Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia
Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia

Episode 12 · 9 months ago

Episode 12: I love you, PTSD


Join Olivia on her first solo episode where she talks to herself about her love story with PTSD - yes you read that right - her love story with PTSD! Find out how what her PTSD is like and her 3 top tips for learning to love it!

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Read Olivia's article on Medium

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Hello and welcome to naked truth withCarmon and Olivia, not quite true today, because today itis just naked truth with Olivia. Unfortunately, Carmon can't be heretoday and also I've, just very last minute decided to pop on so I've, noteven a chance to fete Yeh. We, this she's, okay with me doing this, so ifyou're listening to it, Harmon is okay with me doing it now. I know our podcast has become liteSPERADIC, but unfortunately well I meanfortunately life. His just got quite busy. Things have got in the way interms of work, and it's just really hard for us the schedule time together,which is bad, but you know it pays the bills, so sometimes you have to makethose decisions. Unfortunately, we have both alsosuffered bereavements over the last few months, and that would worll besomething we start ou future episodes. It's certainly something I would beinterested in talking about Ani again, I can't speak Tho Carmen. I just wanted to hop on today, as Ihave recently published a medium article and also onmy blog about my experience with ptfd, and I also very recently two days agogave a speech about it at our hostmasters contest, which yeahI ended up, winning, which means I now get to move on to thearea contest next month. I have yet becide whether I will bedoing an improved version of the same speech for rewriting something entirely new butyeahk. I've got loads of time.Fortat I've got a month,... I thought it a bit useful to pop onhere and just record an episode about what I was talking about in the articleand in my speech I know different people like to absorbdifferent contents. Some people like reading some people like listening, so I thought why not give you guys alittle episode, so I don't think itwuld be as long as normal, because I don'thave another person to bounce ideas Ar, and this has not been scripted. So Iapologize for the amount of UMS and arves that there may well be hut. I will get going with the articlewhich I will read out to you now and I may well expand on it. So if you'vealready read the article or stall my speech I do apologize, a lot of it isgoing to be the same content. Agains hapefully youwill get something elseout of it with me. Reading it myself Sou the article is called a loved story. I love you petfd ASENTENCE, you don't expect Tho hear orread. I love you DFD, it's true. I love it. It's been an important and lifechangingrelationship within my life. I feel married to it like it, the Patth of meand I will always be inextricably linked to it. I love it, but of course I haven't always feltlike that. I didn't get to choose whether I wanted PTFD or not, and whowould choose to have a mental health condition, but sometimes we just have to acceptthe hand we sbeen deult.

How did I learn to love it? First of all, let's just cover whatPTSD is and make sure we're on the same page, Uttan to a post, traumatic stress,disorder, great, Pretty Pretty Selfis, planatry,ther, post, traumatic, stress, tha order, but what actually is it? So? The definition given by the mentalhealth charity mind is most graumatics. JESTDISORDER is a mental health problemyou may develop after experiencing tramatic events. The condition wasfirst recognized in war veterans. It had different names in the past, suchas shellshock, but it's not only diagnosed in soldiers. A wide range oftraumatic experiences can be causes of Petit, so in my own words, it can be simplysummed up as a mental health condition caused by traumatic events and notice, its proumatic events notseverely chromatic. It's not just talking about peoplewho'v being in bombs and at first hand experience of war. It's just dramatic events that causesit and that's. One reason why I chose toinclude the mind definition as they just spoke about traumatic events. Ifyou have a look at the NHS definition, they actually do talk about it beingseverely traumatic events which amazings very outdated. As it's well known now that it isn't justwhat someone may classes severely dramatic event that can trigger PTFD, the situations we find from atic canvary from person to person.

