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Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia
Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia

Episode 5 · 1 year ago

Episode 5: Emotional Intelligence

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

On this week's episode of Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia the ladies discuss emotional intelligence! Hear Carmen bravely be taken through an EQ test and listen to life hacks to improve your own emotional intelligence.

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Hello and welcome to the fifth episodeof Naked Truth with Carmon and Olivia. I hope you all well nd. How are youdoing carmon? I'M! Well, thank Yo. U Very much inthis rainy beautiful morning in London. I US had made after a few months of hitream Het. So I'm quite happy with this weather. To be honest, the gardens theylook amazing. What about you yeah? I'm I'm less a fan of the rainthan you are you love it when it's raining I'mh only 'cause? I, it really affectsmy only exercise ragime at the moment, which is going out for like six milewalks and it's much more pleasurable when it's at least dry. So, but youknow you can walk anyway. It's m e staying in his Candinavia when I wentthere the first time, there's not such a thing as back whether if you have thewrong clothes they sa that's the thing I have the wrong clothes. I havei Boshopping to get some wet weather gear anyway. I suppose that that leads intoUm. Perhaps looking at my intelligence that today today we're not actuallygoing to be discussing W IQ and R or general intelligence instead we'regoing to be talking about emotional intelligence, so Cammon, what on earthis emotional intelligence, and why should I care about it? Well, he should care a lot. Soemotional intelligence is what we call as well IHOM and is the ability tounderstand and manage your emotions and those of the people around you, sopeople with a high degree of emotional intellingent, no, what their feeling,what their motions mean to them, a d, How these emotions can affect otherpeople, the ability to understand and recognize these emotions in yourselfand others can make you a better friend, a better parenlede, a better romanticpartner? U So, it's really really fetting all areas of your life and thelucky parties. These skills can be learned, so it if you're, terrible withemotion to something you can improve, is a live journey really more thananything else. What about you? Olivia, whatell, you thoughts in this area. Well, one thing that really interestsme is that some people just don't believe in it and they don't think it'sa real thing. They don't they believe in Iq, but they they just do notbelieve in Ecu because they claim there's no ou, know scientific evidencebehind it and it's a man made construct, but that I mean that doesn't sitparticularly well with me, because what isn't a man made construct, Lik,weve, flabled everything everything in our lives. You know we've, given it aname and and kind of made up these theories. It hasn't been they'r wrongand it's it's just a useful way to be able to understand ourselves. So in ourline of work, I don't think we can deny how important it is to understand your own emotions and howthey affect others, and also how important it is to be able to readother people's emotions and and manage help them manage their emotions, butobviously, in other work environments, as I'm sure we have all experienced.Emotions can be a very difficult thing to talk about openly and then thatmakes it very difficult to be yourself in the in the workplace, 'cause you're,trying to perhaps hide or change the way that you really feel andnot let people know what's going on Loit's a really good point, isn her,because that work, probably we show up, I said persona they want to Seawi thin.They want to see and we bury ourselves leve me more every day and it justdoesn't help doesn't ow IUST, yeah and...

...work. You know I think places are gettingbetter at dealing with people and how they are seen as people rather thanjust a resource, but at the end of the day, a lot of companies are just tryingto get the job done, so they don't really care how people are emotionallyreacting to things and how things are affecting them. So I get it, but you'dhave a much happier workplace if things like emotional intelligence areconsidered and you kno on an everyday basis and as a very normal um thing,that's happening so now we're going to briefly touch on what happens when weexperience an emotion so yeah. So as we mentioned, emotionsare really really important, because it's Te can influence the way you madedecisions and your action, so they influence Um. You did you, you socal connections withother people, if you're going to thrive, Yinr life or no and the way youaregoing to survive challenging situation. So what temds to happen is there is asituation and I'm just going to put a very simple example. So everybody canunderstand. So I'm juggling multiple that limes and I didn't sleep well lastnight I go to work and there is a trigger vand that one of my collectsdisagrees with me and something- and it's quite hush- and you knowaggressive so my emotional state now after the encounty will the anger andthe sentiments an an my physical state when we get tothan we get a Livi stress or our hard rite goes up our Bodie tences and thenyou have a response. So in terms of the response, you have three types ofresponse. You can be positive where you go, you pass before. You react, Yot,TAK, few breaths and you refleton. Why are you ungry and tri to proset processthese thoughts and see what actions will supordue the best in that precisemoment, so that woild be very positive, then Beos? The one will be that youjust avoid these people and walk away and just cant be bothered to evenintract with them and the very negative one is to argue and Belitl that thatmany times is what tends to happen. So that is how it works. In terms ofyou know- and there is always a a gab between thatrigr events and ourreaction and emotionaly intelligence has to play in Thak up, you know tomake sure we understand our emotions and we decide what is best. What is thebest course of faction that well get a wingy situation for yourself, but forall thers involved in this situation in a way, and now we're going to move ontosomething that I've kind of just dropped on Carmon whicha scared. So there are, there are lots ofdifferent tests. You can take online too, basically acsess your level of emotion,intelligence. So is it very poor? Is it okay or is it any someone who is doeshave a really high level of emotional intelligence and then, when you've donethe test, you can decide kind of what what work you should do to improve itor help maintain it. So I found a test on mind tools andmine. Tols is one of those sites where I think you can have like threearticles a day for free without having to Um pay for anything which is alwaysnice. Ellyothey have a test on you know, howl emotionally intelligent, argue socommon. If you're, feeling brave and remember the point of this Pu caste isto be you know very open and nonakayeah...

