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Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia
Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia

Episode 4 · 1 year ago

Episode 4: Self Development

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

The theme for this week is self development! Join certified transformational life coaches, Carmen and Olivia, as they discuss how they first got into self development, their biggest discoveries and more!

Connect with us on social media on instagram @nakedtruthpod, on Twitter @nakedtruth_pod, and find our Facebook page Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia.

Heleene welcomed to the latest episodesof ourportcast Nakituth with Carminalivia an Carling is a pleasartNena, tew minutes with you this morning. The topic for today is self developmentas life cultures. We are obviously very interested in this area, so Olivia whateserve development mean to you, hi everyone thanks for joining us againand so to me self development is, I mean it's a huge topic Um, but I'd like to start by saying that inlife we obsiny to nurture and take care of our relationships and the longestand most important relationship you will ever have in your life is therelationship with yourself and self development is nurturing thatrelationship, so many different ways which we canwork on ourselves, that self development allows us to plan and makepositive and effective life choices and decisions for our futures andultinately that leads to us feeling more empowered and fulfilled. So for me,personly, it's about always striving to improve myself, the a better version ofme being more self aware doing. You know lifelong learning,never stopping just keep going, always learning stuff about yourself and newtechniques. Being very honest and true to myself not trying to be someone elseand ultimately that really helps look after my my mental well being, and itis a never ending journey, it's never kinda over. Unfortunately, I don'tthink we ever reached that kind of pivotal moment of self actualization. Idon't think that ever really happens, but you know a journey that we're allon an...

...and the more we do on it, the more we knowabout ourselves and it doeslead you to feel more fulfilled, even if we neverquite get to self atualization. How about yourself? The shame is an IA.Many of IESLE will look at there by thin. The Self Ot colization is allabout puting in the war and it takes a lot of work so yet for me, it's nodifferent from what you said. She said you know the overald Preso police s. Weall you know we want different things, wit e life, but you o Didno enough isharpiness ind fulfillment. So for me it would be four areas that you mentionethe first one isself locked Um, it's a continuous work. We never learned whenwe wer is hol to really self loved soll about caring for outhers. We geneous befine and I've seen the Myajalty of he homes. I see in my life with me, andmany people around me as well in my corporate job, is that we we lackingtheselve love, so we give too much with them. WIDON PUT CAR Boundar. Somearanaen e creates a lot of stress and unhappiness in our lives, so first onefrom hisself love the second one isself awareness. So it's about to knowyourself wha who you are, what are your bodies and who you want to be, and bydoing them to Cansr up n a morol anty way and you can deepen therelationships with with others. The TIRONI with Te Corecy of direction islike what the heck do. I want for my life now so life is not platat is notrehearsal, is Te playce and have only one child chance to truly leave andenjoy. So we need to think about what we want and really push ourselves outof our comfortable song: Andad, cheap, O Chiefo, an Fran nst second nto growand the fourth on Le Deminsions. What is meant o welding and in fome personaldevenoment is te gem for the mind, so...

...the majority of for r sufferinghappnens in our our heads and with sad growth and Sutt Eveloment, who weld beable to see life events and situations, were living fromatifran perspective, sohe can produce hi stress in themsight in our lives. So as you metion a lifeJerny a daily naturing of this area, but areally royal importionary, we wantto be happy solien. How did you get into into thesouth development my fist fora into self developmentbeyond? You know that kind of workplace, personal development plans Etceptra,which let's face it quite often not really woarth. The paper they'rewrittenon was probably due to my poor mental health. When I was in the police andthat's where I first got a taste of cognative behavioral therapy, which Ifound and students still do, find very helpful. Um particularl those moments we just likethe ENDOF goal, the thing you're trying to achieve just seems so difficult andso far away being able to kind of break things downinto the unto the next moment. So, for example, when I was very old but wasstill in work, it was a case of actually going to work was too big.That was too big. A goal was to get into the workplace, but what wasn'tthrough CBT was Ri'mjust Goingta get up and have a shower. What I'm going to doafter I have a shower o I'll think about that then, okay, then I brush my teeth: IthYobushety than what you're going to do. I'm GOINGTO get dressed. You know it a.It was really just always just looking to the next step, rather than that, Oh God, I've got to go into work, andyou know I don't feel well, I don't know what to do and N. along with that. There was also somemindful Nurson KINDOF meditation techniques. I have to say that wasn'treally a big breakthrough moment in...