There is a vast array of differentevents that might cause someone to develop PTSD and mind, have provided a list of somepossible causes like being in a car crash, being raped or sexuallyassaulted, being abused, harassed or believed being kidnapped or heldhostage experiencing violence being other people hurt or killed living a job where you repeatedly seeor hear distressing things suviving a natural disaster sluch asflooding, earthquakes or pandemics. Unfortunately, that includescoronavirus pandemic romatic child birth that could be F,the mother or the partner witnessing or Toromathic our birth, losing someoneclose to you being sectioned, or getting treatment in a mental healthward being diagnosed with a life threatening condition. The list goes onand on as to what raumatic events could lead, someone being diagnosed with post,draumatic, stress disorder and fuffering their symptom. My personal story is that I was apolice officer and the causes can be simplified, as the sixand seventhbullet points on that list, so seeing other people hurt or killed and doing a job where Yo repeatedly seethe stressing images or hear details of dramatic event, but, as you can aly talked about, thereare numerous things that can cause it, and the vimptoms caused by pts can besplit into for broad categories. Those our reliving event, I put alertness andfeeling on edge avoidance of feelings and memories anddifficult belief and feelings, and the symptoms that I had actuallycover all those categories. There was...

...there wase stuff from each of thosecategries that I buffered, which I think is quite usual. A few of the main things I experienceor have experience previously are flashbacks nightmares, intrucive, thoughts, rying and I mean like unbelievablenonstop, crying that I didn't know it was possible for anyone to do like just very much crying of the charts. Anxietyparanoia distrust over whelming feelings of blame memory, loss and panic attack that my ptsd and what it feels like.Just summed up in a list. ITIT's, no joke it's hard and it's real. If that's what it is and why it happensand what it feels like how on earth in I learn. I love it. Well I'll give you a hint it wasn'tovernight, O it took some work, but three Ta things tha. I did that led tome loving my ptsd ar number one just fourk. I talked about it to anyone andeveryone who would listen. I told people why I'd been off on long termsick. I was brutally honest and open with them. If I've been off on long ten sick witha physical injury, everyone would expect you to be talkingabout it. Everyone would ask you about it, but when it comes to a mentalhealth condition, people are fed to ask and people arescared to admit, which is why I was so brutally. Aken and honest. I justdidn't want to hide behind it. I didn't want other people making up what had happened to me,...

...onm the consequence of that openness,Wut that other people were open and honest with me. They told me their ownstories lorcing help me and it helped them, andsuddenly I felt like as part of some secret club and at time it seemed likethe people with mental health conditions outnumbered those withoutmental health conditions, although maybe that' something to do withworking in the police. I don't know the more I tought, the more comfortableI became with it. I didn't have to say much to let people know us feelingtriggered and needed to remove myself from a situation. People were able tounderstand what was going on for me. People stepped in and helped me out. I also Potok in talking therapies andnow I've had good therapists and I have had bad therapist and I would adviseanyone just to keep going until you find someone that' steacs you. They arelife, savers. They are worth their weight in gold that could be a ousentive behavioral therapist. Itcould be someone who specializes in Edmr for PG PTSD could be a psychiatrist. There are somany different professions out there who can help you, it's just pase of finding someone. Youreally feel comfortable talking to a point. Two was I gave myself time. I gave myself time to adjust and to rest time for talking therapies, to worktime for medication to work. I had space away from my triggers andface to let my brain do what it needed to do to get itself. You knowfunctioning again getting itself to a...

...better place and with that time came reflection, so point three is reflect after my diagnosis, I reevaluated myvalues and belief. I was different. I had empathy like I had neverexperienced empathy before I didn't want to be the person I had been for itis. I didn't really like her very much. I became nicer more patient through myexperience of poor mental health. My ptst changed my life experience, myvalues and my attitude. If it wasn't for my PTSD, I wouldn't behere talking to you today, I wouldn't be as comfortable as I am inmy own skin. I wouldn't push myself to try new things. I wouldn't have thismicrophone attached to my desk. I wouldn't be recording my voice and without Ptfd I would still bewearing that uniform of a police officer athough. It were a costume,pretending to know who I was and what I was doing, but instead I'm here, I know myselfbetter than I've ever known myself. I know what I can do and what I canachieve in life. No, it's not easy, but I know what's possible now now. Could I not love something thatled me to being right here right now, if you're listening to this and you aregoing through a difficult time, you are not alone or give yourself time and allow yourselfto reflect on what really matters to you now reach out and get the port...

