Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia
Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia

Episode 5 · 2 years ago

Episode 5: Emotional Intelligence


On this week's episode of Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia the ladies discuss emotional intelligence! Hear Carmen bravely be taken through an EQ test and listen to life hacks to improve your own emotional intelligence.

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Hello and welcome to the fifth episode of Naked Truth with Carmen and Olivia. I hope you're all well, and how are you doing? Carmen? I'm well. Thank you very much. In this rainy, beautiful and morning in London, I'm a sudden made after a few months of extreme here. I'm quite happy with this weather, to be honest. The Gardens, they look amazing. What about you? Yeah, I'm less a fan of the rain than you are. You love it when it's raining. I'm I think, is it? It really affects my only exercise regime at the moment, which is going out for like six mile walks, and it's much more pleasurable when it's at least dry, so you know you can walk anyway. It's the staying in Scandinavia when I went there the first time. There's no such a thing as bad weather. Is You have the wrong clothes, they say. That's the thing. I have the wrong clothes. I have a clear shopping to get some wet weather gear anyway. I suppose that that leads into perhaps look at my intelligence. But today, today we're not actually going to be discussing, you know, our Iq and our general intelligence. Instead, we're going to be talking about emotional intelligence. So, Carmen, what on earth is emotional intelligent and why should I care about it? Well, you should care a lot. So emotional intelligence is what we call, as well, Eq and use the ability to understand and manage your emotions and those of the people around you. So people with the high degree of emotional intelligence know what they're feeling, what their emotions mean to them, how this emotions can affect other people, and the ability to understand and recognize the emotions in yourself and others can make you a better friend, a bet apparent leader, a better romantic partner. So it's really, really affecting all areas of your life, and they're lucky parties. The skills can be learned. So it's if you terrible with emotions, is something you can improve. It's a life journey really, more than anything else. What about you, Olivia? What are your thoughts in this area? Well, one thing that really interests me is that some people just don't believe in it. They don't think it's a real thing. They don't they believe in Iq, but they just do not believe in Eq because they claim there's no, no scientific evidence behind it and it's a manmade construct but that, I mean, that doesn't sit particularly well with me, because what isn't a manmade constructs like we've labeled everything, everything in our lives, you know, we've given it a name and and kind of made up these theories. It doesn't mean they're and it's just a useful way to be able to understand ourselves. So in our line of work, I don't think we can deny how important it is to understand your own emotions and how they affect others, and also how important it is to be able to read other people's emotions and and manage help them manage their emotions. But obviously in other work environments, as I'm sure we have all experienced, emotions can be a very difficult thing to talk about openly and then that makes it very difficult to be yourself in the in the workplace, because you're trying to perhaps hide or change the way that you really feel and not let people know what's going on. So it's a really good point, isn't it? Because I'd work probably we show up a certain persona they want to see all within they want to see and we bury ourselves even more every day and it just doesn't help, doesn't it? Yeah, and work. You know, I think places...

...are getting better at dealing with people and how they are seen as people rather than just a resource. But at the end of the day, a lot of companies are just trying to get the job done, so they don't really care how people are emotionally reacting to things and how things are affecting them. So I get it, but you'd have a much happier workplace if things like emotional intelligence are considered, you know, on an everyday basis and as a very normal thing. That's happening. So now we're going to briefly touch on what happens when we experience an emotion. So yeah, so, as we mentioned, emotions are really, really important because it's they can influence the way you made decisions and your actions. So they influence you did, you your social connections with other people, if you're going to thrive in life or no, and the way you you're going to survive challenging situation. So what tends to happen? Is this a situation, and I'm just going to put a very simple example so everybody can understand. So I'm juggling multiple deadlines and I didn't sleep well last night. I go to work and there is a trigger event that one of my colleagues disagrees with me in something and it's quite hash and, you know, aggressive. So my emotional state now after that encounter will be anger and the sentiments and my physical state, when we get to that, we're going to leave with stress or our heart rate goes up, our body tenses and then you have a response. So in terms of the response, you have three types of response. You can be positive, where you go you pause before your the act, you take a few breaths and you reflect on why are you angry and try to present process this thoughts and see what actions will support you the best in that precise moment. So that will be very positive. Then be was one will be that you just avoid these people and walk away and just can be bothered to even interact with them. And the very negative one is to argue and belittle. Then that many times is what tends to happen. So that is how it works in terms of you know, and there is always a light gap between that trigger events and now our reaction and emotional intelligence has to play in that gap. You know, to make sure we understand our emotions and we decide what is best, what is the best course of action that will get a win win situation for yourself, but for all this involved in this situation in a way. And now we're going to move on to something that I've kind of just dropped on Carmen, which are scared. So there are there are lots of different tests you can take online to basically affess your level of emotion intelligence. So is it very poor, is it okay, or is it a you, someone who is does have a really high level of emotional intelligence? And then when you've done the test, you can decide kind of what what work you should do to improve it or help maintain it. So I found a test on mind tools, and mind tools is one of those sites where, I think, you can have like three articles a day for free without having to pay for anything, which is always nice. Really, they have a test on you know, how emotionally intelligent are you? So calm and if you're feeling brave, and remember the point of this podcast is to be, you know, very open and naked. Yeah, feeling very, very exposed.