...self development. For me, I didn'tactively pursue it and some, no, that I was doing it and you knowreally purposefuly doing it until later, on which I think really started when Iwas working in the corporate area in HR, and I had a lawn manager, who's very,very big on any kind of development, whether it is kn w continuous personaldevelopmententry work, life from learning and soft skills, things like that and then also more ofthe atural, what you tend to think of a Self Developmentton. You Know CoachingRelationships, coaching conversations an you know she was very keen on all thatkind of stuff and that really kind of drew me into it and finding out moreabout myself and what Youknow, who I really was becoming more selfaware. I mean I'm fortunate for my linemanager. PTHAT awareness was realizing. I absolutely wasn't in the rightenvironment for me to be able to thrive, so she might have regretted that in theend, I don't know I'm sure she didn't of Sur she as veryhappy that I'm happy nd. So then, when I left hr, I I was in a very fortunateposition that I know not everyone as a chance to do, but I did have. I wasable to take a few months off work completely and really spend some time of self development andfinding out who I was Um. You know through coaching and just kind of exploring things and just spending more time on me and in doing that, you know I reallylooked at my values and started living in my call value. I think I probablymentioned numerous times is authenticity, so it as really about youknow all colored decisions, moving...

...forward me thinking about my values andhow they fit into all the decisions I make in life, and then I got into becoming no lifecoach, myself and training in that and getting qualified and having clientsand I've just found myself. You know truewhether it's goald setting or just being more comfortable in my own skin.I found myself taking some more risks in life and really seeing the benefitand then wanting to do more. So I think I you know once you really start.Looking at self development that kind of Um positivity cycle of I'm going to trythis thing, that seems difficult. Oh I enjoyed that thing. That seemsdifficult. I want to do more of that. You know that really kicks in. So thatwas probably my big brakthry momen, its St really being lucky enough to spendthat time on myself. So how about you Carman? How did you get into selfdevelopment so e? My One, my first encounter really was through necessityand no plan ad Olf Um. I spent all my working life in corpers until mymidthirties. It was a red rase running around and tiging golls and rims andunittok something in folxing away in the next gold, so never reing joyinessof the iking any achevement. He. What like what isnext? What is next and youknow, AL thinking about how to go. Highon, the COKOD LA ther and get moremoney, and I nevme question theysuppose to Beonosolaocus anefore. The answer ofme was ran the same, so I never. You know aever thow its in the Mi way tolive my life. I was just doing things and I was jamful of Edergy, so I wasgetting Tams and fiving my dreams fast, and this is a big but as the Gese passby a tosifeeling, this enptiness in my soul and this kind of level ofunhappiness theris, not huge, may par Constan. You know on a daily basis infeeling. Likenaisis life is not so...

...great, but you know Hrat race, you besy, you don't have to think and emotions and feelings will. The HEAS ISTA in Asin or the Sansidie going and monily the problem wit as Lik thes,feelins stasically, strong and strong Anstronne, an acapnisent nor listeningto them, and then I decided to we decided tohave he kids. So I was lilly welling Ta, campany, examply fo Havin a last yearin my predancy and after my matendant I came back and I was moted. I lostfifteen thousand pounds, my Proonan the time as well as a loss, a lot of moneyin a business. He was doing inhis lads. I got to death test in my family in thesame week, Mani Points Hol Brovlos totally. I went to the darkest point Inever ben in my life. I didn't even want to get out of bets and I reallypush myself to go to work because my fear as more controll ing my life and Icouldn't leave my company. Yet I was so unhappy there. So I remember spend many in many months,even years being a victin to the point I think at the LAER LANOB I had to goto a park to cry before I want to work and put a fake smile and smile everyday, because I didn't want to cry at home. I had a baby and so wetied ecause.She di Ma had been having to go vie in a hyda level job, so he was O thaughtOm. My man and I remember ones. I went to the park his beautiful part next tomy house to Cra I six o'clock in the morning and I couldn't cry anymore. Idid't have tears and at that point suddenly in my mind and my botys, sucho focusing OL solutions and I starto do im ensercise. I think I got a colt angot counselling, Nou name: They Assato reading books, Asote, parliament, Wativideos, but INFIMS. I was absorbeing all these things that were totally newin my life and they were helping me so...