...excect theport when it is given to you. This isn't as easy as just doing stepsondred two three, but these are three things that really helped me onreflection, deal with my PTSD and get to a point where I have no regrets withit. I can't regret something that has led me to be leading a much better life.Now it's difficult journey and it's reallydifficult when you're in the middle of it, and it feels like that light at theend of the tunnel is so small becaute. It's so far away, but just keep loddingon that light does get bigger as you get closer and closer, and sometimesit's not a straight road. Sometimes we wander off on the little path and haveto find our way back again tat. You will get be kind to yourself, but this is my love story. It's not aromance, not a mills and boon or a Jackie Collins. It's an Olivias,stambridge original, and this love story is just one part of my life storyand what I want to know is: what's your life story, what genre is it? Where doyou go? What do you do? Who joins you along the way? Now? Do you triumph over adversity? Never Forget. You are the author ofyour next chapter en that is the end of the article andalso the speech that I gave they weren't completely identicalthings were adapted for different audiences. I just wanted to w do it on the PODCAST and get it outthere in another formap, and I would be really interested tohear what you think about it and your own experiences, and you know what what this is boughtup for you. How does it make you think?...

Is it a lead of rubbish ist? It is it.You know, wringing a bell to you. I'd love to I'd love, to hear from you, and I've already had some feedback on fathbook actually from the the article being shared on there, and someone commented that it was verybrave of me and that they were impressed about me talking about it now a bit taken aback, as I had justthought. Oh, it's not really! That impressive!Is it in just talking about me and what I know and why wouldn't I talk aboutthat and it may be realize that I findtalking or writing things that expose myvulnerability to be very empowering, and it made me wonder why why my brain works like that like? Whydo I find just helling people about things? Tthat makes me feel so much betterabout it, because I'll be honest. Sometimes whenI was being brutally honest with you know, fellow police officers about whyI'de been off sick and what it Hav been like, and what I was going through withthe PTFD part of it was you're not going to beExpectieng me to just tell you, I'm just going Ta give you this shockinganswer now, but it was allt. True, like none of it was made up. It reallyhappened. That was really how I felt, and although that came fom a place of I'llshow you why I was off sick. Don't you be thinking like yeah? If you pulled afast one, there's nothing wrong with you. It ended that I realized how good talkyabout it was, but it did being vulnerable and and real allowedother people to be vulnerable and real...

...with me as well and together that justfelt really powerful, then I think the reason I enjoy that somuch is because I am controlling the narrative. It is my own story who haveto be right. I think anyone who's been off on longterm SIC in whatever industry has properly experienced the thought, whether they're, true ornot, but the thoughts that other people think you're putting afast one that there's nothing wrong with you that you could be back at workif you wanted to buy actually been bye, been really openand honest with them. you Ar just telling Hem the truth, like no don'twork, because something's going to go terribly wrongbecause someone's going to be coming at me with a knife and I'm going to bestood there crying. You know it's. They realize that Oh wow yeah, youreally were thick like you, couldn't work atthat time, so I hope that encourages other people tobe vulnerable and be open and feat. People. But let me know- and I'm consideringwhether excuse me to do my own podcast, thatprit naked truth. That probably would be shorter episodes,but I don't really know yet what the genre of podcast woulh, Beig andconsidering doing something like the weird well being episode we did a whileago, which is a really fun one. If youhaven't listened to it, I thoroughly recommend, if you want to know aboutwandering wombs, as I I quite like that combination ofwell being in history and the kind of...

...weird and wonderful and strange, butthat takes a lot of research. So I'm. If anyone has any ideas, I'mopen to hearing about them. FOT, maybe it'll, just be something where I justtalk ad Halk about some subject. I don't know be wattling with Olibia orsomething anyway. I hope you enjoyed this episode,hopefully calmen and I will manage to get together and put together a episode, script andstory for you soon. I hope you are all well hope you can alo see that light atthe end of the tunnel when it comes to lockdown and find me on our socialmedia, pavs ages and naked truth, podcast, and also on my website, OliviaStandbridgecom at Dandebridge, it's Tand and Bri dge yeah. I don't have theeasier their name to spell or find me on facebook and Instagram, a FhiliviaStambridge, coaching, Hay, ther and stay naked.

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