...feeling very, very exposed. I would like it to take you throughthis test now and Um and record it. I feel very spose and abing all my lifesaying I'm Nover gooding Iq, probably a'm average, but I have such a higherEq. So if this test does improveth GOINTA be in a bad place, 'svery embarrassing go ahead. I'm readythe good news is no matter what your answer is. Whatif your score is at theend, you cant improve it. I know right o the answers too. Sorry. I've got such acough today. The answers too, the questions all the same options. So your answersare not at all, rarely sometimes often and very often, okay, sorry not at all, rarelysometimes often and very often soi. If it is from one to five, I giveyou what it is with words tell me with words, so I don't getmixed up igave us. So the first question is, or the firststatement or answer is: I can recognize my emotions, as I experience them. Oh very often, ihope you're answering truthfully here I lose my temper when I feel frustrated. See's Ha tricky one, because I lose mytemper a lot but people they don't see it O. If, if you're answering for how youfeel okay, Ofton people have told me that I'm a goodlisteneroften, I was goinhoping you weren't, Goingto,say rary that Oe shock were. I was beten varyingoften, but es somebody who doesn't think so. So I can't go with it te.Okay. I know how to calm myself down when I feel anxious or upset yeah. Veryoften I enjoy organizing groups. Very often, I find it hard to focus on somethingover the long turn I fiund it hard you sait yeah. I findit hard to focus on something over the longturn. Really I find it difficult to move on when Ifeel frustrated or unhappy rarely and tinpatient. I know my strengths and weaknesses. OhYea, very oft. I avoid conflict and negotiations. Sometimes I feel that I don't enjoy my work. H Sometimes I ask people for feedback on what I dowell and how I can improve. Often I set long term goals and reviewng myprogress regularly. I find it difficult to read otherpeople's emotions. I struggle to build Rapa with othersnono. I use active listening skools whenpeople speak to me...

...often, and that is it, I'm GOINGTA clickcalculate my total Johndo. You want to know what it is. Iis your score is sixty two yes thar's website anywhere between fifty six and seventyfive great. You are an emotionally intelligent person, so you are hayyovebeen telling people you've got great inc. You have great relationships andyou probably find that people approach you for advice at sounder ton. Verytrue, however, there's always, however, when so many people admire your peopleskills, it's easy to lose sight of. Your own needs, read ourtits below to find out how youcan continue to build your emotional intelligence and the is very, very trueanys o point. They extremely important ans being a live journey, and I'm somuch better now after forty years, but for many of my limiting beliefs and myfears you want to please others, so you turn to focus on that and you totallyforget the self love and self compassion, and that is reallyimportant, because until you really love yourself and accept yourself, youcan't truly love anybody else. So you say it's a really good point reallygood point yeah and I think people that are naturally Um, so natural impats it is. It is reallyeasy to forget yourself in that that you'realways trying to help other people and improve theirlives. But actually, when was the last time you sat down anddid your own self care and so yea Haffiness, that's a really good pointand their last Senen last couple of sentences are researchers. Ave found that emotionallyintelligent people often have great leadership potential realize thispotential by seeking opportunities to improve further. So, as you can see, ofearning nonsetos, my and in a ways too, because in my experience incorporatesyou see, may leaders being excellenting, I cear Al. This sbut sesuly, I wasshocked. Son of them were in their positions because the Eki was so lowand I think for the future, if you don't have the right carratertraits, you just cannot be successful because I don't think the futuregenerations will tolerate seresome kind of behaviors towards them. As we did inthe past, and I think one of the fecies I was Readin an article deal ther Bou, lide chief, is about serving others. Somany people in in my Korea they calle themselves leaders, but none of uscalld them leaders here Lia is a person that olther people call them leaders.You know, and if you set yourself in your career, to become a leader you'renot going to do very well because he has to come. Naturally I has to beorganic and he has to be from the people in a wage like a Littl, be likevoting for a party to get into power. People has to vote. Do evote that youare an excellent Medin if you're not serving others, and you don't have theempathy to understand other people's emotions and things like that. I don'tthink you can be successful in the future yeah and I I think I'm I've certainly noticed that more andmore companies actually Um. You know like the psycometric test,that they do more and more companies are bringing in that kind of eq element,intor things, particularly when putting people in leadership positions as they are kindof slowly starting to recognize how important it is for a leader tobeen an emotionally intelligent person...