I starce O kn. I still was working cortlife and I was leing a lot of work on myself and suddenly I did discourseincoaching where in a period of three years I was so scared of leaving l,this top jobs, the corporawle dying, Yer, all my life for many years t afterthree moments, the fear was to stay to stay with its people to stay odoing thesame job, so he was a Newand draumatic Utun and I became the culture myself,but yeah he's just out of necessity, a even Pinin. I never talk about, quotingwith anyor Gilin et you know, tha wart was no part of myvocabulary. You know in the business word he asked Itwas just like really portion with somuch aracity one after another thene in O way. I didn't have a choice. I had toinfront my fears. If I didn't want Tobe Lai out so IV, I fer you what would beyour biggest learning an and taking away so far from he sai? After so from my self development, I found that I've been much happierit's becoming more self aware and more connected with myself. I have more self belief and I Iactually enjoy taking risks now an you know, I'm still naturally an intravert,but I have this real need to experience life. Like you said early Ron, we onlyget one life, let's make it the happiest. We can and that's you knowsomething that I think self development really reinforces, that and verysimilar to you. There have been times in my life where I've had a lot moremoney and you know influence and a good position in the business, but it actually didn't make me happy. Iknew it was a palf that many people...

...took. I know it was a part that manypeople would like to take that. I was very lucky to have the kind of naturalattitude to be able to do it, but it didn't. It didn't make me happy, whereas you know really going with following my values and who I am and what I should be doing,which is you know, my other values are around you being of service to peopleand I didn't really feel like. I was doing that with the nature. So inofpursuing this getting to know myself following self development, I do feel alot more fulfilled andlike. I know I'm going to say I know who I am, butobviously I don't because that will change again in a month and then, amonth after that, Ou'r always discovery more and more about yourself, and Ihave some idea of where I want to go. Although again, that's always changingthe oither goald post are lways changing and, like oh I've got thisidea now, but it you kN W. It feels exciting. It feels alive. It doesn'tfeel, like you know, just a Kond of drudgery. Itfeels like a genuine life now and the GOOFI TAT be. A coach is I' very luckythat I get to see this in other people, so I know yeah. I can see how quicklyother people changed just by spending some more time on themselves and indoing that they can be better for those for other people around them m. So that's, really powerful too, isgetting to see it from the other side, because so much you know we just people don't spend thetime helping themselves hut when they do spend the time helping others, and actually it's really key to having thattime to and that space to get that clariative clarity about who you are ndand what you want to do and what you really enjoy cause. That was somethingthat was really missing for my life was, I just didn't really know who I was orwhat I liked. I just kind of knew who I thought I was supposed to be ind what Ishould like and they're two very...

...different things so whatwhat have youlearntd Carmod, so ye my Um. I thing wo blow me away is tounderstand how you MNINEASY BAT SASSATS. You Change Your Mine and you can changeyour life and I never knew that and just the knowledge that we have twodiffenrminds. The conscious one UR conscious mind that will we are well and the sat conscious mindthat, I neverknew their sisters, and this one is the programming that has been downloadedotowas by the age of seven years to become funtionng members of a Familia,F society and Hereis, where Westoron our beliefs, that not there are nohours there. Our CAES are million people around us when e were kids andthe pool with, as may the majority of the Billis and Negatye effecting ourlives, and is you know? Science shows that this atcautious part of our mindconsrols ninty percent of our lives and tey's crazy. I never knew that untill.I wasn't in my mit pattise it wil issue. Something thet should be taught at aschool. This etneeds to understand that no mind is a very powerful tool theyhave for them to get whatever they launt in life. So that really blew meaway from all this lanlins Um and the second thing is the importanceof showing at in Ofenten. Well, I spend many many years. I remember I startedwhen I went to porting school with superice cates and Iwas normal workingclassbacorn. I started ing an an actress and Excellenc in in in greatingwars, depending on who I'm talking to so. If I'm talking to your leaver, Iknow what you want to hear. I can assessiterquake. So I will presentmyself I as this Pisona that you want to see and t e Wi the words you want tohear. So I please everybody that what happening is the more you behave likethat, the more you buried yourself and...

