ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Episode 6 · 1 year ago
SHARE THIS EPISODE
Episode 6 · 1 year ago
Episode 6: Fear
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Hello, everybody welcome to the sithepisodes of naked truth with Carmen and Olivia. I hope you all will. How areyou Olibia? I'm? Ok, I've not be very well, butI've had a coted test and it's not that so that's good and I actually feel alot better to May vranias a good start and but yeah I've just been quite kind ofbusy and ill. So I haven't really been the best and a week since we last saweach other, but I am now I'm feeling better and IV spoken to you thismorning. I'm feeling a lot more positive than I was doing. How have youbeen and as well the weather in a way that the weather has been good? If youare feeling a little biunwelding pasotbing US UM as hots um? For me,I've been thinking about holidays this winning and I'mstruggling to accept that I have to be here on London this summer Um. I was checking flightsto go to see my family sprang and I'm still not clea in my head. If it's theright thing to do or not to see my idyear mother and perhaps bringingsomething to a tiny little village in Northspain, so I'm not sure but thereis a resistance. Since I masI've been working on my resistance lots and I have to accept it, but I'm notthere. Yet what about holiday in this country? For me to be honest holiday, becauseSamnov from here and on my family's there I for me to recharge my batteries, a Neidseem the love ones, my parents and my brothers and sisters, my nieces andit's good for my child as well so yeah there's a point. We can gosomewhere here B me and emotion, of the holyday aways in summertime, where yougo to the family, home and all your brothers and then sisters, and you haveno, and so it's not going to be the same butyeah. It will take me a few days more and I will get there. Is it funny know TAT that you're you'redesperae for holiday to go and seeing family and other people would be like?I couldn't think of anything worse than going on Omtat. I ow I asayeahis esituation is an am y Wif from my family all year round. I only met then fifteendays in oers just to Mae sure. If we are aid to make sure everybody is theyat the same time. So for me, I'm N, never with them. So I don't have thisthing about, like, Oh, my God, my family. No, so I'm I'm always very kinto to middans yea but hey, I have to admit iinem frantically, googling, holidays andstuff, mainly in Thiscountry Havpin, I'm looking ahead from aten years to goabroad, but I just I'm just not booking anything until the last minute. ECAUSEjust don't know, what's goingto happen, eavecos Byan canomife. Should we justgo somewhere else within this country just to thecut YeNite, the different foolwalls for Thewon Yeah? That would hurt promotiona.Wouldn't it H, I just Nov a different view: 'cause. Normally, I'm such a homeperson I'll be like even if we just had a week off and we're just at home that'll be nice. Just you know just chill out at home for a week, but having UShaving both been at home since March. It's like just like go sit in t a different housefor abotthing if Eseli difere, cary nyabe Yeh for mismone the feel of mymother catching something. If I go walking. Awelfhia is quite goodsubjects, because this week we will be discussing fear to Olivia. Why we areso interested in fear. Tell US wow before I am AC she ank for thatquestion. I fel like I should dmit something that I told Calmin last weekto do with fear that was just quite amusing afterwe' had a discussion about whatour topic was going to be this week and we decided on fear and I booked Hinzoon cal and I put there in a episode six tear in the meeting title. I suddenly membered that one of my kindof biggest phobias and very strange irrational theors I have is ofternumber six. It's very off o sick edesode is unfair, so yeah, that's itwas amusing. Thut is also like. Oh well, what's going to go wrong 'cause!Obviously I hate the number six on. This is going to be terrible, so it'sjust freaking in Al enose kind of negative Pir, where the I number six issomething bad and you know you and I har the discussion amount it. I really, you know, don't know: What's happenedwith the number six bligest, it's just something that scares me but il like it, but to arsw your question. Fears ar youknow things that scare us. So it's...
