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Episode 6 · 2 years ago
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Episode 6 · 2 years ago
Episode 6: Fear
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Hello everybody, welcome to this Earth episode of naked truth with Carmen and Olivia. I hope you're well. How are you? Olivia? Okay, I've not been very well, but I've had a covid test and it's not that, so that's good. And actually feeling a lot better today. Rain, yes, a good start. Yeah, I just been quite kind of busy and films. Haven't really been the best kind of week since we last saw each other, but I am now. I'm feeling better and I've spoken to you this morning. I'm feeling a lot more positive than I was doing. How have you been? And as well the weather, in a way, the weather, it's been good. If you were feeling a little bit unwell because pres some being as as hot. For me, I've been thinking about holidays this week and I'm struggling to accept that I have to be here in London the summer. I was checking flights to go to see my family spring and I'm still not clear in my head if he's the right thing to do or not to see my eight year old mother and perhaps bringing something to a tiny little village in north Spain. So not sure, but there is a resistance since I me. So I've been working on my resistance a lot and I have to accept it, but I'm not there yet. What about holiday in this country? For me, to be honest, holiday, because some know from here, and on my family's there for me to recharge my batteries. I need to seem the loved ones, my parents and my brothers and sisters, my nieces, and it's good for my child as well. So, yeah, they said point I we can go somewhere here, but for me, an emotional holy deal is in summer time where you go to the family home and all your brothers and their and sisters and you have and so it's not going to be the same. But yeah, it will take me a few days more and I will get there. Isn't it funny like that, that you're desperate for holiday to go and see family and other people are be like I couldn't think anything worse than going on holidays. I know, right, basic. Yeah, it's a situation, isn't I I'm away from my family all year round. I only meet them fifteen days in Ogust just to make sure we are Eids, to make sure everybody is there at the same time. So for me, I'm not never with them, so I don't have this thing about like, Oh my God, my family knows. So I'm always very keen to make them and see. Yeah, but hey, I have to admit I've been frantically googling holidays and stuff that mainly in this country. I have been time looking ahead for my year to go abroad, but I just I'm just not booking anything into last minute because you just don't know what's going to happen. Yeah, of course, but I am kind of like, should we just go somewhere else within this country just to look at, you know, a different for walls for a little while? Yeah, that will help emotional one. Yeah, I just have a different view because normally I'm such a home person. I'll be like, even if we just had a week off and we're just at home, that would be nice just, you know, just chill out at home for a week. But having US having both been at home since March, it's like just like go sit in a different house for a bit, I think, Different Sofa, different. Yeah. Yeah, for me is one of the feel of my mother cutting something. If I go looking wealthy, is quite good subjects, because this week we'll will be discussing fear. Yeah, so Olivia, why we are so interested in fear? Tell us. Wow, before I am actually answer that question, I feel like I should admit something that I told Carmen last week to do with fear. That was just quite amusing. After we'd had a discussion about what our topic was going to be this week and we decided on fear and I booked in the zoom call and I put the you know, episode six fear in the meeting title, it suddenly remembered that one of my kind of biggest phobias and very strange, irrational theory as I have is of the number six. So it's very off. Last six episode is on fear. So yeah, that's so. It was amusing. But I was also like, Oh, well, what's going to go wrong, because obviously I hate the number six, so this is going to be terrible. So it's just for me and all those kind of negative thoughts where the sick number six is something bad and you know, you and I've had a discussion about it. I really, you know, don't know what's happened with the number six, but I just it's just something that scares me, but I like it. But it's answer your question. Fears are, you know, things that scare us. So it's human nature to avoid things that...