I would like you to take you through this test now and I'm record it. I feel very suppose and they're being all my life saying I'm not very good in Iq. Probably am average, but I have such a high I eke you. So if this says the improves that I'm going to be in a bad place, it's going to be embarrassing. Go ahead, I'm ready. The good news is, no matter what your answer is, what if your score is at the end, you can improve it. I know right. So the answers to sorry, I've got such a cough today. The answers to the questions all the same options. So your answers are not at all, rarely, sometimes, often and very often. Okay, sorry, not at all, rarely, sometimes, often and very often. So I give is from one to five, or I give you what it is with words. Tell me with words so I don't get mixed up. Okay. So the first question is, or the first statement, sorry to answer, is I can recognize my emotions as I experienced them very often. I hope you're answering truthfully here. Hi, I lose my temper when I feel frustrated. See, it's a tricky one because I lose my temper a lot. But people did. Don't see it. So if you're answering for how you feel. Okay, often people have told me that I'm a good listener. Often, I was going to hoping you ain't going to say rarely. there. Yes, jog. Where was we team? varying. Often, but it's somebody who doesn't think so, so I can go with a very okay. I know how to calm myself down when I feel anxious or upset. Yes, very often I enjoy organizing groups. Very often I find it hard to focus on something over the long term. I found the hard you set. Yeah, I find it hard to focus on something over the long term. Rarely I find it difficult to move on when I feel frustrated or unhappy. Rarely and between patient. I know my strengths and weaknesses. Oh, yeah, very often I avoid conflict and negotiations. Sometimes I feel that I don't enjoy my work. Sometimes I ask people for feedback on what I do well and how I can improve. Often I set long term goals and review my progress regular often I find it difficult to read other people's emotions. Not at all. I struggle to build rapport with others. Not at all. I use active listening skills when people speak to me often, and that is... I'm going to click calculate my total, John. Do you want to know what it is? It is your score is sixty two. Yes, this website anywhere between fifty six and seventy five. Great. You are an emotionally intelligent person. So you are like that. You've been telling people you've got great Eq, you have great relationships and you probably find that people approach you for advice. That sounds right to me. Very however, as always, however, when when so many people admire your people skills, it's easy to lose sight of your own needs. Read our tips below to find out how you can continue to build your emotional intelligence. And there is very, very true. Any set is appoint those streamingly important. And Yeah, it's being a live journey, and I'm so much been and now after forty years. But for many of my limiting beliefs and my fears, you want to please orders, so you tend to focus on that and you totally forget the self love and self compassion, and that is really important, because until you really love yourself and accept yourself, you can't truly love anybody else. So it's a it's a really good point, really good point. Yeah, and I think people that are naturally sort of natural empaths is it is really easy to forget yourself in that that you're always trying to help other people and improve their lives, but actually, when was the last time you sat down and did your own self care? So yeah, I think that's that's a really good point. And their last sentence, last couple of sentences, are researchers have found that emotionally intelligent people often have great leadership potential. Realize this potential by seeking opportunities to improve further. So, as you can see, learning, that's is and in a ways to because in my experience in corporates you see many leaders being excellent in Ikea and all these things. But seriously, I was shocked the son of them wearing their positions because the e Q was so low. And I think for the future, if you don't have the like character traits, you just cannot be successful, because I don't think the future generations will tolerate certain kind of behaviors towards them as we did in the past. And I think one of the things is I was reading an article the other day about leadership is about serving others. So many people in my career they call themselves leaders, but none of us called them leaders. Yeah, leader is a person that all the people called them leaders, you know, and if you said yourself in your career to become a leader, you're not going to do very well because he has to come naturally, has to be organic and he has to be from the people. In a way, it's like a little bit like voting for a party to get into power. People has to vote, do the votes that you are an excellent meeting. If you know serving others and you don't have the empathy to understand other people's emotions and things like that, I don't think you can be successful in the future. Yeah, and I think I've certainly noticed that more and more companies are actually you know, the sort of psychometric test that they do. More and more companies are bringing in that kind of Equ element into things, particularly when putting people in leadership positions, as they are kind of slowly starting to recognize how important it is for a leader to be an emotionally intelligent person...