...human nature to avoid things that scareus, but it's not always rational like beingscader than nuber six and trying to avoid it. But sometimes we have thosestrange things and if we PIX APYO'r going to be paintful or hurtit in someway, why would we want to do it? It seems quite sensible that if somethingscares us we do our very best to avoid it, but the problem is we can become ahostage to that Fer, so whether it's tevere of speaking in public or Um,stepping on crack, whatever that fear is, it stops us doing things sopasprogressing, and then it stops our growth in development and also youprobably cat away from it forever. That fear is going to show up somewhere orthat the thing you are scared of Wan show up somewhere when you least expectit, and then how do you deal with it? ECAUSE you're dealing with it? U, unexpectedly, but we can overcome face of Tis, andthat doesn't mean thinking. Well, I'm scared of heights and I's got o falling.So what a Great Way to cure? My fear is just to jump off his building and seewhat, because you know, I fas ar often therefor a reason, there' some kind of prime or reason that we are scared ofsomething and it's Y, it's a survival mechanitms to king, but it's when it's really taking overour eyes and stopping as doing things that it it's an issue and instead we should be thinking whata rational and slafe way of facing that thing. What what is this par giving meand what is it, stop believe from doing do I need to overcome it and half my donot inemasion in the same way. So if you're scared of balling, maybe it'sdoing some utsailing with all the right equipment and the right guide there tohelp you who knows all about the health and safetyside or standing on a reallytall building, that's safe! That has rainings Oll have windows that youarenot going to just o Pol of the EDG and if fears controlling our lives, it'sreally important to recognize that and overcome it, so that we can achievewhat we want to do and in like to be happy and fulfilled. So there is some very clever man calleddoct cal Albrect, who some identified five key fears that Wes Human Harts awe'r Gon to take you through them. Now I Cali justgus our own experiences withthose specific areas of feairs so come. Would you like to get US started soyeah? The first one is fear of extension. Is a fear of season toassist so it's more just a fee of death or how we're going to die. It's justsimply. We no longer be it's an assistantional anxiety and it's it's apanicky feeling we get. We look as you mention over thetat of a tall buildingor when we think too deeply about a deatly disease. U S! Sone of thesamplesical sn of the triggers of this Vee Ol be dark, flying high or veryfatal and terminal deceases. SOMTIMS of for me Um with this. The way I believe in death is that weare all energy and we when, when we die, we stop being in a human body, woull beenergy. So from that RESPR respects I don't I'm not scared of dying. My fearis more how I'm going no die and the reason being is like. I have quite alot of experiences in my family in my life, where people had very painfuldeath, so I know it does assist that processwhere it is painful, and I know for many people, it was like they die intheir SLEP, but obviously you mind focus as a negative bias, so I foson sofor me in this area, my biggest fear is hung going to die and the point that ifsomebody said to me, okay, you can die five years earlier and it's going to bepainless. I give you another five for ten years, but you're going to die inStrampan, I kill you know I will sign for the earlier death. So that is howbig my fear is, because you saw people suffering and it was unpleasant. Soyeah from my respect is the how, rather than stopping to be a human in a wayout Olivia she mind. I suppose the complete opposite of thatmine is absolutely the fear of just of it, just ending that we just don'texist anymore Lik. What? What is that that to me is such a big question thatmy brain cannot possibly handle man. It just makes me feel like Hannacky. If Ithink about it- and it really is that...
...kind of panicky feeling you get whenyou look over at Tal Building, it is that kind of feening. I get and I thinkwhat happens at the end 'cause we, you know, one thing is assured in life andthat is that we're going to die yeah, but we have no ide, but the biggestadventure is. We have no idea what that is and what what that needs to. But forme at is just terrifying and it's very odd, because the fear of not existingat all is terrifying, and I can't comprehend that you just go and that'sgone, and I just don't understand it, but then equally if there is like anafter life and it lasts forever. That is also terrifiin. A No basically had thing. It's just isso scary. I should never think about it. It could be because you think, if thereis anything after is going to be like the one here. No I just I just theconcept of never ending of Infinity Ilik is too big. I just can't Mitimmenit vinit, of course its. I it's it's like my brain just goes nm I'mJusinta Maeyou for panicky, and I can't give me ny answers and- and you know,even thinin out the universe too. Much makes me think about that as in andwhen I say te Unites, I mean space rather than H, yeah ind, a spiritualuniverse. I don't know why Ju di quotation marks on the pokcast whentheI qill see, then you knew oe men but yeah. I do. I really identify witthat strange kind of Quik, iky feeling of or we just don't know what it is,and I can't imagine not being and it's funny that they say triggers can bethings like flying, because I've noticed- and I think this is quitecommon- that in I love gun, holidays O of course have to fly, and I think yeahI enjoyd flying it's fine, but then, a few days before the flight iwill startgetting a bit like Ife, it crashes. What if this happens and I'll startininiing l all these terrible things are going to happen, but then Mowen Iget on the plane that it takes off it all gones, because I have zero controlover it and I'm very calm and Lewhatever happens happens like I cant.I can't do anything about it. So, hopefully, when that mammert comesto me, that's what the feeling wil Pe Saidi just go. Oh well, nothing! I canto I'm not in control of this situation. I think we need to work on each other.We need to go eefor our fears, caut. This is no matter what is going tohappen so Soas pers when you think of our her and you really go deeper andyou analie s, you go like H, there's no way. This is going to happen in my life.This is a story. I'm crating in my head, the PATNEAR Salivia lest hundredpercent shore. It will happen in our lives. So it's a lot of Potin to do aGil I like when you broke it to me gently.Then you are going to dine. You are me too. You never know who will be doingportcast later on. Oh, I know yeah this maybe pocast just arthe alter life.Maybe I don't o knows foy. What will you the second one sordoctor obrex says the second one, an got lovely title, this one mutilationor bodily invasion? So it's the fear of losing part of our body having ourbody's boundaries than they did or of losing a natural function. Is that beany fear where we feel physically, unsafe or under attack? So he says examples would be thingslike were you're scared of creepy, Coalle, spiders or dogs whatever, or snakes or animals. Any kind of thinglike that that you you view to be hardful. So if you have a real fear andanxiety around those a phobia if it, if you will but also it's thingsarty roundcrowds needles germs and have operations going to the dentist, it'sthose things where you do feel I'm physically under attack. I'm youknow I'm going to have to respond to this in some way. So for me I don't particularly have phobias around like spiders or animals and stuff nowother than what I would dom to be a kind of healthy respect for them. AING.I don't really like you, but I'm not like terrified of you. I can pick up aside and put it outside things like...
