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Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia
Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia

Episode 4 · 1 year ago

Episode 4: Self Development

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

The theme for this week is self development! Join certified transformational life coaches, Carmen and Olivia, as they discuss how they first got into self development, their biggest discoveries and more!

Connect with us on social media on instagram @nakedtruthpod, on Twitter @nakedtruth_pod, and find our Facebook page Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia.

Hello and welcome to the latest episoldof our broadcast naked, to have with carming Alvia. I'm carming, isa blizzard to bend your minutes really this morning. The double for today isself development. As life coaches, we are obviously very interested in this area. So, Olivia, what is self development mean to you? Hi,everyone, thanks for joining us again. And so to me, selfdevelopment is, I mean, it's a huge topic, but I'd like to start by sayingthat in life we obviously need to nurture and take care of our relationships, and the longest and most important relationship you will ever have in your lifeis the relationship with yourself, and selfdevelopment is nurturing that relationship so many differentways which we can work on ourselves. That selfdevelopment allows us to plan andmake positive and effective life choices and decisions for our futures, and ultimately thatleads to us feeling more empowered and fulfilled. So for me personally, it's aboutalways striving to improve myself via a better version of me, being moreselfaware, doing, you know, lifelong learning, never stopping, just keepgoing, always learning stuff about yourself and new techniques, being very honest andtrue to myself, not trying to be someone else, and ultimately that reallyhelps look after my my mental wellbeing. And it is a never ending journey. It's never kind of over. Unfortunately, I don't think we ever reach thatkind of pivotal moment of self actualization. I don't think that ever really happens. But it's, you know,...

...a journey that we're all on andthe more we do on it, the more we know about ourselves and itdoes make lead you to feel more fulfilled, even if we never quite get selfactualization. How about yourself? The shame, isn't it? The manyof fathers. We will not get there. But I think the Self Bud polization. It's all about putting the war and it takes a lot of work. So yeah, for me it's not different from what you said's, youknow, they overall crazy police. We all, you know, we wantdifferent things with in life, but you go deep nerve enough is happiness andfulfillment. So for me it would be four areas that you mentioned. Thefirst one is self laugh. It's a continuous work. We never learn whenwe were kids how to really self laugh. It's all about caring for other's wegenerous be kind, and I've seen the majority of the problems I seemy life with me and many people around me as well in my corporate job, is that we we lack in that self love. So we give toomuch with them, we don't put clear boundaries and around us and it createsa lot of stress and unhappiness in our lives. So first one for meself love. The second one is self awareness. So it's about to knowyourself, who you are, what are your values and who you want tobe, and by doing them you can show up in a moral empty wayand you can deepen the relationships with with others. The third one, itwill be clarity of directions, like what the heck do I want for mylife? You know? So life is not place, that is not arehearsal. Is the place, and we have only one child chance to trulylive and enjoy. So we need to think about what we want and reallypush ourselves out of our comfortable song and a cheap to chief our dream andto grow. And the fourth one that you mention is what is mental wealthyand in for me, personal development is...

...the gym for the mind. Sothe majority of our suffering happiness in our our heads and with self growth andself development we will be able to see life events and situations where living froma different perspective. So it can reduce the stress and and sight in ourlife. So, as you mentioned, a life journey, a daily nurturingof this area, but I've really really important area. We want to behappy. Soliver, how did you get into into the South Development? Myfirst for a into selfdevelopment beyond, you know, that kind of workplace personaldevelopment plans etc. which, let's face it, are quite often not reallyworth the paper theyre written on. was probably due to my poor mental healthwhen I was in the police, and that's why I first got a tasteof cognitive behavior therapy, which I found, and studio still do find, veryhelpful, particular those moments where you just like the end goal, thething you're trying to achieve, just seems so difficult and so far away,being able to kind of break things down into the into the next moment.So, for example, when I was very ill but was still in work, it was a case of actually going to work was too big. Thatwas too big a goal was to get into the workplace, but what wasn't, through CBT, was rough. I'm just going to get up and havea shower. What I'm going to do after I have a shower or thinkabout that. Then okay, then I brush my teeth. Your brush yourteeth. Then what you're going to do? I'm going to get dressed. Youknow, it was really just always just looking to the next step ratherthan that Oh God, I've got to go into work and you know,I don't feel well, I don't know what to do. And along withthat there was also some mindfulness and kind of meditation techniques. But I haveto say that wasn't really a big breakthrough...