...scare us. But it's not always rational, like being scared of the number six and trying to avoid it. But sometimes we have those strange things and if we pick something's going to be painful or hurt us in some way, why would we want to do it? It seems quite sensible that if something scares us, we do our very best to avoid it. But the problem is we can become a hostage to that fear. So, whether it's a fear of speaking in public or stepping on cracks, whatever that fear is, it stops us doing things, stops US progressing, and then it stops our growth in development. And also, you probably can't hide from it forever. That fear is going to show up somewhere, or the thing you are scared of will show up somewhere when you least it spective and then how do you deal with it, because you're dealing with it kind of unexpectedly. But we can overcome face offs, and that doesn't mean thinking well, I'm scared of heights and I'm scared of falling, so what a great way to cure my fear is just to jump off this building and see what happens, because you know, these are often there for a reason. There's some kind of primal reason that we are scared of something and it's, you know, it's a survival mechanism. is to keep faith, but it's when it's really taking over our lives and stopping us doing things that it's an issue. I'm instead we should be thinking what's a rational and safe way of facing that thing? What what is this be giving me and what is it stopped on me from doing? Do I need to overcome it and how can I do that in a rational and safe way? So if you're scared of falling, maybe it's doing some AP sailing with all the right equipment and the right guide there to help you, and those all about the health and safety side, or standing on a really tall building that's safe, that has railings or has windows that you're not going to just fall off the edge. And if there's controlling our lives, it's really important to recognize that and overcome it so that we can achieve what we want to do in life, to be happy and fulfilled. So there is some very clever man called Dr Carl in Bract who some identified five key fears that with humans have. So we're going to take you through them. Now I kind of discuss our own experiences with those specific areas of these. So I come. Would you like to get as started? So yeah, the first one is fear of extinction. It's a fear of season to assist. So it's more just a fear of death or how we're going to die. Is just simply we no longer be. It's a necessension anxiety and it's the panicky feeling we get if we look, as you mentioned, over the age of a tall building or when we think too deeply about a deadly disease. So, son of the sample sical sign of the triggers of this fear could be a dark flying highs or very fatal and terminal diseases. So in terms of for me with this, the way I believe in death is that we are all energy and we win the when we die we stop being in a human body where we will be energy. So from that respect respect I don't I'm not scared of dying. My fears more how I'M gonna die. HMM. And the reason being is, like I have quite a lot of experiences in my family, in my life where people had very painful death. So I know it does exist, that process where it is painful and I know for many people it was like they die in their sleep. But obviously your mind focus has a negative bias, so I focus on so for me in this area, my biggest fear is hung on to die and to the point that if somebody said to me, okay, you can die five years earlier and it's going to be painless, or I give you another five for ten years, but you're going to die in extreme pain, I killed you know, I will sign for the earlier death. So that is how big my feace because you saw people suffering and it was some unpleasant so yeah, from my respect, is the how, rather than stopping to be a human in a way, you, Olivia, you minds. I supposed to complete opposite of that. Mine is absolutely the fear of just of it just ending that we just don't exist anymore. Like what is that? That to me is such a big question that my brain cannot possibly handle and it just makes me feel like panicky if I think about it, and it really is...
...that kind of panicky feeling. You get when you look over its all building. It is that kind of feeling I get when I think what happens at the end, because we know one thing is assured in life and that is that we're going to die. Yeah, but we have no idea. But the biggest adventure is we have no idea what that is and what that needs to but for me that is just terrifying and it's very odd because the fear of not existing at all is terrifying and I can't comprehend that. You just go and that's gone and I just don't understand it. But then equally, if there is like an afterlife and it lasts forever, that is also terrified. Basically, the head thing is just it is so scary I should never think about it. It could be because you think if there is anything after it's going to be like the one here. No, I just I just the concept of never ending of infinity. It's like it's too big. I just can't write it. mean, it's infinity. Of course it's too big. I can't. It's like my brain just goes no, Um, I'm just going to make you feel panicky and I can't give any answers and and you know that even think about the universe too much makes me think about that as in. And when I say the universe, I mean space rather than that yeah, kind of spiritual universe. I don't know why I just did quotation marks on the podcast when I could see then. Yeah, you know what I mean, but yeah, I do. I really identify with that strange kind of like icky feeling of or we just don't know what it is and I can't imagine not being and it's funny that they say triggers can be things like flying, because I've noticed, and I think this is quite common, that in you know, I love going on holiday, so of course I have to fly and I think, yeah, I enjoy flying, it's fine, but then a few days before the fly I'll start getting a bit like, what if it crashes, what if this happens, and I'll start catalizing all these terrible things are going to happen. But the moment I get on the plane and it takes off, it all goes because I have zero control over it and I'm very calm. I'm like, whatever happens happens, like I can't I can't do anything about it. So hopefully, when that moment comes to me, that's what the feeling will be, that I just go, Oh, well, nothing I can do. I'm not in control of this situation. I think we need to work on each other. We need to put or our fears. But to this is no matter. What is going to happen. So Si has for years. When you think about fear and you really go deeper and you analyze it, to go like, there is no way this is going to happen in my life, this is a story I'm creating in my head. The Bad News Olivia. These hundred percent sure it will happen in our lives. So it's a lot of protein to do a girl. I like the way you break it to me gently, and then you are going to die that you are me too. You never know, we'll be doing podcast later on. Oh, I know, yeah, this. Maybe podcast just are the afterlife. Maybe, I don't knows. So, yeah, what would be the second one? So Dr All breck says, the second one. It's got lovely title. This one mutilation or bodily invasion. So it's the fear of losing part of our body, having our bodies boundaries invaded, or of losing a natural function. So the any fear where we feel physically unsafe or under attack. So he says, examples would be things like where you're scared of creepy crawlies, spiders or bugs or whatever, or snakes or animals, any kind of thing like that that you you view to be harmful. So if you have a real fear and anxiety around those, a phobia, if you will. But also it's anxiety around crowds, needles, germs, having operations, going to the dentist. It's those things where you do feel that I'm physically under attack. I'm you know, I'm going to have to respond to this in some way. So for me, I don't particularly have phobias around like spiders or animals and stuff now, other than what I would deem to be a kind of healthy respect for them, as in, I don't really like you, but I'm not like terrified of you, like I can pick up a spider and put it outside, things like that, but I'm not like all love us a...
