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Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia
Naked Truth with Carmen & Olivia

Episode 8 · 2 years ago

Episode 8: Happiness

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

This week Carmen and Olivia bring happiness to your life! Listen as they discuss the concept of happiness, how to find it and their happy memories.

Hello, it be bloody and welcome to the episodes of naked truth with Carmen and Olivia. I hope you'll well. How are you doing, Olivium? What has been you doing? And from last week, I have been quite busy, which has been good, keeping me out of trouble. This week's just flown by. I can't believe we're back on Friday again. It's crazy. And it's August tomorrow, which is insane. But yeah, I'm good. I'm hoping not to have any low flying planes going on whilst we're recording, so we're going again this morning. The American air force like to try and scare us by flying as low as possible over our houses, over our house, but they seem to a stop for now, thank goodness. But I if you do hear a plane, I am not in any imminent danger. It's just there their manuvers. It's very loud sometimes. But yeah, I'm looking forward to a bit of but a sun today. I'm a bit scared of how hot it's going to get, but yeah, fly thirty out. Sorry, what did you say? APP only thirty degrees. Just going to get to I think it's thirty two. Oh my gon I know we're gonna die. And in London. Yeah, Oh, yeah, yeah, I mean at least I'm out in the middle of nowhere. But it actually our garden is a real kind of like it's always much hotter in our garden than it is out the front. So it does get very, very warm back there. Not Going to complain because I'm not going abroad this year, so just have to pretend I'm in Turkey when I'm in the back garden today. What have you've been up to since last week? So nothing. May I've been walking a lot. I guess he's contagious giving talking a lot about walking. So yesterday we were walking for two hours. I came down so tired and I didn't realize he was two hours. I thought, yeah, yeah, it's really nice. Just I lately with the whole isolation and of this, I'd really love to be around trees. Yeah, so we went to a park and, you know, you immersed yourself in the conversation and yeah, two hours later I felt shuttered. Seriously, I slept really well, pretty bit, really well. SOLBA, this week we're going to talk about happiness. I can hear you. You're very happy. I am happy. This morning. So I said us to hear. Yeah, it was so very well. So, before we start, I just wanted to tell the all audience a little bit story. Story about happiness. The Legend has it that the Olympian Greek gods were immersed in a eating heated debates about where to put the human happiness. They were no happy with the way the humans...

...were behaving, so they wanted to hide it from them. So Pa say, don't say. What about who? Put the happiness in the bottom of the ocean? And Sous reply, well, humans are very clever. They will find a way to go to the bottom of the ocean and find it. We need to find another place. So, after a lot of deliberation, Apollo thought that he had the most brilliant idea. If they put happiness on top of the biggest mountain, h must will never get there. So the captivating and thinking a lot on the different possibilities in they all came to the conclusion that no matter how told the mountain was, humans will find a way to get there and find happiness. So they kept thinking and thinking and the clever hearer, that the quiet one, spoke and she said what about if we put it inside the humans they will never find it. And after careful deliberation they all agree and from the moment onwards, happiness was located inside the humans. So it's I thought it was an interesting story because we spent our lives trying to look for happiness in external factors, material things, achievements, when really all along is inside us, but we never been taught how to find them, how to be happy. So what do you think about this little story Olivia? Well, I think they're very ampsky Greek gods. I've been hiding that happiness from us. But it's it makes sense, doesn't it, that we we've kind of been searching for happiness ever since and we can't find it because it's already there. You've already got it, you've just you just can't quite locate it in yourself. So yeah, I think it's a clever little story, that one. And I don't know, because is if you go to like my best friend Google, yeah, you will happiness and happy. So Google said the happy is showing pleasure and happiness, obviously, is the state of being happy, and that is the problem, I think, in the Western society, and it's all you know, I'm not attacking the market tears, but it's all the whole society. We have so much marketing around us and so many different messages bombarding us with. We have to get something to be something, or if get here, then you would be happy. Yeah, and then you're you achieve that and you feel like yeah, it's a honeymoon period, but then you go like hmm and you get back to whatever motions. So with happiness for you, Olivia. See, I did the same thing where I looked on Google and I just thought, I don't really agree with their them their definition of it, but then I also couldn't really come up with one, I suppose, real definition,...