...moment in selfdevelopment for me. Ididn't actively pursue it and sort of know that I was doing it and,you know, really purposefully doing it until later on, which I think reallystarted when I was working in the corporate area in HR and I had aline manager who's very, very big on any kind of development, whether itis, you know, continuous personal development through work life, from learning softskills, things like that, and then also more of the actual what youtend to think of a self development and you know, Coaching Relationships, coachingconversations. You know, she was very keen on all that kind of stuffand that really kind of drew me into it and finding out more about myselfand what, you know, who I really was, becoming more selfaware.I mean, unfortunately from my line manager. Part of that awareness was realizing Iabsolutely wasn't in the right environment for me to be able to thrive.So she might have regretted that in the end. I don't know. I'msure she didn't. I'm sure she's very happy that I'm happy and so there. When I left hr I'm you know, I wasn't a very fortunate position.That I know not every one gets a chance to do, but Idid have. I was able to take a few months off work completely andreally spend some time on self development and finding out who I was, youknow, through coaching and just kind of exploring things and just spending more timeon me and in doing that, you know, I really looked at myvalues and started living them. My core value, as I think I've probablymentioned numerous times, is authenticity. So...

...it was really about, you know, all kind of decisions moving forward, me thinking about my values and howthey fit into all the decisions I make in life. And then I gotinto becoming no life coach myself and training in that and getting qualified and havingclients and I've just found myself, you know, through whether it's goal settingor just being more comfortable in my own skin. I found myself taking somemore risks in life and really seeing the benefit and then wanting to do more. So I think it, you know, once you really start looking at Selfdevelopment, that kind of positivity cycle of our. I'm going to try thisthing that seems difficult. Oh, I enjoyed that thing that seems difficult.I want to do more of that. You know, that really kicks in. So that was probably my big breakthrough moment, is just really being luckyenough to spend that time on myself. So how about you come and howdid you get into self development? So yeah, my one, my firstencounter really was through necessity and no plan at all. I spend all mywork in life in corporate until my mid thirties. It was a rad race, running around and cheaping goals and dreams and, you know, I'd teachsomething and focusing already in the next goal. So never really enjoying as a libratingany achievements. It was like what is the next? What is next? And you know only thinking about how to go high on the Corp.Would lad that I get more money and I never question the supposed to behonest, Alida, because even for the answer around me was doing the same. So I never, you know, I never thought it is in theright way to live my life. I was just doing things and I wasjumped full of energy, so I was getting things and getting my dreams Butts, and this is a big bats, as they dars, passed by.I started feeling this emptiness in my soul and it's kind of level of unhappiness. There's not huge, basically air constant,...

...you know, on a daily basis, in feeling like you know it's this life is not so great,but you know, the Rad race, UBC you don't have to think andemotions and feelings for the head is this in I don't have time for thesenames, so you keep going and going going. The problem with us likethe feelings started getting stronger and stronger and stronger, and I kept listening,not listening to them, and then I decided to with the side to havea kids. So I was really well in the company examply Brey, helpinga lot deer in my pregnancy and after my Machannit, I came back andI was remoted. I lost fifteen pero pounds. My partner at the timeas well, lost a lot of money in a business he was doing.And then Ye's later I got to day death in my family in the sameweek and I find hell broke loose totally. I went to the darkest point Inever been in my life. I didn't even want to get out ofbeds and really push myself to go to work because my fears were controlling mylife and I couldn't leave my company, yet I was so unhappy there.So I remember spend many, many months, even years, being a victim tothe point, I think, at the last year that job, Ihad to go to a park to cry before I want to work and puta fake smile and smile every day because I didn't want to cry at home. I had a baby and I was so over tired because she didn't sleepand having to go with it in a hide your level job. So itwas totally my men and I remember once I went to the park, it'sbeautiful part next to my house, to cry a six o'clock in the morningand I couldn't cry anymore. I didn't have tears and at that point suddenlymy mind, in my body started focusing on solutions and I started doing asuicide. I think I got a coach, I got counseling your name, andas such, a reading books about self de parlopment and watching videos,but in films. I was absorbing all these things that were toatally new inmy life and they were helping me.