...spider, I'm going to play with it. So and then other kind of creepy crawlies or disgusting things. I hate cockroaches and I hate slugs, but that's just as I just think they're disgusting. It's not that I'm scared of them, just like who? They just make me feel good. But so for me it's more around that personal boundaries. I really hate people being too close. I don't in certain situations. I really hate being around big crowds. It can make me feel very, very unsafe. So for me it's more stuff like that. Actually, this is one area where, for me, the COVID Pandin it pandemic is actually been quite good, because staying furtherther away, not not kind of entering my space. And actually I don't like it when people touch you and invited. I don't you know it really it does. It genuinely brings up a fear kind of feeling in me if someone was to touch me and they weren't and I wasn't expecting it, like I s you want to straggle. Living with a Latinos, we are so touching, hugging and more, and I struggle in like London, being on the underground. I'm like, why are you touching me? Like just just don't touch me, just stay like a foot away from me, don't come any clearer. Yeah, they've been situations where people have cross personal boundaries and I've had a real kind of like freak out over it, like I've I've gone to not sort of to their face at the time, but I've known inside like I'm having quite an abnormal reaction to what they're doing to me. You know, I should be able to handle this situation. So for me it's very much that side of things rather than the traditional phobias that you think of. How about yourself? So for me I have too big ones. One is needles. For whatever reason, any needle coming into my body, I freak out seriously. Forty seven I got to do a blood test and I behaving like a to your kid. My Body tenses and they do everything you should have been doing. They turned. You don't tens, don't turns. Yeah, I think takes over and these these and then when they do, it is so quick and so painless. But my story in my head just like this is going to be horrible, this is going to be painful day and I know it's not painful. So it's stupid story, but it's just I found it awful. So I feel and sometimes I really would love to do blood, give blood, but I just can't, and the second one is I have this irrational fear towards rats and mice, and it could be a tiniest little mice. MMM. I have more fear to them than a snake. HMM. It's really crazy and that comes from when I was very little. I was in the kitchen and my brother's called me out, and I still remember it was a beautiful summer's Day and my mother was the front of the House watching my brothers and sisters playing and see they called me out and my mother said don't go. If I was you, I wouldn't go out and obviously other point I was not getting on with her, so I will do always the opposite. So I went out. So my three brothers one grab one arm, the other one the other arm and the third one had a nest of I don't know if there were rats or mice, just born M Hare, and they put it in front of my face and probably was for a few seconds, it felt like an hour. It just felt like I was screaming. I was lying, everybody was laughing and since then I killed you know, it is so irrational. I remember I came from a business trip from France few years ago and it was very cold so I stopped in the Hammersmith Underground Station and I decided to go into the waiting room because it was really, really cold, and I sat down myself at the end of the room and it was many people sitting down and I was with my newspaper, reading the newspaper, and suddenly I could hear few people saying, Oh, it's so cute, look so cute. So typical thing when you hear something like else, when somebody coming, you lift your eye a little bit and then you go back to your reading. HMM. So the moment I say, I leave my eyes. I saw in my head probably was only one mice. In my head there were. I saw three of them coming directly towards me. Directly. Probably wasn't the truth. Probably was one and it was not coming towards me. I left my newspaper, started jumping on top of people in the seats, scream my head off, left the waiting room and going like this is disgusting, I don't believe this is not cute. This is and people were looking at me thinking going on with...