...because I think it is different things for different people. So things that might kind of inspire happiness and you might be an absolute nightmare for me, and it's probably easier to describe what it feels like and what it actually is. So for me it's when you feel satisfied and content with you know your lot in life, you feel positive emotions, you're in a good mood and you're enjoying life. So that's that's when I feel happy. It's not necessarily this overwhelming, pleasurable feeling. It can just be like yeah, things are okay. I'm I'm I'm fine. I'm pretty happy with the way things are, and I think that's really what happiness is, is when you're not in a dark place, I guess. And something I found really interesting when I was doing my research was, according to Etymology Online, not a website I often go to for most the word happy is actually derived from the same word for lucky, and it goes on to suggest that in the olden days, day is of your happiness wasn't seen as a vital factor and having a good life and instead was a bonus that just some lucky individuals got to experience. And I don't know if I agree with that statement. That seems very it seems very sad that only a few lucky people got to be happy and everyone it just wasn't vital. It didn't really matter if you're happy or not. You just got on with it. Because to me, if I think about the life of what we understand the life of a caveman to be, it was a lot simpler. They they had a very clear purpose, that was to survive. So of course it was a hard life, but I imagine they didn't have the same longing for materialistic things that we do now. So they must have had some contentment. I imagine in what they were doing that they'd, you know, caught the food or found the food or whatever it was they were doing. They must be a degree of I've done that now. That feels good. But then I also guess that happiness wasn't a word or a concept that existed back then. So yeah, I think I probably felt it. It just maybe wasn't a concept weird come up with by then. It's quite interesting. All I was listening into somebody, I can remember the name, and they were talking about an expert in marriage and they were talking about the history of marriage and then our days we introduce the concept of happiness and yet many cultures still the range. Marriage is still you know I'm going...

...on, but in the past it was like how, you know, these two people can work together and may happiness. We're not involving anything. Is the same as if you were a big farm and you have a lot of kids. In their mind is I need more kids to help out in the farm. MMM. And the the modern society, you know, incorporated more than in the individual happiness into the quotient that you know, it creates slightly bigger problems, because then is two people trying to find their own individual happiness. So it could be that is the modern concept. MMM, but I much preferred to live now than in the cavemen. For sure it's less dangerous or you never know, but I feel like less than just so why Olivia? What do you think happiness matters? Wow, I mean I think it matters because it makes you feel good. But when I did some kind of research into this, you know, why does it really matter? As a lady called June pilny happy if I and she actually answered this well fourteen times. The question was what's so great about happiness anyway, and she came up with fourteen different answers, but I've summarized it here because actually they could all kind of go into one sentence rather than fourteen separate answers. So my summary would be that happy people are more successful, they are healthier and they contribute more towards society and others. So I think that's why it's so important. It isn't just that feel good factor. Actually has a influence on other areas of your life. But it's very difficult to be successful if you're unhappy. It's difficult to be healthy if you're unhappy. Do you really want to contribute to others and help others if you're desperately unhappy? I don't think you are. I think you do need that. That's part of you to be there, to be able to do all of those things. So that's why I think happiness matters. Yeah, made total of them. So what's what's happiness to you, Carmen? Yes, so for me I change a lots. I say, mature Olivia very much your these days. But for me, when I look back, happiness used to be always thinking of having good time, smiling all the time, and by doing that, the Times where you are knowledge that you've seen you and unhappy. So you tend to create a lot of unhappiness in your life because you know accepting what life is about, and life is about opportunity for Growth and development. Then many challenges and a lot of playing and a lot of happiness, but not just happiness. And for me now happiness is, if I have to boil it, something,...

