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Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia
Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia

Episode 4 · 2 years ago

Episode 4: Self Development

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

The theme for this week is self development! Join certified transformational life coaches, Carmen and Olivia, as they discuss how they first got into self development, their biggest discoveries and more!

Connect with us on social media on instagram @nakedtruthpod, on Twitter @nakedtruth_pod, and find our Facebook page Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia.

Hello and welcome to the latest episold of our broadcast naked, to have with carming Alvia. I'm carming, is a blizzard to bend your minutes really this morning. The double for today is self development. As life coaches, we are obviously very interested in this area. So, Olivia, what is self development mean to you? Hi, everyone, thanks for joining us again. And so to me, selfdevelopment is, I mean, it's a huge topic, but I'd like to start by saying that in life we obviously need to nurture and take care of our relationships, and the longest and most important relationship you will ever have in your life is the relationship with yourself, and selfdevelopment is nurturing that relationship so many different ways which we can work on ourselves. That selfdevelopment allows us to plan and make positive and effective life choices and decisions for our futures, and ultimately that leads to us feeling more empowered and fulfilled. So for me personally, it's about always striving to improve myself via a better version of me, being more selfaware, doing, you know, lifelong learning, never stopping, just keep going, always learning stuff about yourself and new techniques, being very honest and true to myself, not trying to be someone else, and ultimately that really helps look after my my mental wellbeing. And it is a never ending journey. It's never kind of over. Unfortunately, I don't think we ever reach that kind of pivotal moment of self actualization. I don't think that ever really happens. But it's, you know,...

...a journey that we're all on and the more we do on it, the more we know about ourselves and it does make lead you to feel more fulfilled, even if we never quite get self actualization. How about yourself? The shame, isn't it? The many of fathers. We will not get there. But I think the Self Bud polization. It's all about putting the war and it takes a lot of work. So yeah, for me it's not different from what you said's, you know, they overall crazy police. We all, you know, we want different things with in life, but you go deep nerve enough is happiness and fulfillment. So for me it would be four areas that you mentioned. The first one is self laugh. It's a continuous work. We never learn when we were kids how to really self laugh. It's all about caring for other's we generous be kind, and I've seen the majority of the problems I see my life with me and many people around me as well in my corporate job, is that we we lack in that self love. So we give too much with them, we don't put clear boundaries and around us and it creates a lot of stress and unhappiness in our lives. So first one for me self love. The second one is self awareness. So it's about to know yourself, who you are, what are your values and who you want to be, and by doing them you can show up in a moral empty way and you can deepen the relationships with with others. The third one, it will be clarity of directions, like what the heck do I want for my life? You know? So life is not place, that is not a rehearsal. Is the place, and we have only one child chance to truly live and enjoy. So we need to think about what we want and really push ourselves out of our comfortable song and a cheap to chief our dream and to grow. And the fourth one that you mention is what is mental wealthy and in for me, personal development is...

...the gym for the mind. So the majority of our suffering happiness in our our heads and with self growth and self development we will be able to see life events and situations where living from a different perspective. So it can reduce the stress and and sight in our life. So, as you mentioned, a life journey, a daily nurturing of this area, but I've really really important area. We want to be happy. Soliver, how did you get into into the South Development? My first for a into selfdevelopment beyond, you know, that kind of workplace personal development plans etc. which, let's face it, are quite often not really worth the paper theyre written on. was probably due to my poor mental health when I was in the police, and that's why I first got a taste of cognitive behavior therapy, which I found, and studio still do find, very helpful, particular those moments where you just like the end goal, the thing you're trying to achieve, just seems so difficult and so far away, being able to kind of break things down into the into the next moment. So, for example, when I was very ill but was still in work, it was a case of actually going to work was too big. That was too big a goal was to get into the workplace, but what wasn't, through CBT, was rough. I'm just going to get up and have a shower. What I'm going to do after I have a shower or think about that. Then okay, then I brush my teeth. Your brush your teeth. Then what you're going to do? I'm going to get dressed. You know, it was really just always just looking to the next step rather than that Oh God, I've got to go into work and you know, I don't feel well, I don't know what to do. And along with that there was also some mindfulness and kind of meditation techniques. But I have to say that wasn't really a big breakthrough...