...that it isn't a case of being the most traditionally successfulman in the room. Is You know traditionally what it's been? It's nowthere s that there's a lot more to it than that, so I mean, I hope, you'reright, that Y CAU se. It feels like all this is a very long time coming. Well,to me honest as well, I can see I mean I'm not from these country, so I neverknow how the system education system was before I'm learning how it is. NowI have a child and she's going to secondry now and I we had a meetingwith the school an we had to go through a Bidi about their ethels and theirvalues, and I was so happy to see that it was everything is based on youbecoming a person with a strong, Carrato trads, and then he comes themoth and the English. On top of that, I to remember t ioneancoretmifan ROMP,perhaps in this country was different, but when I was a kid we never talkabout these things, e was mady was singly. She was you know, Um whatever the CRICULUM was nothing to dowith you as a person in my school, no secondary, no primary nor university.So in a way, I I was really happy this week to see the secondtary school theybase. Everything on you need to be a good person. You know and understandyourself care for yourself and care for others and care for the school andrespects everything in your life, and I was really pleased to eanes. He reallypleased it yeah. I think it's n, I mean I think at school we did have a onehour a week that was called curriculum enrichment that I think Chisma Ele. Itwas a bit of a kind of a social impact. It was a bevera mixture, t o socialimpacts, and there was also, I think, probably a degree of what was maybe thought of. I self careback then, but actually I didn't go to o many of those lessons, because I didtwo foreign languages and the way that they fitted it into the time table wasto have one lesson before school and one lesson during that hour. So so wat an. I just learned anotherlanguage instead of them learning about. You know how to be more emotionallyintelligent or anything at of you, soy 'cause, you didn't need Olivia, you hadit naturally, so you doasomeeres do ti s vey very lucky to just turn out allright, sometimes when you rea howthat Stokis missing from from school, butalso, I think now you do see more and more and techniques like mindfulnessand yeah and meditation and stuff like thatbeing brought into being a normal part of you know aschool day or or something that they're doing at school. So I think, there'sdefinitely some real positive changes and it would be really great to seethat you know becoming such a normal part of people'slive for the rest of their lines as well. Yes, Certaly 'cause, you willinpatall their lives othing, whatever we're learning ENO muts. You don'tremember everything, but you will remember you know these couter traitsand all these things that you learn in Thi area for the rest of your live. Soyet good point. So let's tolk a little be more oliviabout us. We always do to give the audience a little be of some strategisto hevp them to improve our ECIUM, so iwill star, and so there is always always always a gapbetween the stimulus and Onewe respond, so we fiel the motion and with them wemake a decision on the action we want to take, and I don't know if you listen toprevious portcast, Hey, remember: Ninety percent of our lives, Adan fromour subconscious mind and we don't have a a clue. What is running you know, wh.What is running the show is all these...

...beliefs. We have. So it's reallyimportant that we have some stratees to avoid operating from the outto pilots.That will give us the R wrong actions to take. So this, our son of the lifehucks, that we have the way implementing our lives that equil helpyou to embrace change and to thrive in life. So the first one is to to notice. So we have to notice how we feel how webehave and how we react and the majority of us we spend ourlives, rejecting the past or being really scared of the future. So it'sreally really important that we start learning how to be in the presentmoment. Observing these emotions without judgment. Don't judge yourselfbecause you feel angry jealousy resentful. There are no more human,behaviors and emotions, but try to face your emotions with curiosity and haveself compassion on yourself. So don't deny them because it doesn't work. Whatyou have to do is try to ask yourself what is the learning here and by doing this question you candisrupt the pattern and just trying to create his meaning of Chald Change. So,like foxample many times when we FEELA Anga anges, not the rud cost is asymptom, ICANMAS feeling SEF, shame embarrassing embarrassment, so we justneed to be in the present moment and observe. And what is the learning here and number two we would say is too except you need to accept reality. I know we say thisquite often, but you really do need to accept that whatever is in front of youis happening. There is no point wasting energy on fighting and losing battle, and the next thing we really need toaccept is responsibility for our own actions. So if you feel hurt in response tosomething someone says or does, and then you kind of lose it and lash outat them, that's your responsibility. Isn't Yotheirs. They didn't force you to lash out. They have actually no control over thatit's your reaction that is responsible for that you're si for sorry, your feelingsaren't another person's responsibility and once you start acceptingresponsibility for how you feel and how you behave, that has a positive impact on all areasof your life sentence of the Thir. One is to respond,so we need to make soure. We start. We stop our reaction to an event becausehe's coming from the subconscious, mind and yadding out to pilots and yourespond from the conscious mind. The thing is to understand is we have notour emotions, so we tend to say I'm angry, I'm sad! No, you not it's thebetter words for it. You will be. I notice, I'm feeling angry. So by doing that, you can startidentify the causes based on facts rather than Interpretration, so you'Rlimiting beliefs in your fears. quating the story you you ego wants to her. Sothe whole thing about responding is about becoming more rational and makeconscious decisions and mady decisions that are lying with your call values.So the question to US yourself is: Does...