...that, but I'm not like Ol moter, aSpiderang, an eard plam with it so and then other kindof creep, Calles ordisgusting things. I hate cockcroaches and I hate slugs, but that's ASE. Ijust think they're disgusting. It's not I'm scared of them just like o. Theyjust made me feel good, but so for me it's more around that personalboundaries. I really hate people being too close. I don't in certain situations I really hatebeing around big crowds. It commit mefel very, very unsafe Um. So for me,it's more stuff like that. Actually, this is one area where, for me, theCOBAD pand in it pandenic has actually been quite good. becauses Ta FurthreAway Notnot Kindo entering my own elephantpace, and I don't like it when people touch you and invited, I don't really it does it. genualely brings up a fairkind of feeling in me. If someone was to touch me and they were- and I wasn'texpecting it- you were a struggle living with the Latinos. We are sotouchy and Haggy and Motand. I struggle in like London being on the underground.I'm like why touching me like stjust on Det, just stay like a foot away from me:Don't come any clearer. Ut Yeah therehave been situations where peoplehave cross personal boundaries and I've hada real kind of. I Freaki, like I'E. I've gone too nots to their face at the time, butI've known inside, like I'm having quite an abnormal reaction to whatthey're doing to me. You know I should be able to handlethis situation. So for me it's it's very much Um that sie thing's, rather than the traditional fabirs that you thinkof how about yourself. So for me Um, I have two big ones. Oneis needles, Um, for whatever reason any needle cominginto my body, Ifriak out, usually I'm forty seven. I go to do a blood testand I behaving like to Yorkit my body tanes and I do everything youshould have been doing. They tell you, don't Tande nonten something takes overand is this and then when they do, it is so quick and so painless that mystory in my head is like this is going to be horrible. This is going to bepain for the, and I know it's not painful. So it's stupid story, but if Ifound thit owful, so I feel- and sometimes I really will love to do-Blod get blood but I just can and the second one is. I have this inrationalfear towards rat and mice, and it could be a tiniest little mice. I have more fear to them than a snakemm. It's really crazy and that comes from when I was very little. I was inthe Kitcheng and my brothers called me out and I still remember I was abeautiful summer's Day and my mother was the front of the House watching mybrothers and sisters playing and they called me out and my mother said: Don'tgo. If I was you, I wouldn't go out and obviously atther point. I was notgetting on with her, so I would o always the opposite. So I went out somy three brothers, one grandma one arm, the other one, the other arm and theTharone had nest of. I don't know if there were ruts or mi just born her and they put in front of my face, and probably it was for a few seconds.It fell like an hour it we like, I was screaming. I was Li and everybody waslaughing and since then I killed, you know its so irrassional. I remember Icame from a business trip from France few years ago and it was very cold, soI stopping the Hamesmeth on the ground station and I decided to go into the waiting room because it was reallyreally cold and I sat down myself at the end of the room and there was many people sitting downand I was with my newspaper within the newspaper and suddenly I could hear fewpeople saying. Oh so cute look God so a typical thing when you hear somethinglike Thas when somebody come in, you levt your eye a little bit and then yougo back to your reading Hmso the moment I I I left my eyes I saw in my head,probably was only one mice in my head. They were, I saw three of them sammingdirectly towards me directly, probably wasn't the truth probably was one andit was no coming towards me. I left my newspaper. I started jumping on top ofpeople in the SIPS Scrin, my head off, lest the waiting Roong and going likethis is disgusting, a man an la I es, no Kil. This is, and people werelooking at me thinking, play non with...