...this girl, but it is. This is so irrational. I feel like I'M gonna die. You know, I can breathe. It's really rational and I know the guilty ones and there's nothing I can do and I don't know. The funny part is I'm aware of it. I know where it's coming from. I need to work on how can I release this fear? Think he might need some exposure therapy. You might go to the jungles. Yeah, Lang on and get a box full of rats. Kind of she's still the underground. Oh, come on, they like on the platform and then you see them get on the train and wait the train. But the funny part is I don't mind to watch cartoons with ICE. I can't watch films with rats and mice. I can't watch them in reality, but cartoons are kind of okay. And, to be honest, these phobia is no impact in my life and probably that is why I haven't worked yet. I can all the fears. I would did a lot of work and I don't have them as much because, to be honest, when I live I don't see them life and they don't stop me from going ahead and pick opportunities and do whatever I want in life. So, yeah, I never work in in this type of fear. But yeah, it's very rational, very like rational so going to fee. A number three. Loss of autonomy is the fear of being restricted, confined, trapped and suffocated. When it's a physical one is called Claustrophobia, but our fear of this is mother restricted, unable to take care of ourselves or our kids, can also apply to these kind of situations in our lives and our relationships. The examples of the trigger see could be a fear of commitment, poverty, debilitating illness, aging any addition, situations where we feel helpless and powerless. For example, at work, if you boss tells you to do something and you don't want to do and you can't refuse because you know if you refuse you can lose your job, this makes you feel trapped and happiness and you know you feel resentful and angry. The other one is perhaps, for example, with parents, you know, is sometimes when you bring this baby home, there's this fear like can I do it? On my God, I have other life in my hands and I have to, you know, provide and I have to help them, and you feel very all warm and there's something you can give up or you can make any other decisions. So so, for that is huge for me is the taking care of my family is and no be able to is a huge fear. There's a lot of Guiller attached to you know, I'm not a good mother, I'm not a good partner now, but I remember when I was younger, to be honest, I always went through my fears. I was so brave and the moment I had a child, this fear is really strong on me that I can't provide for my child, and is a thing is universal many parents. They have. This is a huge, biggest responsibility you're going to have in your life and is one that you want. But yeah, this is the biggest one in this area for me. What about a Yell Olivia? Yes, and mine, I think, is my biggest one in this area. I think would be Claustrophobia, and it's not. I don't think I get it in all situations and I think the first time I really experienced it was when I was in a lift and it got stuck and as soon as it got it stopped and got stuck, I started panicking. I thought I couldn't breathe, I thought we were going to die. I've got really out of the top and I was in a place at the time and luckily it's just me and one of the police officer in the lift in the hospital when it happened and I was probably like taking my stab vessed off because I was convinced it was stopped me from breathing, but when the lift was moving I was so as fine. It was just there the moment it stopped and I have noticed that since then. I will they're probably have been times where I've not done things because I'm like, oh well, I'm claustrophobics, I can't do that fun thing that people are doing, I won't like it. or Or, although I've always done it, if I've had like a scan, I need to get a hospital, like an MRI scan, like that's quite a you know, a long scan and you are in a tube kind of squished in whilst it's being done and you could have my headphones on and you can't. If they if they're give you like a mirror to look out it, can you know you're literally just looking at a white kind of piece of plastic right in front of your face and that I really hate having those. They make me feel really claustrophobic, but I do...