...and that it isn't a case of being the most traditionally successful man in the room. Is traditionally what it's been. It's now. There's a lot more to it than that. So I mean I hope you're right that you know, because it feels like all this is a very long time coming. Well, to be honest, as well, I can see. I mean I'm not from this country, so I never know how the system, education system, was before. I'm learning how it is now. I have a child and she's going to secondary now and I we had a meeting with the school and I had to go through a video about their ethos and their values and I was so happy to see that it was everything is based on you becoming a person with the strong character traits and then it comes to math and the English on top of that. I don't remember, to be honest. Any correct me if I'm wrong. Perhaps in this country was different, but when I was a kid we never talked about these things. It was maths, she was English, he was you know whatever. The curriculum was nothing to do with you as a person. In my school. No, secondary, not primary, now university. So in a way I was really happy this week to see the secondary school. They base everything on you need to be a good person, you know and understand yourself, care for yourself and care for others and care for the school and respect everything in your life. And I was really pleased, to be honest, really pleased to say, yeah, I think it's I mean I think that's school. We did have a one hour a week that was called curriculum enrichment. That I think was meant. It was a bit of a kind of a social impact. It was a bit of a mixture of social impact and there was also, I think, probably a degree of what was maybe thought of his self care back then. But actually I didn't go to many of those lessons because I did two foreign languages and the way that they fitted it into the timetable was to have one lesson before school and one lesson during that hour. So so I just learned another language instead of learning about, you know, how to be more emotionally intelligent or anything kind of you saw, because you didn't need it. As Olivia, you had a naturally, so you doesn't do sometimes. I do think it's pretty very lucky to just turn out all right sometimes when you realize how. But stop with missing for him from school. But also, I think now you do see more and more techniques like mindfulness and yeah, it and meditation and stuff like that being brought into being a normal part of, you know, a school day or something that they're doing at school. So I think there's definitely some real positive changes and it would be really great to see that, you know, becoming such a normal part of people's life for the rest of their lives as well. Yes, actually, because you will impact all their lives. I mean whatever we learn in English, so maths, you don't remember everything, but you will remember, you know, these character traits and all these things that you learn in the area for the rest of your life. So yeah, good point. So let's talk a little be more oliviable us. We always do to give the audience a little bit of some strategies to help them to improve our EQ. So I will start. And so there is always, always, always a gap between the stimulus and when we respond. So we feel the motion and with them we make a decision on the action we want to take. And I don't know if you listen to previous podcast, but remember ninety percent of our lives that then from our subconscious mind and we don't have a clue what is running you know, what is running the show is all these beliefs we have. So...'s really important that we have some strategies to avoid operating from that out too, pilots that will give us the wrong actions to take. So these are son of the life hacks that we have the way implementing our lives that equal help you to embrace change and to thrive in life. So the first one is too to notice. So we have to notice how we feel, how we behave and how we react. and the majority of us, we spend our lives rejecting the past, of being really scared of the future. So it's really, really important that we started learning how to be in the present moment, observing these emotions without judgment. Don't judge yourself because you feel angry, jealousy, resentful. That are normal human behaviors and emotions, but try to face your emotions with curiosity and have self compassion on yourself. So don't deny them, because it doesn't work. What you have to do is try to ask yourself what is the learning here, and by doing this question you can disrupt the pattern and just trying to create its meaning of child change. So like, for example, many times when we feel anger, anger is not the root. Cost is a symptom. It can mask feelings of shame, embarrassing embarrassment. So we just need to be in the present moment and observe. And what is the learning here? And number two, we would say, is to accept. You need to accept reality, and I recite this quite often, but you really do need to accept that whatever is in front of you is happening. There is no point wasting energy on fighting a losing battle. And the next thing we really need to accept is responsibility for our own actions. So if you feel hurt in response to something someone says or does and then you kind of lose it and lash out at them, that's your responsibility. Isn't your there's they didn't force you to lash out. They have actually no control over that. It's your reaction that is responsible for that. You're so sorry. Your feelings aren't another person's responsibility, and once you start accepting responsibility for how you feel and how you behave, that has a positive impact on all areas of your life. So, in terms of the thorough one is to respond. So we need to make sure a waste, that we stop our reaction to an event because he scamming from the subconscious mind and you adding out to pilot and you respond from the conscious mind. The thing is to understand is we are not our emotion. So we tend to say I'm angry, I'm sad. Now you know is the better words for it. It will be I notice some feeling angry. So by doing that you can start identifying the courses based on facts rather than interpretation. So you're limiting beliefs and you fears, creating the story you you EAGO wants to hear. So the whole thing about responding is about becoming more rational and make conscious decisions and may decisions that are aligned with your core values. So the question to ask yourself is that's this action fit with my values? And if...