...his girl, but is thiss so irrational. Ifeel like I'm goingto die N Kn. I can breathe, it's really rational and Iknow the guilty ones and there's nothing. I can do and I don't knowfunny parties I'm awal of it. I know where is coming from. I need to work on.How can I releace this vear Iko might need some exposure, the rapy a you mihoto the Jangle M Lang on and get a a box full of rats. I ind of e Tatll Ratsouseal on the underground, come on? No, it's so funny when they're like on theplatform, and then you see them get on the train, then love a when they wait.A O te drain with the funny parties. I don't mind to watch cartoons winice andmy can watcs films with rated mice. I can't watch theng in reality, butcartoons are kind of AK and to e onest. This phobia is no impact in my life andprobably that's why I haveing worket. I now thefas. I did a lot of work and Idon't have thing as much because to be honest, when I live, I don't see themmy life and they dont. Stop me from going aheads and pick opportunities anddo whatever I want in life. So I never work in in this type of fear, but yeah.It's very russiane very lie Rasional, so going to feernambertry loss of AU tunemy is the fear of being restricted, confined trappedand suffocated when it's a physical one, its called Crotophobia, but our fealofis mother, restricted anable to take care of ourselves or our kids can alsoapply to this kind of situations in our lives. anding our relationships, theexamples of the triggers, I could be a fear of commitments, poverty,devilitating, illness, m agent and t e addition, situations where we feelhelpless and powerless for esample at work. If you Bos tast you to dosomething and you don't want to do, and you can't refuse, because you know,if you refuse, you can lost your job, this makes you feel trapped andhappiness, and you know if you're, resentful and ungry the other one isPerh, for example, with parents you know, Um is sometimes when you bringthis baby home there's this fear like. Can I do it or my got to have alterlife in my hands and I have to you, know, provide and I have to have themand you feel it very olwerworm and there's something you can give up oryou can't make any other decision so um so for that is is huge. For me is thetaking cate of my family is no be able to it's a huge F fear. Um, there's a lot of Gila Touche too. Youknow I'm not a good Motherg, I'm no, a good pardonno, but I remember when Iwas younger toe onest. I always went through my fearas. I was so brave anthe moment. I had a child. This fear is really strong on me that Ican't provide for my child Um and is a thing is universal many pands tha theyhave. This is a huge s, the biggest responsibility you're going to have inyour life and is one that you want Um bye. This is the biggest one in thisarea. For me, what about you M Olivia? Yes, mine, I think, is my biggest nes area, I think, would becostrophobia and it's not, and I don't think I get it in allsituations, and I think the first time I reallyexvarienced was when I was in a lift and it got stuck and as soon as it gotit starped and got stuck, I started panicking. I thought I couldn't breathe.Houwe e I'm going to die E. I I ti its op and I was in the place at the timeunlucklyichas me and one other police officer in the lift in the hospitalwhen it happened and was properly like taking a stab rest off cause. I wasconvinced it Wal stop for me from breathing, but when the lift was moving,I was goasfine. It was just the moment it stopped and I have noticed that thinks. Then I will there probably have been times whereI've not done things because I'm like oh well, I'm costrophobics D. I can'tdo that fun thing that people are doing. I won't like it or, although I've always done it. If I'vehad my ascaliy to got the hospital like an m ice gun, like that's Quir, youknow n a long scan and you are in a tube kindsqwished in mist. It been doneand you could have my hedmines on and you can't, if t, if they're Givin Lik aMerrit to look ow, it can you're literally just looking at a white cond,a piece of plastic rapent e face and that ireally hate having Thi. They makee really COTOABIC, but I do have them...