...have them, so it doesn't stop me doing the things that are really good for me, like you need to go and have this scan to check you're okay, but I it does kind of make that whole process more difficult than it need to be that I'm kind of having to work through those kind of demons in my head before I can get into the the scanner. But it would be nice if if I didn't have that at all so that I could if there was something fun, I don't feel like, well, I don't want to do that thing because it involves been in a small area and I might set of Claustrophobic, because that's the thing. It's always that I might. It's not even that I definitely will, it's that or if I have that feeling, it's so embarrassing because I start panicking and crying and and thinking I'm going to die. In obviously I'm not going to die from being in a trap to the well, not unless you're there for a long time in a hospital. You're probably going to be on trapped within within the hour, not going to be left there for weeks. So yeah, I think it's it is that real kind of physical feeling of being trapped and actually it puts me off getting things like a weighted blanket, which I meant to be really good for anxiety. that the thought of having being in bed and being so weighed down makes me think like that's can't possibly be a pleasant experience. So let's move on to number for separation, abandonment or rejection. So this fear of abandonment. As humans, we have a strong need to belong and from an evolutionary perspective, if you were kicked out of the tribe, you didn't have that tried to look after you anymore and you probably would die. So you really couldn't survive in history if you weren't part the team and part of the tribe. and Dr Albret refers to a loss of connectedness, of becoming a nonperson. So if you're not wanted or respected or valued by anyone else, you're it literally threatens your wellbeing survival. So you're just not a person anymore because you haven't got that connection to anybody else. And I think you know I think this is such a big one. Lot of people do suffer with this fear of abandonment, particularly if they've been through something where they felt abandoned. So if they felt abandoned by parents or a relationship or whatever it's. It kind of reinforces that feeling in you. So examples of some triggers could be when a relationship ends, whether that's friendship or divorce or death. And when a relationship ends, it's quite common that we don't just lose that one connection with that one person, there will be an extended group of friends that we lose contact with. So it's you know, that kind of multiplies. That feeling and this type of fear can be triggered when a relationship deepens and when you have that sense of vulnerability and being kind of that intimate with someone that you then become kind of catastrophizing like well, what, what about when this ends? What about when they leave me? I'm I'm going to be left alone, are not going to be able to do anything, I won't be able to survive without them. And also an argument or disagreement with someone important to us can bring up this feeling of rejection. So if you ever suffered like the silent treatment, that can actually be worse than being yelled at because you feel invisible, that you don't matter to anybody, and in this type of thing can be triggered subconsciously as well, by kind of separation or any kind of you know, just not being around people as much as you used to be. So in me that kind of although this isn't particularly something that came up for me personally, clients that I've spoken to have kind of struggled with this. Would lockdown. They felt very isolated and they've really lost that sense of connection with people, particularly if they're not used to connecting with people through like phone calls or zoom or things like that. That's something new to them. They're not quite getting the same out of it as they are from very personal interactions of people. But if I think about an example with with me to sort of main example that comes up as when I was at university between my second and third year, or ending ending my second year going to my third year, I kind of fell out with the friends that I was living with, and I didn't even really fall out, we just really completely drifted apart. We stopped talking, everything very awkward and it made me feel very kind of a spend, like a non person, like I didn't exist. And in dealing with that, what did I do to not...
...have those feeling or attempt to not have those feelings. Well, I love the way with them. I'll pretend to not be in the house when really I am. I'm just in my room. Oh, I won't, I'll be out all day so I don't have to see them. But that makes it even worse because you've got even less of a connection. You're not facing up to hang on, should we just have a conversation? Like something's not working here. Feels a bit awkward. I'm not, I'm not sure. You know, I wasn't having those conversations. So that was something I actually experience. But also alongside that there was the fear of I don't want to deal with this, I already feel like listen, it's going to get worse and worse. So I avoided them and I did make it worse and worse. I wouldn't particularly recommend doing that. What about you? What's coming up you? It to me was more than the fear of rejection. I come from a big, familiar I'm the eldest of eight siblings and my mother was busy at work as well. So you know, the more babies, the less time she had for each people. Yeah, and I felt invisible, no visible in that family. After a few kids more after me. So, yeah, the fear of your rejection and then when you look back is understandable, but when you're a kid it's not hmm, and you don't feel like they see you, and I is very painful and I think it is something that he affected me all my life, to be honest. This one. So the fifth one, humiliation, shame or worthlessness. Wow, big one. Ego, death, fear, they call it. So we all need to feel lovable, worthy of love and of value in the wall in order to have healthy relationships. Know what we thought, not just with others but with ourselves. And shame can be excruciating feeling something. Many of us will go great lengths to avoid it. But when we are ashamed or humilated, it can threaten or destroy our belief that we are worthy of anything in life. So, as you mentioned before, we are nobody. One of the the number one, I think, free within these categories, public speaking. I remember the first time I had to do a presentation sixty people in my company. For two months I couldn't sleep. I mean it was more scared than dying at that point, and then I did and I really enjoy and I survived. So yeah, this is one of the and the triggers for this one is a failure, criticism, bullying, victimization, making mistakes and, as mentioned, the public is bea speaking is is huge in this one and it's a very easy, if feeling of shame or water, leanness, worth I can't even pronounce this world work. What lesteners are often triggered by an expectation of judgment and criticism from others. And, to be honest or leave it Tis is ourselves. How we treat ourselves after we fail and we didn't do as well as we expect it, and sometimes when we are victims as well. So imagine in a situations of bullying, lunder or rape, we left feeling a shame and worthless, that we are not worthy of love, for being valued by by others. So in my case, in this area, for probably, is I'm know enough, so I'm not clever enough, I'm not tall enough, I'm not saying enough, you name it is. So many know enough. You can write a book and if you have these, you don't take opportunities in life because you could see a promotions that are I'm not clever enough and looking back, to be honest, as many of my promotions, few of them. If I really honest, it was because all this belief in me and they push me to apply for it. Yeah, and that is you know, you give others are controlling your life. It's crazy. Yeah, you should be the one saying no, I can go for it. I remember once I was planning to leave and my friend said, Oh, there's this job in this to t team. I said, Maria, I never done a strategy and said, but you're very good in many areas, really resourceful, your d extremely well, you little, you learn really fast. So what is the problem? I said, by never done it, and she kept saying so, go knock this these directors door and talk to him. HMM, I don't want you to go, and I said why now? And I did and I got the job. MMM. So, you know, it's huge. It can stop you from so many things in life and can you stop you from achieve in the very important things that you want in life and overall, you happiness really so, yeah, what about your live? You? Yeah, I think...