So I started, you know,I still was working corporate life and I was doing a lot of work onmyself and suddenly I did this course in coaching where, in a period ofthree years I was so scared of living the top jobs, the Corporal World, dying you all my life for many years that after three months the fearwas to stay, to stay with these people, to stay won't do inthe same job. So it was a huge dramatic uttern and I became acoach myself. But yeah, it's just out of necessity. I didn't planit. I never talked about coaching with anybody early year. To be honest, you know that words was no part of my vocabulary. You know,in the business world. Yes, we'll see. It was just life reallypushing with so much adversity in one after another. They in a way Ididn't have a choice. I have to confront my fears if I didn't wantto be lay down soleve me for you, what would be your biggest learning andtaking away? So far from yourself, so from my self development, Ifound that I've been much happier since becoming more self aware and more connectedwith myself. I have more selfbelief and, like I said, I actually enjoytaking risks. Now, you know, I'm still naturally an introvert, butI have this real need to experience life. Like you said earlier on, we only get one life. Let's make it the happiest we can,and that's you know something that I think selfdevelopment really reinforces that. And verysimilar to you at there have been times in my life I've had a lotmore money and, you know, influence and a good position in a business, but it actually didn't make me happy. I knew it was a path thatmany people took. I know it...

...was a path that many people wouldlike to take, that I was very lucky to have the kind of naturalattitude to be able to do it, but it didn't. It didn't makeme happy whereas you know, really going with following my values and who Iam and what I should be doing, which is, you know, myother values are around, you know, being of service to people, andI didn't really feel like I was doing that with the nature. So insort of pursuing this getting to know myself, following self development, I do feela lot more fulfilled and like, I know, I'm going to sayI know who I am, but obviously I don't, because that will changeagain in a month and then a month after that. You know, you'realways discovering more and more about yourself. And I have some idea of whereI want to go, although again, that's always changing. You know,the goal post always changing, of like, Oh, I've got this idea now, but it's you know, it feels exciting, it feels alive.It doesn't feel like, you know, just a kind of drudgery. Itfeels like a genuine life now, and the good thing about being a coachis that I'm very lucky that I get to see this in other people.So, you know, yeah, I can see how quickly other people changejust by spending some more time on themselves, and in doing that they could bebetter for those for other people around them. So that's really powerful tois getting to see it from the other side, because so much, youknow, we just people don't spend the time helping themselves which, when theydo, spend the time helping others. And actually it's really key to havingthat time to and that space to get that clarity, of clarity around whoyou are and what you want to do and what you really enjoyed. Is. That was something that was really missing for my life, as I justdidn't really know who I was or what I liked. I just kind ofknew who I thought I was supposed to...

...be and what I should like,and they're two very different things. So what a what have you learned,Carmen? So, yeah, my I think what law me away is tounderstand how your money gross it you change your mind and you can change yourlife, and I never knew that. And just there the knowledge that wehave two different minds, the conscious one, our conscious mind, that what weare aware of at the sub conscious mind that I never knew. Thesystems, and this one is the programming that's been downloaded on to us bythe age of seven years to become function members of a family of society andhere's where we store all our beliefs. That not they are not ours.There are our cares. famillion people around us when we were kids, andthe problem with that is like the majority of the beliefs and negative affecting ourlives, and it should. You know, science shows that the subconscious part ofour mind controls, my two percent of our lives, and this iscrazy. I never knew that, auntil. I wasn't in my mid thirties.It will. It should be something. They should be taught at school this. Kids needs to understand that the mind is a very powerful truth.They happen and to get whatever they want in life. So that really blewme away from all these learnings. And the second thing is the importance ofshowing up in authentive way. I spend many, many years. I rememberI started when I went to boarding school with the superrich kids, and Iwill no more working class background. I started being an actress and excellent inin in creating roles depending on who I'm talking to. So if I'm talkingto your live I know what you want to hear. I can assess itvery quick so I will present myself and ask this persona that you want tosee and you with the words you want to hear. So I please everybody. But what happening is the more you...