...so it doesn't. Stop me doing the thingsthat Ar really good for me, like you, need t, go, have this can to check YoAka, but it does kind of make that whome pricess more difficult than itneeds to be that I'm I'm kind of having to work through these Mademons in myhead before I can get into the the scamner, but it would be nice if, if Ididn't have that at all, so that I could, if there was something fun I don't feellike O. I don't want to do that and thing because it involves bi in a smallarea and I might fel Ust Agov it 'cause, that's the Thi. It's always that Imight not. Even I definitely will it's NAT. Oh, if I have that feeling it's soembarrassing to Mo stop panicking and crying and and thinking I'm Gointo die andobvously. I'm not going to die from being enough in a trap, Tome. Well, noOles, Sou ther! For Long Time y your hospital yo are probably goingto be untrapped within within the hour not going to be left there for weeks,um so yeah. I think it. It's TNOT real kind of physical feeling of beentrapped, and actually it puts me off and getting things like a weightedblanket which imakes me really good for anxiety, but the thought of havingbeing in bed and being so weighed down makes me think like that Mont possiblybe a pleasant expegment. Let's no runs now for separation,abandonment or rejection. So this fearofabandonment aske humans.We have a strong need to belong and from an evolutionary perspective, andif you were kicked out of the tribe, you didn't have much trid Tocarp youanymore, and you probably would die so you really couldn't survive in history.If you weren't part, the team part of the TRIME and Dott orbrect refers to a loss ofconnecteveness of becoming a non person. So if you are not wanted or espected orvalued by anyone else, you, it literally threatens your well beingsurvival. O Yor you're, just not a person anymore, because you haven't gota connection to anybody else, and you know. I think this is such a big. One.Lot of people do suffer with this ter abandonment, particularly if they beenthrough something where they felt abandont, if they felt hand and byparents or Um a relationship or whatever it. It kind of reinforces thatfeeling in you, so examples of some triggers could be whena relationship,ens, whether that's friendship or dmors or deat, and when a relationship ends. It'squite common that we don't just lose that one connection with that oneperson there'll be an extended group of friends at all Ollos contact with soit's. You know that kind of multipy that feeling M, and this type of fear can betriggered when a relationship deepens and when you have that sense ofofunerability and being kind of not intimate with someone that you didn'tbecome kind of catastropizing likewhatwhat about many fiends. Whatabout when they leave me? I'm I'm going to be left anone, I'm not going to beable to do anything. Ia, go survive about them and also an argument or disagreementwith someone important to us can bring up this feeling of rejection. So if youaveer Supfin like the silent treatment that can actually be worse than beingyelled at because you feel invisible that you don't matter to anybody Um and in this type of they can betriggered subconsciously as well by cinoseparation or, and any kind of you know just not being around peopleas much as you used to be. So in me that kind of alrea. This isn't Patecalysomething that came up to me personally. Clients that I spoken to and have Konestruggled with this. It lockdown that they felt very isolated and they'vereally lost that sense of connection with people, particularly they're, notused to connecting with people through Um like phone calls orzoom or thingslike that. That's a new to them, they're, not quite getting the Sao ofit as they are from very personal, an interactions of people. But if I thinkabout an example, Wi h with me and tmain example that comes up as when Iwas at university between my second and third year or ending ending my secondyear going to my third year. I can fell out with the friends that I was livingwith. I didn't even really fall out. We just really completely drifted apart.We stopped all caking very awkward and it made me feel very kind of I smokelike a non N, Likei Dis' exic, and in...
...dealing with that, what did I do to not have those b attempts oav theirseeings Oli'll ill awad them I'll pretend to not be in the house when,really, I am I'm just in my room O, I won't I'll be out sole day, so I don'thave to see them, but that makes it even worse. 'cause you got even less ofthe connection not facing up to sure we just have a conversation like someting,not working here, eras, a bit awkward I', not I'm not sure you, I wasn'thaving those conversations, and so that was something I actuallyexperienced, but also alongside that there was far of I don't get to deal with this. I Alayfeel like Thisan and it's going to get worse and worse, so I avoided them andI did make it worse and worse an I wouldn't particularly recommend doingthat w. What about you what's coming up newto me was more of the fear of rejection. I come from a big family, I'm the eldest of eight siblings and mymother was busy at work as well. So you know the more baby is the less timeshe had for each people, Um, and I felt in visinovisible in thatfamily after few kids, more after me, Um so yeah the the of preduction andthen, when you look back it's understandable, but when you are a kid,it's not mm and you don't feel like they see you, and that is very painful,and I think it is something that affetted me all my life. To be honest,this one so the fifth one, humiliation, shame orwotlessness wow big one ego de fia. They call it so we all need to feellovable worth of love and of value in the warll in order to have healthyrelationships, no without not just with others, but with ourselves and shamecan be ascrucinating filing something. Many of us will go great lengds to toavoid it, but when we are shame or humulated, it can threateing on Estroyhour believe that we are warfalof anything in life. So, as you mentionbefore, we have nobody um one of the number one I think Tiad within thesecategories. Public speaking, I remember the first time I had to Lo absentationsixty people in my company for two months. I couldn't sleep. Mammywas more scare than dying at that point and then I did and I really enjoy itand I survived so yeah. This is one of the and the triggers for this one is afailure, criticism, bulling victimisation, making mistakes and asmentione the public espe speaking is, is hugshame in this one and its is afi, if feeling shame orwater than Wori can't even pronounce this wor war, waterlessness eough tofigure by an expectation of judgment and criticism. Fom Mothers and to behonest, O liver CIX, is ourselves how we treatourselves after we faild and we didn't do as well as we expect it, andsometimes when we are victims as well so imagin in the situations of pullingslunder or ripe, we left feeling shame and Wat less Um that we are no worthyof Lovefol Bein, valued by by others. So my grace in this area, port,probably is amnow enough. So Um, I'm not levg enough. I'm not tolly enough,I'm nothing enough! You name! It is so many know enough. You can write a bookand if you have these, you don't take opportunities in life, because you culdsee a promotion that I'm not cleavy enough and looking back to be onnest.Many of my Um Promotions, few of them. If I really honest it wasbecause all thers believe in me and they push me to upply Fort Yeu- andthat is you know you give Olthers ar control ing you life is crazy. You willbe the one saying: No, I can go for it. I remember once I was planning to liveand my friend said ohthes. This job Instrutitim, I said, Sir Maria- I neverdone a strate and lent no, but you're very good in many areas, reallyresourceful Youare tat extremely well. Youlyou learn really fast. So what isthe problem? I said, but I've never done it as she kept saying so. Go knockthese this dirater's door and talk to him. MMI, don't want you to go, and I said why now and I did and I gotthe job so you know it's huge. It can stop youfrom so many things in life and can you stop you from a teming, the veryimportant things that you want in life and, overall you happiness really soyeah? What about you? Olivia Yeah, I...