...very similar to you. It really brings up for me kind of work situations where you really lack that selfbelief and you don't treat yourself particularly well. You know, if I was always very good, if somebody else made a mistake, I was like, it's a learning opportunity and, you know, don't worry about it. That how do we stop it not? How do we stop it from happening again? What processes can we change? But I treat myself completely differently. It would be like what an idiot. I treat myself so bad for having made a mistake and, you know, spent a lot of time going above and beyond in an attempt to not experience the feelings of worthlessness and shame and thinking well, if I, if I just try really hard, then everything will be right. But it's exhausting, you know, just, yeah, just having those feelings and constantly trying to conquer them all the time. And I think that's what we've both said is just so common for people in the workpace in particular. Yeah, so now list, let's give the audience a little strategy. Had to deal with it. So I will take you this little for your steps of Yes, a few points of the strategy and we will put an example so it's easier to understand. So the first use of wareness. You have to do a list of your fear so let's put one fear. Olivia, you want to work on. So I'm going to say my kind of newest fear I have at the moment is going to the shops with, you know, the covid pandemic because of their kind of loosening the restrictions. So I'm too scared to kind of go to the supermarket at the moment. But the fear underneath that is towards that I'm going to catch covid or even worse than that, I'm going to catch it and pass it on to somebody else. He's going to get really ill. Okay, so you're very aware what it is. Use the fear that you cut to yourself and the worst thing is you pass it to your parents for yeah, good. Yeah. So the second set step is take an action to reduce the likelihood of each of the fears you have becoming your reality. So in your case, what are the actions you can take right now for you not to get the covet? Yeah, so a really unhelpful one is the one that I'm doing at the moment, which is to not go to the shop and just to do online shopping instead. But then inevitably they don't have anything or you need to go to a different shop. So that one's not helpful. But in terms of more empowering, empowering that word, actions to reduce it, I think it's being aware, sorry aware, of how to keep yourself as healthy as you can at the moment. So make sure your immune systems good, eating well, sleeping well, all those things that we know reduce your chances of getting ill or increase your chances of being able to recover more quickly. So it's kind of sensible, rational steps like that. And then there's also being aware, like if it does happen and I do catch Covid, what's what's the process then, like what do I need to do? I need to inform other people have been around, I need to make sure I'm following the medical advice and even before that, if I'm getting symptoms, I need to go and go and be tested. So this week one of my symptoms, or two of my symptoms work covid symptoms. I went and got tested and I have the results in less than twenty four hours that it's not covid. So's it's being kind of aware of the things you can do that aren't stopping you from doing other things. So it's being very rational about it and taking me, the emotion out of it, I think is there. So they say those the actions to reduce the impact in your life if you get it. But what out of the actions you can do right now for you not to get it, for me not to get it? It's, you know, wearing it and make sure you're following all the guidance, so wearing the mask, washing your hands, wearing gloves if necessary, and it's trying to stay away from people, you know when you are out and about. Just keep in the distance, which isn't an issue for me because I don't like touching it any right. And you know, and I think just just trying to keep yourself as healthy as possible, because I haven't got it. But what I can do at the moment is it right, speek right, exercise right, just try and keep healthy. So we did three steps. The one is become aware of your fear, the second one was action to reduce the likelihood of that fear becoming your reality and the third one is the action to reduce the impact of your life if he becomes your reality. And important thing here is to understand when you write these...