...it would be that I have peace of mind, I feel content with whatever I have, how my life is and people around me. I feel fulfilled with whatever I'm doing in life than contributing and I'm walking the path I should be walking and the reach joy enjoy. You know, it's different from the happiness concept that had and I feel joy inside and and you can do that by accepting life, and accept life is accepting all the challenges, because, to be honest, the joy and happiness probably the moment you can count our lower than the challenges you will have in life. Depends how you look at situations as well, of course, but if we start viewing any situation in front of us as an opportunity to learn a little bit more and to grow, I think that could be a big help towards the happiness and that is what I'm trying to do in working on myself, because that the majority of my unhappiness was because I did not accept life as he was. I think I said what I had in front of me. I had to deal with why me, this is not fair, well, compared and to others and going insular, where you just become such a me center, and the moment we become me center, happiness. Start fulfilling your life. The moment you are all this center and your contribute you have, you are more happy. As you mentioned, before. So for me it's just these things. You know, like you is in peace and you feel content. You said, life or what it is a journey rather than a big party in a way. So, Olivia, what are you happiest moments? If you look back, if I look back through my life, my kind of, you know, flashbacks of really happy moments. Actually, I think one of my probably the earliest memory I have is being on a on a sledge in snow, and I'm I was like a toddler, like being in a snowsuit on a sledge going down a hill in like deep snow, and I remember that being very, very like happy and joyful. But it's when you're a child is very simple, isn't it? It's you're happy or you're not happy. So at that point you don't have all the same worries and concerns and awareness of everything else that goes on in the world. So I think, I think that was a very kind of happy time. And then again through throughout school days, just memories are of just hanging out with friends when there's no problems, no one's fallen out with each other, funds, getting on like that's like the best kind of feeling when you've got those really close relationships. And...

...then you know, even my third year of Uni was like the best fun ever. Just lived to some really great people, met some great people, did some great things and you know, hard to have any bad kind of memories from then at all. It was all just really fun. And then even in the police, which quite often when I talk about my experiences in the police, although I recognize that I enjoyed it at certain points, it tends to be focusing on the negative and that I don't regret anything. But you know, it didn't go well and that's how I've ended up where I am now, that I'm grateful for it, but actually there are some times in the police where my team was just so bonded and we knew each other so well. You knew who was going to react to different things and who was going to have your back and you just couldn't have asked for better colleagues and I think when you have that kind of camaraderie that really helps contribute to being happy in your work life. But I realization of actually have very recently, as in this week it is. I was listening to another podcast and there's a couple of comedians talking about being single during this lockdown period with covid and talking about, you know, being lonely or whatever, and then the other one pointed out, like what would be worse than being single in lockdown would be being in a relationship in lockdown, because you're stuck with your partner in your house and you can't get away from them, and that there's all these people that have come to this realization that they shouldn't be in a relationship, they've never spent that much time together before, they don't really like each other, and like how awful that would be. And I realized at that point, like how actually I was really content and actually I've quite enjoyed lockdown, being stuck with my father, and it's really an it's like, I fee is the same Olivia we are. I haven't asked him. I don't know if I want to know the answer. It doesn't matter. It's all aver worse. So I think it goes back to what you were you were talking about that kind of accepting life as it is and viewing stuff as opportunity for learning growth, and I think that's what we had to do at the beginning of lockdown, that first week it was a nightmare. We had so many arguments and it was just like having both people working from home. It was it was just lack of clear communication and boundaries and who's doing what when and who needs quiet time when for what sort of things. And then we started communicating like I've got this at this time, I really need it to be quiet, I need this, I need that, and then it's we've settled into this really good routine and actually I've really enjoyed him working from home now that we don't spend all day together. We're very separate in our work. But yeah, it's been really it's a maze alive. There's this real...

...contentment that we can actually live in this harmony together in you could be a relationship coaching and I's of Covet Oh no, no, I can't deal with other people. But yeah, I think that's been a real, real lovely realization this week that, yes, this has been, you know, a really hard time to get through, but that area of my life I do feel very happy and very content and just it's good, it's okay, and that's that's what you want. You do. I don't want the highs and lows of a you know an early relationship, those early days where you're so passionate and then so angry because something's gone wrong. It's you know, it's quite nice to be in this kind of in the middle, so we can we can get on, we can be friends as well as partners. You know, it's been that's been. I hope that's something I remember, something going to try and remember going forward. It's so beautiful. God, I hope you doesn't love it. I hope you will listen to me. If he doesn't, please, and now you can embarrass yourself. What your memories of? I will not give you an embarrassing ones. And so for me, when I look back is when I when I used to be younger, many moons ago, when I started going out clapping. So in Spain you go out from twelve o'clock and then you come back. When you come back, you know, sometimes six, sometimes eight. In my case, it was always, like I remember to be talking to all my neighbors with cars and asking them what, what time are you going back? What time are you going back? And I will do with the with the one that when the latest. HMM. My neighbors were really concerned and you know, I had loads of rumors about which type of girl I was, because every weekend I will come back in a different car. But it's just the memory of me. I never drunk much, so I was dancing and dancing. Imagine the whole night, MMM, dancing away, meeting people. So the two things I love the most at that time was dancing and just socialized. Is. You know, I like to talk us, you know so, and I was very, very popular and very social. So as so many people to talk to, and that that memories. Wow, it's just pure happiness, pure freedom enjoy. The other one probably is when I had my baby. Now woman will go like, what is not when you were delivering? That probably I wouldn't color call the happiness. Yes, to hold these baby. MMM, it's just, I don't know, there is nothing, it just it's just nothing like that. And then nowadays I'm a little bit more calm and all that. Just having Nice Dian nurse or conversations with like minded...