...think very similar to you. It reallybrings up for me kind of work situations where you really lack that self belief andyou don't treat yourself particularly well youknow. I was always very good if, if somebodyelse made a mistake, is l it's an earning opportunity and you know don'tworry about it. How do we stop it? Not how O to stop it from happening again?What processes can we change, but I treat myself completely differently. Itwould be like what an idea I'd treat myself so bad for having made a mistake-and you kno spent a lot of time going aboveand beyond, in an attempt to not experience the feelings of ofworthlessness and shame and thinking. Well, if I, if I just try really hard,then everything will be right, but it it's exhausting. You know just yeah,just having those feelings and constantly trying to conquer them allthe time, and I think that's what we both said is just so common forpeople in in the workpace in particular yeah, so now Um, lest, let's Geep the audience alittlestrategy how to deal with it. So I will take you too few steps of meat,a few points of the stratedy and we will put an example so is Sysia tounderstand so the firstest of worlness. You have to do a list of you fear. So,let's put one fear Olivia you want to work on. So I'm going to say, N. my kind of newest fear I have at themoment is going to the shops with you know the covetpandemic because of ther kind of loosening the restrictions. So I a'mtoo scared to kind of go to the supermarket at the moment, but the fearunderneath ther Eswat that I'm going to catch covet or evenworse than that, I'm Goin to catch t and pass it onto somebody else, who'sgoing to get ral ill. Okay, so you're very aware what it is is the fear thatyou catte yourself and the worst thing. Is You pass it to your parents Yas. So the second said tap is take anaction to reduce a likelihood of each of the fear. You have becomeing yourreality. So in your case, what are the actions you can take right now for younot to get the covet yeah? So I really I'm helpful. One is the one that I'mdoing at the moment, wishjus to not go to the shop and just to do onlineshopping instead, but then inevitably th they don't have anything or you needto go to a different shop M so that one's not helpful, but in termsof more empowering and powering OED actions to recuce it. I think it's being Awet, sorry aware of how to keepyourself as healthy, as you can at the moment, so Nakeyou sure your immunesystem's good eating, well sleeping well, allhos things that we know reduceyour chances of getting O or increase your chances. Ave been able to torecover more quickly. So it's kind of sensible, rationalsteps like that, and then there's also being aware like if it does happen, andI do catch coved what's what's the process then like? What do I need to do?I need to inform other people tha have been around. I need to make sure I'mfollowing the medical advice, Um and even before that, if I'm gettingsymptoms, I need to go and go and be tested. So this week, one of mysymptons well, two of my symptoms, were coted symptoms, so I went and gottested and I have the results in less than twenty four hours that it is notcovered an so it's it's being kind of aware of the things you can do thatare' stopping Meu from doing other things, so it s it's being veryrational about it in taking me the emotion AU of it. I think I the isthere is the actions to reduce the impact in your life. If you get I, butwhat are the actions you can do right now for you not together, wo MEE, not to get it. It's you knowwearing and make sure you're, following all the guidance o wearing the masswashing your hands wearing gloves, if necessary and trying to stay away frompeople. You know when you are out and about keeping the distance which isn'tan issue for me 'cause. I don't like touching and you K W and I think just justtrying to keep yourself as healthy as as possible. 'cause. I haven't Bo it,but what I can do at the moment is eat right, sweet right exercise right, just try and keep healthy. So we didthree steps. The one is become a wavyfar. The second one was actioned toreduce the likelihood of DAFIA becoming reality, and the fairone is the actionto reduce the impacts of your life. If he becomes your reality. An importantthing here is to understand when you...