...sections they have to be empowering, because I saw Olivia said it's okay in the shop in terms to be isolated at home. Babe, your decision is to never go out full the step stop. There's no okay. So when we write the actions down, they have to be empowering, making you situation much better. The fourth one is what are the benefits of taking action or living if you do all these things? Well, the benefit of taking actions that I can just go about my normal life. In the quotation marks new normal. They there going. You know, I can go to the shops, I can go oh, I need buttermilk in the moment, so I'm going to pot steps and get the buttermilk. So I can, just as much as we all can, go about our normal lives at the moment. That's what I can do. I can do it in a safe way, get stuff done and, you know, not be controlled by this fear. And if what will be the cost of inaction? There's the fifth, the step. If you're done do any of these sections, what will be the cost in your life? Well, the cost is that it's it's quite debilitating that you've right. Oh, I can't go there because of I can't do x because of why, you know, it's letting it control me, and I think there's a real risk if I let this control me and I just go while not going shops anymore, then where else is that going to suddenly pop up? Well, actually, I'm not going to see people anymore. Well, actually, I'm not going to do any exercise anymore. You know, I'm literally just going to stay in my house because that's the the safest possible thing, when actually that's going to be really bad in terms of mental health. It's, you know, getting the balance of being the safe as you can be but also been able to live your life and be healthy in in terms of mental health and emotional health. So if I don't do anything, you know, I won't be able to go to the shops, I won't get the things that I need that I'm unable to get on online shopping. I won't be able to just, you know, pop out and get those things you just run out of. It will always have to be a huge shop to be big enough for them to deliver it, and there's a real risk of that I stopped doing anything or going anywhere and seeing people, because it will just grow and grow. That fear of all, I'm going to catch covid and I'm going to give it to somebody else. So basically, the fear is going to round your life and it's going to become big and bigger wing if you take the action, if he becomes a small, longer, smaller to the point the sometimes he disappears. Yeah, so these five steps, I think it will work for the majority of our fears, and son of them, like my fear to rat, it's more rational. Probably I need to seek a professional help. Yeah, need to go deeper into another thing. You can do it yourself. I try anything, working deeper into the Rood coast of the of the fear. So, Olivia, can you tell me an example where you you really face your fear and he has resorted saying positive? Yeah, yeah, I've had so, so many that it's actually quite difficult to think of an example, because I just know, particularly in the last year, maybe a bit longer, I've made a real concerted effort to do things that scare me because I realize that I really didn't know who I was or what I liked in life. I'd kind of given myself some rooms of you do like this. You don't like that. And actually I didn't really know if it was true, because some of those things were just me going you're an introvert, you won't like that, you're kind of person. You were like that and you know, that was a very safe way of being. I didn't have to face anything. Is because all, you don't like that, so just don't do it. So I've made a real conscious effort to just start saying yes to things and just giving them a go with a view to just experiencing more in life and never regretting it. But and if you try it and you don't like it, that's fine enough. To do it again, but at least try and at least give it a go. So one thing that I've always thought about myself a year and years and years, was I'm an introvert. I hate the center of attention. I like kind of just blending into the shadows and people being aware of me and that I'm doing a good job, but not calling me out and making me an example is like, oh, you're so great at this. Yeah, I didn't like that lime light. That's what I thought. And then last year in November, when I went to see my favorite murder live at the Hammersmith Apollo. They are the section at the end where you can give a they get someone on stage to tell their hometown crime of story, so either something it's personal to them more, or the place that they grew up. And, like I said, I've always hated, or...