...this action fit with my values and ifthat is not the case, what else can I do to my my situation? Better? Therewill be more in line with my values, because once you start making decisionsaloing with your values, you will be in a better emotional placeand. The nextthing itnotice again like notice, what'sgoing well, what are you grateful for? Creating a positive environment not only improves your quality in life,but it can really improve the quality of life around people around you aswell. So I just really notice what is going well and make small daily changes in yourmindset and habits that will move you from say feeling overwhelmed to beingreally excited about life. Instead, emotional intelligence is a lifetimeprocess. It's not something we develop and then it's it's done. I don't us todo t that now I have it. It really is lifetime practice and you can just keepimproving, but it's if you follow the steps that we've just kindo taken. Youthrough o you're, really noticing things being very mindful using your your conscious decision toto how you respond, rather than a an unconscious reaction, considering yourvalues and just having that empathy and self awareness and self responsibility,you will reap the benefits of emotional intelligence across your. You know yourlife and all the people involved MM and Toonis the overon message here andtaking into consideration everything we discuss today is thet emotionalintellit, ixtremely, importantli skilled, to reduce stress, ansiety,mental health issues, as well as the key ingredient to happiness and peaceof mind. 'cause. What we try to do with is emotional Italis. We will behealthier, happy and lasting relationships, not just with others aswell with ourselves and that extremely important yeah and I think m. that's a really good coor note to endon is that it is so key to those healthy happyrelationships and whether that's motionship with yourself and others, and I just don't th you can deny thatexists. You know it exists as much as as I qeists just exists in a different,a different way. No one is completely emotionless, Liwwel haveemotions, we all react to things and we all do it in a different way and havingmore understanding of that, and why we do. It can really help us grow andunderstand. What's going on for us and others and is to be honest, is reallybig because if you think about all these top people in you know runningcountries and taking the countries into wars and peice later IMIGTI for asecond. If these people had more emotional intelligence and H, they hadthei empathy to put themselves in the other in the other country shoes andtried to understand. So it will minimize a lot of the big conflicts wehave, and so that is why I think, and I hope to see im more and moring schoolsfor future generations, because I think it will have a huge impact in societyif people become high emotional intelligence yeah and I think, with conversation's becoming more and moreopen about anything kind of emotional or mental health related that we will see that that more andmore and that's what you know, we all...

...need to keep pushing forter the more wetalk about it, the more open we all are the easier it is for other people toget on board and and understand us as well yeah, because with the mentalHerfisius we all have, then you can hide yourself and you can jo that younever did, but we all have it. It depends on the level really now if wehad or not or we have an no, so we all have mental health issues and part ofthe problem is Thare is Esteama toched to it. So nobody talks about motions.Nobody talks about this kind of things and the moment society feels likeweakand all talk about this area. Things are going to start improvingbecause people don't feel so bad because they don't feel thestickimaattached to it, because, if Yor a little bit down or depressed or thingslike that, so it's a long journey by thingmaking huge differences. Many nowin the Locktown, a lot of people talks about mental health companies reallykinging helping the employees in the area. So I think more improvements tocome are needed Buti as we got we walking in the right path. I think yeahoberal yeah. So now it's time for me to say thankyou all for listening again and to please join us again next week, whenwe'll have a different topic that we haven't quite decided on yet- and Ialso want to say thank you to Carmon for letting me spring that Um e q test on her so i'mscon very happytoo ive got such a high schole a and that wasn't fix. She really did getthat scorl. She did ask me to fix it, though I'l be Oni, idid, idid Aviadusand I refuse anraly embarrassed. If I went twenty and all my life saying Ihave hiekou that will be unbearably embarrassed andthen go to Anga. You see not good, no gues, but as wernitwouldn't have mattered, what your score was. There's illlay, always stuff. Youcan do to improve your emotionl inteladarato. So please do connect withus at Instagram, an at naked truth, pottwitter, a naked truth under schoolpod and our face, but page naked truth with Carmon and Olivia and fel tre toemail us naked truth. Pod At jl Com share your story or, if you want to beinterviewed or collaborate with us, well be happy to talk to you to tellyour friends spread. The word stay on is stay you and stay naked L by byebye.

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