...at the end, to beone medle by you oneday you wake up and you don't have a Tlue who you are anymore and then youspendin your life maining corporate, and you will know that, were we thinkif we have bad days, they I know to show like they wanted the parst cray toput a fake smile, because people were judgmen, they would think thare couldnot be aneda. I can not get the next promotion, so you hide yourself evenmore and by doing coaching and becoming a Cochand. You know fosing lot ofTaesocian media becoming more maerself. He seemd credible the power of beingauthentic because all these things are HAP in my head that I canshol myself atpeople ar not gointo like me, i's the opposite, as you know, I's the opposite.When you show you touself and its really importonal this ecause wetsocianneedy and our kids. The need to understand that when you show yourselfas you troshaself the good and the vast people like you more and people connetwith you at a deeper level because o havyship and wel carry you know heavybardoms on our shoulders and then they go. Oh companis. Like me, Oh look atAlegatli, so the connection is much deepand much stronger. Yet I spenttwenty years of my life thinking. I canot show myself people because peoplewonor like me and Thos. Basically too earilythatme were estrimly powerful,yeah, the focial media thing, ace's a really um good point. It just reminded me that Umwas it last night it might have ben the night before I can't remember an we had.It was some Jason Mantford Comedy Smash Special on and at the end he did thiskind of B that it wasn't a joke. It was just areal genuine bit about Um t importance of self care and looking aft yourselfand things like that and how social media can affect you, and he made thiscomment that you look at social mejor and think oalthose people, these amazing houses that...

...and look at that- and they said theyhaven't Gote, isn't that they've got a nicer house than you. It's just thatthey're better at taking fo toes than you and ti that's very triratually'cause. You have no idea. What's been cut out with that shot where wall, thedirty launges piled up or whatever oe lef Yo see, is anabicause, ther fo sake.I can see my eleven year, O kids, she she the wait. She edits hoter, she'singreable. I don't know how to do it, but the thing is. This is a hugeproblem and it starts oreading with celebrities when they allow thephotographers to Brainina to change their their pisake. 'cause is so muchcompetition and then will create metal haissues many for girls, young Gelleson,young boys, and if you don't have the same ligs, you know as she say, I onllygo to three lights and my friend, God tands like Easter, so ver early fordears and I's really concerning this way to be innesone Tan, moresorciamillion, now to go because I need forcochin, but I was never too kine onit because when I went to Istogram very rarely of his book or whatever an JusSa Beautiful thins and I kept liking furly, this is a lie. Surely allthisreaping didn't man, his perfect life, just asn't mad sense to me,soyase, sir, is quite importonisman, so pay attention to these sisses interesting topic for another dayOlivia we can to Crouryor so TNET LAES. So what is your favorite topic of thisarea of passion? Pand such a difficult question to answer?'cause, it's so vig and vast, but and Kindo. The first things that come to mind andI'm torn between two are values and cognitive, behavial, coaching an nowvalues, I'm always talking to people about values. I love working on valueswith clients. It's just had such a a big impact on me and it was a realimportant part of finding out who I was...

...and the impact I mugt have on others,and how I'm going to have that. For me, just values really leads to so manydifferent different things. So you know I'm really big on finding out your core values and thenreally looking out where those are showing up in your life at the momentand where you want them to show up more and how it can really help you ifyou've got difficult decisions. Just think about you know which one of thosedecisions is is more closely aligned with your values. So vanues is a reallyimportant one for me, and then I have a real kind of SOFCspot in my heart for cognissive behavior, coaching cause. I just Ifound it very powerful ton me and I do if clients who it just gives them t just it's another tool for reallyhelping to see another perspective on things and too. You know if you've got a real task orsomething you want to get on with is really useful, theyare a really useful,comgraitive behavioral coaching, which comes from compay ofpaable therapy methods that can you know, Kinda help you think of new ways to do things or thinkof things in a different way and and just actually reach some of those goals and get somestuff done, and that just gives you such a boost. When you realize you canactually do it and you know I just find it everelly useful tool. So I thinkthose are my too kind of keyareas and then, in addition to that,is also how accessible self development is. You know there are so many ways you canaccess it. You could have a coach, you can read books, listen to orcast watchthings on Netflit Youtub. You know, thee are ats, you can download for amindfulness there's just so much...