...moment in selfdevelopment for me. I didn't actively pursue it and sort of know that I was doing it and, you know, really purposefully doing it until later on, which I think really started when I was working in the corporate area in HR and I had a line manager who's very, very big on any kind of development, whether it is, you know, continuous personal development through work life, from learning soft skills, things like that, and then also more of the actual what you tend to think of a self development and you know, Coaching Relationships, coaching conversations. You know, she was very keen on all that kind of stuff and that really kind of drew me into it and finding out more about myself and what, you know, who I really was, becoming more selfaware. I mean, unfortunately from my line manager. Part of that awareness was realizing I absolutely wasn't in the right environment for me to be able to thrive. So she might have regretted that in the end. I don't know. I'm sure she didn't. I'm sure she's very happy that I'm happy and so there. When I left hr I'm you know, I wasn't a very fortunate position. That I know not every one gets a chance to do, but I did have. I was able to take a few months off work completely and really spend some time on self development and finding out who I was, you know, through coaching and just kind of exploring things and just spending more time on me and in doing that, you know, I really looked at my values and started living them. My core value, as I think I've probably mentioned numerous times, is authenticity. So...

...it was really about, you know, all kind of decisions moving forward, me thinking about my values and how they fit into all the decisions I make in life. And then I got into becoming no life coach myself and training in that and getting qualified and having clients and I've just found myself, you know, through whether it's goal setting or just being more comfortable in my own skin. I found myself taking some more risks in life and really seeing the benefit and then wanting to do more. So I think it, you know, once you really start looking at Selfdevelopment, that kind of positivity cycle of our. I'm going to try this thing that seems difficult. Oh, I enjoyed that thing that seems difficult. I want to do more of that. You know, that really kicks in. So that was probably my big breakthrough moment, is just really being lucky enough to spend that time on myself. So how about you come and how did you get into self development? So yeah, my one, my first encounter really was through necessity and no plan at all. I spend all my work in life in corporate until my mid thirties. It was a rad race, running around and cheaping goals and dreams and, you know, I'd teach something and focusing already in the next goal. So never really enjoying as a librating any achievements. It was like what is the next? What is next? And you know only thinking about how to go high on the Corp. Would lad that I get more money and I never question the supposed to be honest, Alida, because even for the answer around me was doing the same. So I never, you know, I never thought it is in the right way to live my life. I was just doing things and I was jumped full of energy, so I was getting things and getting my dreams Butts, and this is a big bats, as they dars, passed by. I started feeling this emptiness in my soul and it's kind of level of unhappiness. There's not huge, basically air constant,...

...you know, on a daily basis, in feeling like you know it's this life is not so great, but you know, the Rad race, UBC you don't have to think and emotions and feelings for the head is this in I don't have time for these names, so you keep going and going going. The problem with us like the feelings started getting stronger and stronger and stronger, and I kept listening, not listening to them, and then I decided to with the side to have a kids. So I was really well in the company examply Brey, helping a lot deer in my pregnancy and after my Machannit, I came back and I was remoted. I lost fifteen pero pounds. My partner at the time as well, lost a lot of money in a business he was doing. And then Ye's later I got to day death in my family in the same week and I find hell broke loose totally. I went to the darkest point I never been in my life. I didn't even want to get out of beds and really push myself to go to work because my fears were controlling my life and I couldn't leave my company, yet I was so unhappy there. So I remember spend many, many months, even years, being a victim to the point, I think, at the last year that job, I had to go to a park to cry before I want to work and put a fake smile and smile every day because I didn't want to cry at home. I had a baby and I was so over tired because she didn't sleep and having to go with it in a hide your level job. So it was totally my men and I remember once I went to the park, it's beautiful part next to my house, to cry a six o'clock in the morning and I couldn't cry anymore. I didn't have tears and at that point suddenly my mind, in my body started focusing on solutions and I started doing a suicide. I think I got a coach, I got counseling your name, and as such, a reading books about self de parlopment and watching videos, but in films. I was absorbing all these things that were toatally new in my life and they were helping me.