...thought I hated, incentive attention. Why would I ever want to do anything like that? And I thought no, when George says, does anyone have a hometown as they aren't, come on stage and tell us their story, just put your hand up, because they're probably not going to pick you. I put my hands at she did pick me and I went on stage in front of three and a half thousand people, I told my hometown murder story and it was the best experience of my life. I'm still chasing that kind of give friend feelings now because it was so exciting and so different and it's such an extreme way of getting into public, speaking of going I've never stood in front of anyone other than, like, you know, a team or a department and talk through things that I I am kind of owning. So I've got owned shipp of so I will be able to talk about if this is, you know, like like doing improvised speech in front of people and people were laughing at the bits that are meant to be funny. They were like, you know, exclaiming at the bits that were sad, like oh no, you know, cheering it for when there was some good news at the end, and you know, I really have the audience engaged and I was that Wi never ever thought I could do anything like that because, oh, I you know, I just don't like all the thought of people looking at me a lawful that just feels too difficult and it's like no, it's the best thing ever. So I think that's probably my most extreme kind of example of going I'm scared of public speaking, I'm going to stand in front of three and a half thousand people and to podcast host that I like idolize, tell a coherent story and get great feedback from it as well. And if I hadn't done that, I wouldn't be doing this podcast, I wouldn't be a toastmasters. I'm now the vice president of education all toast Master's Club. You know, there's all these things that have come from me just taking that step and going I'm not gonna be afraid of this thing or I'm just going to do it. What about? What about? You wonder? What an amazing story. So for me, I was before I arrived in England. I made a decision to come here and to learn English another time. Not many jobs in northern Spain. I had a job, a good one, and everybody was telling me I was totally crazy and I couldn't speak the language. So what the heck are you going to do? So I was supposed to meet my godmother's got some and in England, in Heathrow, and and I was so scared, seriously. I took that plane and I had this big sunglasses and I remember was this older couple next to me, sitting down in the airplane, a lady next to me and then the husband, and I couldnot stop crying and I was trying to cry it cry really quietly, so the lady will not realize about of course woman will realize these things. And I was so scared, seriously, I never been so scared in my life. Because what happened if the guy was something in them? Pick me up, I can't talk to people. What I'm going to do? I'm going to sleep in the street. So so this thinking. So anyway, this old lady felt so sorry for me. She grabbed my hand and it's quite emotional, to be honest, to this day, and she took care of me and angry with me. She made sure that the guy was there and then the experience was amazing and learning English and it was amazing. So for me, I just many times when I go through the fear is so painful, it takes me to tears. MMM. And what happens to me? I keep walking through the tears, with the tears and everything with it, and I keep going on and going on until I come out to that the end of my comfortable zone, and there is magic. It's an amazing here. So if I thought, Oh, I'm crying, poor me, I'm gonna stop, I will never do it. So what you have to do? Of course you're gonna cry, of course you can have butterfly in your stomach, you can think all sorts. Walk through that tears, walk through the that pain, and it will be magic at the end. But you have to walk through it. MMM, Morris, the fear is at its highest level just before the breakthrough. MMM. So, if you know, they it's not terrible anymore. Just keep going a tiny bit more and then it will be that magic. So, yeah, that was my my experience to come to you lovely country or living and now you can't speak Spanish anymore because she I kind because, funny more, after twenty five years I will never be hand of person English because I have a strong accident. But yeah, it's quite it's quite interesting, isn't it? Yeah, so they is amazing that you can just come to another country in and just immerse yourself in that and learn the language rather than yeah, it's been something I've been taught since day one because I love it a lot, to be honest.
I love English and I love the people that were really welcome me. I was felt very welcome in this country until now with the breasted, but it's a feel for another day, Olivia. Yeah, so summarize that this chapter fear. Yeah, yeah, so, in summary of kind of what we've gone over today, I mean number one, I'd like to say it's completely normal for having fears. As we just went through all those different fears, Carmen and I had examples for all of them, and they're not our only examples. Like its more than that. You are completely normal and fears. Its universal to have bears. They're trying to keep US protected. It is a primal thing. They are trying to keep the thing, but if they're limiting what we can achieve and us being happy, then it's really important that we take steps to to overcome them. Fear is our daily companion. We all have it, but once we become aware of them and how they impact our lives, we can get through them. I want you do. It is like magic. It feels amazing when you get out your comfort zone and you've grown and overcome that fear and you can also then start looking back. Oh well, I've done that, so what's the next thing I can do? You know, you can really start to overcome all sorts of different fears. But you know, the biggest thing is it's normal. But just if things are limiting you, they are stopping you from doing things, then why not just work through them and have a much happier life and and fee all that excitement of wow, I did it, I can't get it, I can queered that far and you feel proud on you. Yeah, yeah, so, yeah, to end up these Sur podcast thank you so much for listening and please join us again next week. We still didn't say what we're going to talk about, but I'm sure it's going to be interesting. But it's seven and not six, so seving is okay. We don't have problems with seven, apparently. So connect with us at instant at naked truth pot or twitter at naked truth underscore pot. Our facebook page is naked truth with Carmen Olivia, and if you will like to pilorate with us and share your story, our email address is naked truth pot at the emailcom tell your friends about us, spread the world, stay honest, stay you and a stay naked. Talk to you next week. Bye, bye, bye,.
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