...that is not the case, what else can I do to make my situation better that will be more in line with my values, because once you start making decisions aligned with your values, you will be in a better emotional place. And the next thing instant. Notice again, but notice what's going well. What are you grateful for? Creating a positive environment not an improve your quality of life, but it can really improve the quality of life around people around you as well. So just really notice what is going well and make small daily changes in your mindset and habits that will move you from, say, feeling overwhelm to being really excited about life instead. Emotional intelligence is a lifetime process. It's not something we develop and then it's done. I don't need to do that now I have it. It really is lifetime practice and you can just keep improving. But it's if you follow the steps that we've just kind of taken you through of really noticing things, being very mindful, using your your conscious decision to to how you respond rather than an unconscious reaction, considering your values and just having that empathy and self awareness and self responsibility, you will reap the benefits of emotional intelligence across your you know your life and all the people involved. HMM. And, to be honest, the overall message here, and taking into consideration everything we discussed today, is there emotional intelligence stremely important, skilled to reduce stress and saety mental health issues, as well as a key ingredient to happiness and peace of mind, because what we try to do with this emotional intellien is we will be healthier, happy and lasting relationships, not just with thought, there's as well with ourselves, and they're extremely important. Yeah, and I think that's a really good kind of note to end on, is that it is so key to those healthy, happy relationships and whether that's relationship with yourself and others, and I just don't think you can deny that it exists. You know, exists as much as as IQ exists. Just exists in a different a different way. No one is completely emotionless like we all. We all have emotions, we all react to things and we all do it in a different way and having more understanding of that and why we do it can really help us grow and understand what's going on for us and others. And is, to be honest, is really big because if you think about all these top people in you know, running countries and taking the countries into wars and things like that, imagine for a second if these people had more emotional intelligence and he they had the empathy to put themselves in the other in the other country shoes and try to understand so it will minimize a lot of the big conflicts we have. And so they's way, I think, and I hope to seeing more and more in the schools for future generations, because I think it will have a huge impact in society. If people becomes higher emotional and intelligence. Yeah, and I think with conversations becoming more and more open about anything kind of emotional or mental health related, that we will see that that more and more and that's...

...what we, you know, we all need to keep pushing for to the more we talk about it, the more open we all are, the easier is for other people to get on board and understand us as well. Yeah, because with the mental health issues we all have, then you can hide it yourself and you can joe that you never did, but we all have is depends on the level really know if we had it or not or we have an it or not. So we all have mental health issues and parts of the problem is there is a steem attached to it. So nobody talks about motions, nobody talks about these kind of things. And the moment society feels like we can all talk about this area, things are going to start improving because people don't feel so bad, because they don't feel the stigma attached to it because you're feeling a little bit downward, depress or things like that. So it's a long journey, but I think we're making huge differences many now in the lockdown. A lot of people talks about mental health companies really king in helping the employees in the area. So I think more improvements to come are needed, but it is we got. We walking in the right path, I think. Yeah, overall. Yeah. So now it's time for me to say thank you all for listening again and to please join us again next week when we'll have a different topic that we haven't quite decided on yet. And I also want to say thank you to Carmen for letting me spring that Eq test on her. So I'm sure very happy to have got such a high school. And that wasn't fix she really did get that school. She did ask me to fix it, though. I'll be honest, I did. I did have the honest and I refuse it. Really embarrassed. If I were twenty and all my life saying I'm have hi Q, that will be unbearably bad, embarrassed and then go to anger. You see no good, no good. But as we've learned, it wouldn't have mattered what your school was. There's always, always stuff you can do to improve your emotional intelligen a true. So please do connect with us at Instagram at Naked Truth pod twitter at naked truth underscore pod and our facebook page naked truth, with Carmen and Olivia, and feel free to email us, naked truth pod at gmailcom, share your story or, if you want to be interviewed or collaborate with us, will be happy to talk to you. So tell your friends, spread the word, stay honest, stay you and stay naked. See, bye, bye,.

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