So I started, you know, I still was working corporate life and I was doing a lot of work on myself and suddenly I did this course in coaching where, in a period of three years I was so scared of living the top jobs, the Corporal World, dying you all my life for many years that after three months the fear was to stay, to stay with these people, to stay won't do in the same job. So it was a huge dramatic uttern and I became a coach myself. But yeah, it's just out of necessity. I didn't plan it. I never talked about coaching with anybody early year. To be honest, you know that words was no part of my vocabulary. You know, in the business world. Yes, we'll see. It was just life really pushing with so much adversity in one after another. They in a way I didn't have a choice. I have to confront my fears if I didn't want to be lay down soleve me for you, what would be your biggest learning and taking away? So far from yourself, so from my self development, I found that I've been much happier since becoming more self aware and more connected with myself. I have more selfbelief and, like I said, I actually enjoy taking risks. Now, you know, I'm still naturally an introvert, but I have this real need to experience life. Like you said earlier on, we only get one life. Let's make it the happiest we can, and that's you know something that I think selfdevelopment really reinforces that. And very similar to you at there have been times in my life I've had a lot more money and, you know, influence and a good position in a business, but it actually didn't make me happy. I knew it was a path that many people took. I know it...

...was a path that many people would like to take, that I was very lucky to have the kind of natural attitude to be able to do it, but it didn't. It didn't make me happy whereas you know, really going with following my values and who I am and what I should be doing, which is, you know, my other values are around, you know, being of service to people, and I didn't really feel like I was doing that with the nature. So in sort of pursuing this getting to know myself, following self development, I do feel a lot more fulfilled and like, I know, I'm going to say I know who I am, but obviously I don't, because that will change again in a month and then a month after that. You know, you're always discovering more and more about yourself. And I have some idea of where I want to go, although again, that's always changing. You know, the goal post always changing, of like, Oh, I've got this idea now, but it's you know, it feels exciting, it feels alive. It doesn't feel like, you know, just a kind of drudgery. It feels like a genuine life now, and the good thing about being a coach is that I'm very lucky that I get to see this in other people. So, you know, yeah, I can see how quickly other people change just by spending some more time on themselves, and in doing that they could be better for those for other people around them. So that's really powerful to is getting to see it from the other side, because so much, you know, we just people don't spend the time helping themselves which, when they do, spend the time helping others. And actually it's really key to having that time to and that space to get that clarity, of clarity around who you are and what you want to do and what you really enjoyed. Is. That was something that was really missing for my life, as I just didn't really know who I was or what I liked. I just kind of knew who I thought I was supposed to...

...be and what I should like, and they're two very different things. So what a what have you learned, Carmen? So, yeah, my I think what law me away is to understand how your money gross it you change your mind and you can change your life, and I never knew that. And just there the knowledge that we have two different minds, the conscious one, our conscious mind, that what we are aware of at the sub conscious mind that I never knew. The systems, and this one is the programming that's been downloaded on to us by the age of seven years to become function members of a family of society and here's where we store all our beliefs. That not they are not ours. There are our cares. famillion people around us when we were kids, and the problem with that is like the majority of the beliefs and negative affecting our lives, and it should. You know, science shows that the subconscious part of our mind controls, my two percent of our lives, and this is crazy. I never knew that, auntil. I wasn't in my mid thirties. It will. It should be something. They should be taught at school this. Kids needs to understand that the mind is a very powerful truth. They happen and to get whatever they want in life. So that really blew me away from all these learnings. And the second thing is the importance of showing up in authentive way. I spend many, many years. I remember I started when I went to boarding school with the superrich kids, and I will no more working class background. I started being an actress and excellent in in in creating roles depending on who I'm talking to. So if I'm talking to your live I know what you want to hear. I can assess it very quick so I will present myself and ask this persona that you want to see and you with the words you want to hear. So I please everybody. But what happening is the more you...