...behave like that, the more youbury yourself and at the end, to be honest, little by little,one day you wake up and you don't have a clue who you are anymore. And then you spend your life mainly in corporates. And you will knowthat where we think if we have bad days, better not to show likeI want to the park, to cry, to put a fake smile, becausepeople will judge me in they would think that could not be a leader, I can not get the next promotion. So you hide yourself even more andby doing coaching and becoming a coach and, you know, posting alot of things in social media and becoming more myself. It's incredible, thepower of being authentic, because all these things I have in my head thatI can't show myself if people are not going to like me. It's theopposite, Oliva, as you know, it's the opposite when you show youtrue self, and it's really importantality because with social media and our kids,they need to understand that when you show yourself as you true share self,the good and the bad. People liked you more and people connect with youat a deeper level because we all have issues and we will carry, youknow, heavy burdens on our shoulders and then they go, oh, companieslike me, Oh, look at all leigous. So the connection is muchdeeper, much stronger. Yet I spend twenty years of my life thinking Ican't show myself people because people will not like me, and that is thebasically to earlier for me were extremely powerful. Yeah, so the social media thingactually is a really good point. It's just reminded me that was itlast night? It might been the night before, I can't remember. Wehad it was some Jason Muntford comedy smash the special on and at the endhe did this kind of bit that it wasn't a joke. It was justa real genuine bit about the importance of self care and looking after yourself andthings like that and how social media can affect you. And he made thiscomment that you look at social media and...

...think ill of all those people theseamazing houses that look at that. They said they haven't gotten it isn't thatthey've got a nicer house than you. It's just that they're better at takingphotos than you. And I was like that's very true actually, because youhave no idea what's been cut out with that shot where all the dirty laundriespiled up or whatever. We even lef see he's in there, because they'refory sick. I can see my eleven year kids. She gets heat theirway, the she edits photos. She's incredible. I don't know how todo it, but if he needs is a huge problem and it starts alreadywith celebrities when they allow the photographers to bring, you know, to changetheir their physick so much from petition and there will create mental health issues,many from girls, young girls and young boys. And if you don't havethe same legs, you know she's saying I only go into three legs,and my friend got terms like East car saw early for this and he's reallyconcerning this way. To be honest, I'm doing more social media now togo because I need for coaching, but I was never too keen on itbecause when I went to instagram very rarely, or facebook or whatever, I justso beautiful things and I keep thinking purely this is a lie. Surelyall these people, they don't have this breath of life. It just doesn'tmake sense to me. So yeah, it's it's quite important, isn't it, to pay attention to this. It's just interesting topic for another day.Olivia, we can to crow or some I gus. So what is yourfavorite topic of this area of personal development? Such a difficult question to answer becauseit's so big and vast, but I'm kind of the first things thatcome to mind and I'm torn between two our values and cognitive behavioral coaching.Now values. I'm always talking to people about values. I love working onvalues with clients. It's just had such a big impact on me and itwas a really important part of finding out...

...who I was, the impact Iwant to have on others and how I'm going to have that. For me, just values really leads to so many different, different things. So youknow, I'm really big on finding out your core values and then really lookingat where those are showing up in your life at the moment and where youwant them to show up more and how it can really help you. Ifyou've got difficult decisions, just think about you know which one of those decisionsis is more closely aligned with your values. So values is a really important onefor me. And then I have a real kind of soft spot inmy heart for cognitive behavior coaching because I just I found it very powerful andme, and I do it, of clients who it just gives them ait just it's another tool for really helping to see another perspective on things andto you know, if you've got a real task or something you want toget on with. It's a really useful there are really useful cognitive behavioral coachingwhich comes from company of PAB or therapy methods that can, you know,kind of help you think of new ways to do things or think of thingsin a different way and and just actually reach some of those goals and getsome stuff done. And that just gives you such a boost when you realizeyou can actually do it. And you know, I just find it areally useful tool. So I think those are my two kind of key areas. And then, in addition to that is also how accessible selfdevelopment is.You know, there are so many ways you can access it. You couldhave a coach, you can read books, listen to podcast watch things on Netflix, Youtube. You know, they're actually can download for mindfulness. There'sjust so much content out there, even...