...content out there, even social mediasalot, a good social mejor as well yeahs. You know kind of making sure your yourfeed. If I is having a negative impact on you, wonlt fill it w with stuff thathas a positive impact on you and so yeat. So I haven't really given youone answer: Thete, but very difficult, yeah w. What do youthink? What's your kind of favorite area, though I always come back, it'squite funny because me Y, we have our triends. You want his values for me, isjuslhiso subconscious mind that still, you know is controlling people's lives and people.They don't realize that this is happening so within this subconscious. Wine isthe limit in thelitcynthias these two things that are ou daily companionsinstrument, powerful ones and the provenes their negative affeting ourlives in a negative way and many times we look at other people pessing us byand we thin they don't have them, but they do everybody do and so for Meli.We always say you know it's important that you keep acting and you know youknow, keep going and moving forwords. The problem with that is, if you makedecision from a place of limiting beliefs and fears, is not great,because they're not going to take you to the right destination, and so weneed to go back to the base and the sauce and get wed and clean all thesewears and limits in the LIV. And then we can do the action and then we canget to whatever we want in life and, as I mentioned before, like it could bethere. You said: okay, I want to Wan a hundred thousand pounds a year and youdo the right thing all the right thing. So you work really harder you than yourcollegues. You have the right, Stadis N, the Rianty to you. You help everyborday.You have good qualities in you and you see people passing you by and you don'tunderstand, and it could very well be that you come from a working, Justo Gon,where you sow you parms Um, looking at which people like thead bad people, Alyou heard Manis the woot of all lebls.

So without you having it Tu this. Thisbeliefs are working against your dreams and you will never get there until youbecome aware, and you start working on them so you're for Methis Toarios, somethingonce you you clean this too. The possibility alendless and it will helpyou to get out out of your Conqtabluzon to grow and to really understand what Osay. What you make you happy that he end of the day is the altiman of Jettiforall of us and to readly Achiev to your dreams, and until we do that, ofcourse, we can progressin our lives that will never get to the Nevel, wherewe feel content for feeling and happy. So yet limiting the lis and fears, I very very cin to o to me sad thing: we are towards the Anolipia.Yes, we've got our kind of a know. We often kin finish with atechnique or something that people can use, but 'cause. This is such a widearea. I think itwould be good to finish on our kind of final thoughts about self development.Caneth sum up today's session, so my final thoughts are, I think, there's a an innate needwithin us all too live a more furfilling life and selfdevelopment is key to pursuing that vision. There are so many ways to act. Ess SelfDevelopment, like I said before, so it's just a case of really finding whatworks for you and if you don't like something, that's fine t that justdoesn't work just try. Something else see see what does work for you whats. What's going to help you and you know, there's no need to feelguilty about working on yourself. Instead of other relationships andareas of your life, because actually I'm working andyourself you are helping those other...

...areas of your life. You can't helpothers. If you don't help yourself first and I always bring it back, and Idon't know how many times I've used this analogy, but found now when you'reon a plane and you get told to with oxgen masks parents. You know I told tofix their oxten mass before they they put on their childrens, and I thinkthat's just a way that life is. You really have to look after yourself tobe able to look after others 'cause. If you don't look after yourself, l thenyou're just not there for them, so it isn't selfish, doing self development.You know it's ultimately Gongna bring more filment to many areas of your lifeand can really help improve other relationships. Just be you've been moreself aware and and knowing yourself a bit more. So what do your find thoughtsCarmens? So Ye Similari me is very clear that if you want to have afulfill anhappy life, whatever happy life means to ets, person is veryindividual, but you need to have some kind of sel development. So the firstthing is: We need to learn how to live in then. Now the present moment is theonly time we can live. Yet we spend the majority of the units in the dayresenting or pass or being scared of an unpredictable future, so we need tostart living in the noun. The second thing is awareness, be anware of whoyou are when you want to be when you want to do and work on yourself. LoveReally Accept Yourself. Physically and mentally, for who you are, and the last thing, with personaldevelopment or self development pice about adversity, looking at life whenadversity comes to us, that et will come and sometimes three times in arole. What is the landing here for me becausemany times thelaning here for me...

...because many times he somehow liepushing us to go, pushing us to get out of the comfortable son, because wedon't do it if if we don't get that push so when you get in a really darkplace, just look at it like pobly. This is what I need, but what do I need toland here? What I need to see Ti, don't save her and try to see life from thatpesthetic. So yet that will be man, Maki Takin sin in this area ion. So thank you all for listening andplease join us again next week and if you like, to connect with us on socialmedia cause like I said it's not all bad me can connect with us at Instogram,ATS, Naked Truth, pod and twit at naked truth under schoolpod and our face.That page is naked. Truth with Carmon and Olivia, and if youould like tocollaborate and share your story, our email address is naked truthpold atgmal dcom. If you want to come on as a guest or anything just contact us there,and we will arrange something so tell your friends about us spread the wordstay on ist stay you and stay naced. I BYEVODA my mine.

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