever you feel is best suited for whatever you're going through and who you're happy to speak to. They can really help you move forward with those kind of getting some clarity around your thoughts and actions. If you know you're struggling to do it yourself and there's you know, it's so much easier if you have someone to kind of hold your hand along the way and help you find your way out of that any in stream adversity. I truly believe many of us we can do all my own. Yeah, yeah, that was my example. I have many in my life. The one I yeah, is one of them, and it takes forever and, you know, recover, because I'm still working on the damage. Then, because at the right time you could have you already working in yourself, you know, and you believes in your pains and not that. So I actually believe help. It's a mass when it's very stream adversity and when you ask for of how you brace your strong. You're no weak. Yeah, yeah, the opposite. Yeah, and remember that you will get something from it. It may not feel it at the time. It might take you, you know, a year afterwards to suddenly go what. You know what? Actually, I didn't enjoy it. I hated every moment, but I did get this one thing from it. I did learn this about me, or, you know, at least I'm not doing that thing anymore, whether it's you've changed your job or left a relationship or whatever it is, it's, you know, head towards that right of future that your visualize thing. Yes, absolutely so, leaden. Let's sending with their good note, then. This is a good note. We had a lot of pressure there. I hope you've all enjoyed our dies into our personal experiences with adversity and if you'd like to connect with us on social media, you can see us on instagram and twitter at Naked Truth Pod, actually unblied. They're have a nice twitter. How to change because somebody had taken it already. Can't remember what we called it. Now I'll find that out and put it in the description. You could fill...

...dash butt or something it d'A. I think you're right. If I don't, yees. So instagram is at Naked Truth pod and twitter is at naked truth underscore pod, and our facebook page is naked truth podcast with Carmen and Olivia. And if you'd like to collaborate with us and share your story, our email addresses naked truth pod at GMAILCOM, because we will be looking for guests to come up on future episodes depending on what our topic is, and we'll try and match people based on topic. But if you great to have some more, more voices to share their honest and naked truth with us, so tell your friends about us, spread the word, stay honest, stay you and, most of all, stay naked. By final SI WE W I.

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