...social media. It's a lot ofgood social media as well. Yeah, just, you know, kind ofmaking sure you're your feed if it is having a negative impact on you,will fill it with stuff that has a positive impact on you. So yeah, so I haven't really given you one answer there, but very difficult,isn't it? Yeah, what do you think? What's your kind of favoritearea? So I always come back. It is quite funny because me andyou we have our strengths. You're want is values. For me it's justthis subconscious mind. They still, you know, it's controlling people's life andpeople they don't realize that this is happening. So within the sub conscious line isthe limiting beliefs and fears, these two things that are our daily companions, instrumently powerful ones, and the problem is their negative affecting our lives ina negative way. And many times we look at other people passing us byand with them they don't happen, but they do. Everybody do so forme, like we always say, you know, it's important that you keepacting and you know, you know, keep going and moving forwards. Theproblem with those if you'd make decision from a place of limiting beliefs and fearsis not great, because if they're not going to take you to the rightestimation. So we need to go back to the base and the source andget rid and clean all these fears and limiting beliefs and then we can dothe action and then we can get to whatever we want in life. And, as I mentioned before, like it could be that you said, okay, I want to earn a hundredzero pounds a year and you do the rightthing, all the right things. So you work really harder, you andyour colleagues. You have the right studies, the Riety to you, you helpeverybody, you have good qualities in you and you see people passing youby and you don't understand any could very well be that you come from aworking class back ground where you saw your parents looking at which people like theyare bad people or you hurt. Money...

...is the root of all levels.So, without you having it a clue, the these beliefs are working against yourdreams and you will never get there until you become aware and you startworking on them. So yeah, for me these two areas because I thinkonce you you clean these to the possibilities are endless and it will help youto get out out of your comfortable zone, to grow and to really understand whatis say what you make you happy in that, the end of theday, is the ultimate objective for all of us and to really achieve yourdreams. And until we do that, of course, we can progress inour lives, that we will never get to the level where we feel content, fulfilling and happy. So yeah, limiting beliefs and fear is a very, very key to one to me. So I see we are towards theend. Olivia. Yes, so we've got our kind of I know weoften kind of finish with a technique or something that people can use, butbecause this is such a wide area, I think it would be good tofinish on our kind of final thoughts about selfdevelopment kind of sum up today's session. So my final thoughts are I think there's a an a nate need withinus all to live and more fulfilling life, and selfdevelopment is key to pursuing thatvision. And there are so many ways to access selfdevelopment, like Isaid before, so it's just a case of really finding what works for youand if you don't like something, that's fine. That just doesn't work,just try something else. So you see what does work for you, what'swhat's going to help you, and you know there's no need to feel guiltyabout working on yourself instead of other relationships and areas of your life, becauseactually, I'm working on yourself, you...

...are helping those other areas of yourlife. You can't help others if you don't help yourself first. And Ialways bring it back, and I don't know how many times I've used thisanalogy, but I found now when you're on a plane and you get toldto with the oxygen masks, parents, you know, are told to fixtheir oxygen mask before they they put on their children's, and I think that'sjust a way that life is. You really have to look after yourself tobe able to look after others, because if you don't look after yourself withthen you're just not there for them. So it isn't selfish doing selfdevelopment.It's ultimately going to bring more filment to many areas of your life and canreally help improve other relationships just being being more self aware and knowing yourself abit more. So what are your fine thoughts, carment? So, yeah, similar is for me is very clear that if you want to have afulfill and happy life, whatever happy life needs to each person is very individual, but you need to have some kind of selfdevelopment. So the first thingis we need to learn how to live in the now. The present momentis the only time we can live. Yet we spend the majority of theNe Needs in the day resenting our past or being scared of and unpredictable future. So we need to start living in the noun. The second thing isawareness. Be Aware of who you are, what you want to be, whatyou want to do, and work on yourself, love, really acceptyourself, physically and mentally, for who you are. And the last thingit with personal development or Selfdevelopment, is about advert city, looking at lifewhen adversity comes to us, that you will come, and sometimes three timesin a role. What is the learning here for me? Because many timesis somehow lie pushing us to go,...

...pushing us to get out of yourcomfortable zone, because we don't do it if, if we don't get thatpush. So when you get in a really dark place, just look atit like probably this is what I need. But what do I need to learnhere? What I need to see that I don't see here and tryto see life from that perspective. So yeah, that will be my mkey takings in this area. Brilliant. So thank you all for listening andplease join us again next week and, if you like, to connect withus on social media, because, like I said, it's not all bad, and you can connect to us at Instagram at Naked Truth pod, andtwitter at naked truth underscore pod, and our facebook page is naked truth withCarmen and Olivia. And if you'd like to collaborate and share your story,our email address is naked truth pod at gmailcom. Or if you want tocome on as a guest or anything, just contact us there and we willarrange something. So tell your friends about us, spread the word, stayhonest, stay you and stay naked. Good bye. By everyboddy my way.

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