...write these suctions, they have to beempowering because, as Olivia sat is okay in the shop in terms to beisolated at home, but Yeu decision is to never go out. Wit. Stop Stop TATS,no okay! So when we write the actions down, they have to be empowering makingyou situation much better. The fourth one is: What are the benefits of takingaction Ar Living? If youd do all this tint the benefit of taking actions thatI can just go about my normal life in the you know, qrotation Tatne, normal they'regoing. I can go to the shops, Ican go. Oh, I need buttermilk in the moment, so I'm going to AU t potstecosand get e bottermilk Um. So I can just as much as we all can goabout our normal ives at the moment. That's what I can do. I can do it in ina safe way, get stuff done and you know not be controlled by theSPHEARE and if what will be the cost ofinaction Thateis the fifth step, if you don't do any of this actions, what willbe the cost in your life? Well, the cost is that it's, it's quite debilitating that OunLi or I can't go there because of I can't do x because of why know I it'sit', letting it control me and I think, there's a real risk. If I met thiscontrol me and I just go well- not gain shops any more an then. Where else isthat going to suddenly pop up? Well, actually, I'm not going to see peopleanymore. Actually, I'm not going to do any exercise anymore. Yo K, O I'm nil,just going to stay in my house. Can that's the the safeest possible thing when actually that's going to be reallybad in terms of mental healt? You know getting the balance of being a safe as you can beve, but alsobeen able to live your life nd and be healthy in in terms of mental healthand emotional health. So, if I don't do anything you KO, I won't be able to go to theshops. I won't get the things that I need. I'm unable to Getin onlineshopping, I might be able to jest. You know pop out and get leassons youjust run out of it'll always have to be a huge shot to be big enough for themto deliver it and there's a real risk that I stoppd doing anything or goinganywhere an seeing people, because it will just grow and grown up fer of orI'm going to Catch Co. TES Ni'm, I'm going to give it to somebody else. So,basically Thi. He is going to run your life and is going to Leve, Om, big andbigger wing. If you take the action, if yea becomes a small and smaller to thepoint that sometimes it disappears heat tes, these five steps, I think it willwork for the majority of our fears and son of Tanli. My fear to ruts is moreRussiana. Probably I need to seek a professional help need to go deeper and so a no don'tthing you can do yourself. I tryi working Um depeing to the Rod coast ofof the fear. So Livia. Can you tell me an example where you you've really face?You fear and he has resulted n positive, UM, yeah yeah. I've had so so many thatit's actually quite difficult to think of an example 'cause. I just know,particularly in the last year, maybe a bit bit longer. I've made a real,concerted effort to do things. That scare me, because I realize that, and Ireally didn't know who I was or what I liked in Mife I'd kind of given myselfsome rules. You do like this, you don't like that, and actually I didn't reallyknow if it was true 'cause. Some of those things were just me going you'rean intravet. You worn't, like that, your and a person you won't like that- and you know that was a very safe wayof being. I didn't have to PAC antes 'cause al, you don't like thats, I justdon't do it. So I've made a real conscious effort to just start saying:Yester, tings and just giving them ago with a view to just experiencein morein life and not never regretting it, but and if you try it and you don'tlike it, that's why youhave to do it again, but at least try and at leastgive it ago, and so one thing that I've always thoughtabout myself. The Ye years was Im Nintur that I hateen CENSAR etention. Ilike Kindof, just blending into the shadows and people being aware of me nthat I'm doing a good job, but not calling me out and making you exampleI's like oh you're, so great at this Y. I didn't like that mind my that's mythougt and then last year in November, when I went to see my favorite murderlive at the Hamson epollow, they ave the setionatend, where you can give athey get someone stace to tell their hometown crying o story, so iher sil bes personal tem or all the place that they grew up and...