...behave like that, the more you bury yourself and at the end, to be honest, little by little, one day you wake up and you don't have a clue who you are anymore. And then you spend your life mainly in corporates. And you will know that where we think if we have bad days, better not to show like I want to the park, to cry, to put a fake smile, because people will judge me in they would think that could not be a leader, I can not get the next promotion. So you hide yourself even more and by doing coaching and becoming a coach and, you know, posting a lot of things in social media and becoming more myself. It's incredible, the power of being authentic, because all these things I have in my head that I can't show myself if people are not going to like me. It's the opposite, Oliva, as you know, it's the opposite when you show you true self, and it's really importantality because with social media and our kids, they need to understand that when you show yourself as you true share self, the good and the bad. People liked you more and people connect with you at a deeper level because we all have issues and we will carry, you know, heavy burdens on our shoulders and then they go, oh, companies like me, Oh, look at all leigous. So the connection is much deeper, much stronger. Yet I spend twenty years of my life thinking I can't show myself people because people will not like me, and that is the basically to earlier for me were extremely powerful. Yeah, so the social media thing actually is a really good point. It's just reminded me that was it last night? It might been the night before, I can't remember. We had it was some Jason Muntford comedy smash the special on and at the end he did this kind of bit that it wasn't a joke. It was just a real genuine bit about the importance of self care and looking after yourself and things like that and how social media can affect you. And he made this comment that you look at social media and...

...think ill of all those people these amazing houses that look at that. They said they haven't gotten it isn't that they've got a nicer house than you. It's just that they're better at taking photos than you. And I was like that's very true actually, because you have no idea what's been cut out with that shot where all the dirty laundries piled up or whatever. We even lef see he's in there, because they're fory sick. I can see my eleven year kids. She gets heat their way, the she edits photos. She's incredible. I don't know how to do it, but if he needs is a huge problem and it starts already with celebrities when they allow the photographers to bring, you know, to change their their physick so much from petition and there will create mental health issues, many from girls, young girls and young boys. And if you don't have the same legs, you know she's saying I only go into three legs, and my friend got terms like East car saw early for this and he's really concerning this way. To be honest, I'm doing more social media now to go because I need for coaching, but I was never too keen on it because when I went to instagram very rarely, or facebook or whatever, I just so beautiful things and I keep thinking purely this is a lie. Surely all these people, they don't have this breath of life. It just doesn't make sense to me. So yeah, it's it's quite important, isn't it, to pay attention to this. It's just interesting topic for another day. Olivia, we can to crow or some I gus. So what is your favorite topic of this area of personal development? Such a difficult question to answer because it's so big and vast, but I'm kind of the first things that come to mind and I'm torn between two our values and cognitive behavioral coaching. Now values. I'm always talking to people about values. I love working on values with clients. It's just had such a big impact on me and it was a really important part of finding out...

...who I was, the impact I want to have on others and how I'm going to have that. For me, just values really leads to so many different, different things. So you know, I'm really big on finding out your core values and then really looking at where those are showing up in your life at the moment and where you want them to show up more and how it can really help you. If you've got difficult decisions, just think about you know which one of those decisions is is more closely aligned with your values. So values is a really important one for me. And then I have a real kind of soft spot in my heart for cognitive behavior coaching because I just I found it very powerful and me, and I do it, of clients who it just gives them a it just it's another tool for really helping to see another perspective on things and to you know, if you've got a real task or something you want to get on with. It's a really useful there are really useful cognitive behavioral coaching which comes from company of PAB or therapy methods that can, you know, kind of help you think of new ways to do things or think of things in a different way and and just actually reach some of those goals and get some stuff done. And that just gives you such a boost when you realize you can actually do it. And you know, I just find it a really useful tool. So I think those are my two kind of key areas. And then, in addition to that is also how accessible selfdevelopment is. You know, there are so many ways you can access it. You could have a coach, you can read books, listen to podcast watch things on Netflix, Youtube. You know, they're actually can download for mindfulness. There's just so much content out there, even...