...like a a Ave, always hated or thought Ihated insensive attention. Why would I ever want to anything like that? And Ithought no, when, when Georgia says, does anyone have a hind town dos e Arat to come ostage and tells their story just put your hand up? ECAUSE I're,probably not going to pick you. I put my hands up. She did pick me and I wenton stage and I a three and a half thousand people. I told my hometownmurder story and it was the best experience of my life Iam still chasingthat kind of an gifen feelings. Now 'cause, it's so exciting, so differentand it's such an extreme n way of gettinginto public. Speaking of going, I've never stood in fract of anyone otherthan like. You know, team or department, and and talk through things that I I amoning. So I'VE GOT INSE as O. I will be able to talk Alam if this is no like, like doing improvised speech in front of people and peoplewere laughing at the Tanen to be funny. They were, like you know, exclaiming at the bits thatWeres Tad, like oh no knowcheering it fo when there was some good news at theend, and you know I really had the audience ingage and I was Lik. I neveran thought. I could do anything like that because, oh you know, I just don't like all ofthe thought or of people looking at me awful all that just feels too difficultand it's like notis the best thing ever. So I think that will be my most extremekind. Of example, of going, I amscared pubic speaking, I'm San Fithree and a half thousand people and two potcaspost that I might idomize em hom a coherent story and get greatfeed BC from it as well. And if I hadn't done that, I wouldn't be doingthis poor cast y wouldn't be at hostmasters, I'm now the vice predidentof education at artost Master's Club. You know, there's all these things thathavecome from me just taking that STECP and going I'm not reabe afraid of thisanmore, I'm just going to do it. What about? What about you, one, what anamazing story! So for me, I was before I arrived in England. I mad a decisionto come here to learn English and at the time no many jobs in Noin, Spain. Ihad a job, a good ong and everybody was telling me. I was totally crazy and Icouldn't speak o the language so with a heck, a you're goin to do so. I Um Iwas supposed to meet my godmother's Um Gotson and Um in England, Hesro and,and I was so scarciously I took that plane and had these bigs and glasses-and I remember I was this older caup next to me, sitting long in theairoplane, a lady next to me and then husband and I could not stop crying andI was trying tocry cry really quietly, so the lady will not realize, but ofcourse women will realize these things and I was so scare ously. I'd neverbeen so scared in my life, because t wit happen. If the guy wasn't there inM. to pick me up, I can't talk to people. What Wat I going to do. I'm Gonto sleep in the street so saw this thinking. Soanyway this old lady feltso sorry. For me, she grabbed my hand and it's quite emotional to he honestoe say, and she took care of me and an with me. She made sure that the guy wasthere and then the experience was amazing, a landname lace and it wasamazing. So for me, I just many times when I go through the Fer is so painful.It takes me to tears. Mm andwhat happens to me. I keep walking throughthe tears with the tears and everything with it, and I keep going on and goingon until I come out to the the end of my comfortable Zong and his magic is anamacing herine. So if I thou- Oh I'm crying poor me I'm going to stop, Iwill never do it, so we have to do of course, you're going to cry of course,you're coin to have butterfly in your stomach d. You unpen think all sortswalk through that ears walks through the the Pang and it will be magic atthe end, but you have to walk through ITM, mors th. The fear is at itshighest level just before the breakthrough. MMSO. If you knowthatit's not torable any more, just keep going a tiny bit more and then itwill be that magic yeah. That was my my xperience to come to your lovelycountry, Orleving, and now you can't speak Spanish anymore 'cause. You find,as has finally said, more o any more after twenty five years. I will neverbe Handuposendin English, because I have a strong accent, but yeah he'squite quite interesting. Isn't it it's amazing that you can just come toanother country, an D and just immerse yourself in that anlearn, the languagerather than yeah? It is. I I've been taught since day one because I loveheir Lotsians. I love English and I...
...love the people that were reallywelcomeing. I lways felt very welcome in this country Anhil now, with theBrascet base a thin for another day, Olivia Bot, Lamori Wi, is chapter fear, sale, yeah, Soin, summary, Ov kind ofwhat we've gone over day. I mean number one I'd like to say it's completely normal for having fears,as we just went through all those different tears Carmon, and I hadexamples for all of them and they're, not our only examples e lit more thanthat. You are completely normal and I fears it's universal. To have thestheir tranacky was protected. It is a primal thing. They are tranniky the SAM,but if they're limiting what we can achieve and us being happy, then it'sreally important that we chang steps to to overcome them. Nor affar is ourdaily companion. We all have it, but once we've become aware of them andhow they impatmalize, we can get through them and once you do it is likemagic. It feels amazing H, you get out to comfort, Zon and you've grown andovercome that fear, and you can also then start looking back a on. Oh well,Ia've done that. So what's the next thing I can do you know you can reallystart to Obercome Olzets, an different fears, and but the biggest thing isit's normal. But just if things aren't limiting you, they are stopping youfrom doing things. Then, why not just work through them and having muchhappier life and and beall that excitement of whow? I did it. I conqetit. I can't CEP Tup there an you feel, proud, onya era, Sooni Yah, so yet to end up these pot gast. Thankyou so much for listening and please joiing us again. Next week we stilldidn't decide what we're going to talk about. I'm sure it's going to beinteresting. Butbes, Aset, Cety, not sick. To seven is okay. We don't haveproblems with saving apprenly, so connet with that at Intan, AD snaked,througth pot or twitter. A Naked Truth Ante score pot. Our Face Woul Pat, isnaked truth with Caming Olibia, and if you wild like to Clary with us and Sharyour story, our male address is naked truth. Ports at Demail, dotcom. Tellyour friends about us, spread the ward stay on us. Stay you and stay nakedtalk to you next week, Byebye.
In-Stream Audio Search
NEWSearch across all episodes within this podcast