...social media. It's a lot of good social media as well. Yeah, just, you know, kind of making sure you're your feed if it is having a negative impact on you, will fill it with stuff that has a positive impact on you. So yeah, so I haven't really given you one answer there, but very difficult, isn't it? Yeah, what do you think? What's your kind of favorite area? So I always come back. It is quite funny because me and you we have our strengths. You're want is values. For me it's just this subconscious mind. They still, you know, it's controlling people's life and people they don't realize that this is happening. So within the sub conscious line is the limiting beliefs and fears, these two things that are our daily companions, instrumently powerful ones, and the problem is their negative affecting our lives in a negative way. And many times we look at other people passing us by and with them they don't happen, but they do. Everybody do so for me, like we always say, you know, it's important that you keep acting and you know, you know, keep going and moving forwards. The problem with those if you'd make decision from a place of limiting beliefs and fears is not great, because if they're not going to take you to the right estimation. So we need to go back to the base and the source and get rid and clean all these fears and limiting beliefs and then we can do the action and then we can get to whatever we want in life. And, as I mentioned before, like it could be that you said, okay, I want to earn a hundredzero pounds a year and you do the right thing, all the right things. So you work really harder, you and your colleagues. You have the right studies, the Riety to you, you help everybody, you have good qualities in you and you see people passing you by and you don't understand any could very well be that you come from a working class back ground where you saw your parents looking at which people like they are bad people or you hurt. Money...

...is the root of all levels. So, without you having it a clue, the these beliefs are working against your dreams and you will never get there until you become aware and you start working on them. So yeah, for me these two areas because I think once you you clean these to the possibilities are endless and it will help you to get out out of your comfortable zone, to grow and to really understand what is say what you make you happy in that, the end of the day, is the ultimate objective for all of us and to really achieve your dreams. And until we do that, of course, we can progress in our lives, that we will never get to the level where we feel content, fulfilling and happy. So yeah, limiting beliefs and fear is a very, very key to one to me. So I see we are towards the end. Olivia. Yes, so we've got our kind of I know we often kind of finish with a technique or something that people can use, but because this is such a wide area, I think it would be good to finish on our kind of final thoughts about selfdevelopment kind of sum up today's session. So my final thoughts are I think there's a an a nate need within us all to live and more fulfilling life, and selfdevelopment is key to pursuing that vision. And there are so many ways to access selfdevelopment, like I said before, so it's just a case of really finding what works for you and if you don't like something, that's fine. That just doesn't work, just try something else. So you see what does work for you, what's what's going to help you, and you know there's no need to feel guilty about working on yourself instead of other relationships and areas of your life, because actually, I'm working on yourself, you...

...are helping those other areas of your life. You can't help others if you don't help yourself first. And I always bring it back, and I don't know how many times I've used this analogy, but I found now when you're on a plane and you get told to with the oxygen masks, parents, you know, are told to fix their oxygen mask before they they put on their children's, and I think that's just a way that life is. You really have to look after yourself to be able to look after others, because if you don't look after yourself with then you're just not there for them. So it isn't selfish doing selfdevelopment. It's ultimately going to bring more filment to many areas of your life and can really help improve other relationships just being being more self aware and knowing yourself a bit more. So what are your fine thoughts, carment? So, yeah, similar is for me is very clear that if you want to have a fulfill and happy life, whatever happy life needs to each person is very individual, but you need to have some kind of selfdevelopment. So the first thing is we need to learn how to live in the now. The present moment is the only time we can live. Yet we spend the majority of the Ne Needs in the day resenting our past or being scared of and unpredictable future. So we need to start living in the noun. The second thing is awareness. Be Aware of who you are, what you want to be, what you want to do, and work on yourself, love, really accept yourself, physically and mentally, for who you are. And the last thing it with personal development or Selfdevelopment, is about advert city, looking at life when adversity comes to us, that you will come, and sometimes three times in a role. What is the learning here for me? Because many times is somehow lie pushing us to go,...

...pushing us to get out of your comfortable zone, because we don't do it if, if we don't get that push. So when you get in a really dark place, just look at it like probably this is what I need. But what do I need to learn here? What I need to see that I don't see here and try to see life from that perspective. So yeah, that will be my m key takings in this area. Brilliant. So thank you all for listening and please join us again next week and, if you like, to connect with us on social media, because, like I said, it's not all bad, and you can connect to us at Instagram at Naked Truth pod, and twitter at naked truth underscore pod, and our facebook page is naked truth with Carmen and Olivia. And if you'd like to collaborate and share your story, our email address is naked truth pod at gmailcom. Or if you want to come on as a guest or anything, just contact us there and we will arrange something. So tell your friends about us, spread the word, stay honest, stay you and stay naked. Good bye. By everyboddy my way.

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