...people and for some pople, doing this podcast. It makes me really happy to prepare with you and to talk about things that matter to us and hopefully will mutter to all our audience. MMM. So the happiness is more subtle you know more, but yeah, that probably are my memories. Yeah, so do you think there's some key elements Olivia to create happiness in our lives? It's difficult because everyone's lives are so different and everyone want something different in in life. But what I would say is something it's key is being aware of what you already have and not focusing on what you want. So you already have so much in your life, whether it's people that love you and there it's that you've got your dream car, whatever it is, that is the thing that you kind of means a lot to you what you already have and don't always be focusing on what you want. Now, going back to previous this episode, you still need goals and to strive to achieve what you want, but be mindful not to do that at the expense of sacrificing what you already have and have that awareness of I've already got all this great stuff and the next thing I want to do is do that thing there and that. Don't just concentrate on that at the expense of forgetting all the great things that you already have in your life. So kind of, I suppose, a way of an analogy for that would be like enjoy the journey. So when you're going on holiday and you're focusing so much on on where you going and you've got this long drive to, I don't know, the Lake district or something, if you're just purely focused on getting there and hey, every moment of the journey on the way, you'll have missed out on a lot little bit, a lot of views. There could have been people you met along the way, experience you had, jokes you had with your family in the car. You've missed all of that. So really try and enjoy the journey as much as you enjoy the destination. So I think I love it being my kind of key elements to that, I love them all. So for me will be probably three things and one day never had before and now it's in my daily habits, is gratuitude. I truly don't believe anybody can be happy if you're not grateful. It a little bit what you said of what you have, who you are. You just can't and the you can't have but emotions while you doing gratitude. It's just it's impossible. So for me I start my day with, you know, saying thank you, I'm Alife, they are meanings of people that didn't wake up. Today I have...

...another opportunity to give you a goal and Mace whatever I want to make or talk, who you know, to the people I want to talk or do whatever I want to do for my health. So you know, if you think about health, my goodness, we should. We should be so happy to be healthy. There's so many people that are not, but we just grateful for our health in the moment we are not healthy. It's just crazy. Soul gratitude for me is a must. The second element probably is accepting reality, and I'm going to give you a little example of how not accepting reality can give you so much and happiness. I remember was working really hard towards a promotion and it was something that I was hundred percent sure I will get it. The top management and people I was working with my keys, they hold us, they knew I will get it. So everybody was you know, of course coming is already doing the job. So the job became available and they gave it to somebody else and that took me to seriously more than a year of sentiment, anger, stress and anxiety because I just didn't understand. It's just I was working. I was doing all the right things and person just happened that it was from certain nationalities and new, certain type of people, it was a different sex, and I was so angry, seriously affected my wellbeing so much. And few years later I got a different promotion and at that point I realized that the promotion I wanted I didn't want in the first place because, if I look at it, it will have I will have to travel a lot and I don't like to travel for business. So you see the moment you don't assert reality, a CD is and saying, okay, I didn't get it, so what can I do now? And you go into this victim mentality and fighting and fighting a why me? Why I didn't get it, and you can go for a year or more. It could be years. Oh yeah, it's when they unhappiness comes because you know accepting what it is and you cannot change reality. You just need to accept a first and then try to do something about it, and that is the third element growth mindset. So see failures, see challenges as an opportunities for you to learn and grow. See, if you didn't get something, what does it mean? It could mean that this thing was not the right thing for you and the universe has a different plan for you, but you don't know yet because you don't do the thinking about what you want in your life. or it could be that you know there for it. You know if like like, for example, when I became a finance manager, I became my whole mine, embody and the way I behave. I...

...was a finance manager before the job came available. So it was really easy for people to say take it, you are already a finance manager. So, but it's because, when I don't, you know, you working on yourself. So by taking challenges as an opportunity to grow or to question yourself what you have to do and having a growth mindset, it will inject happiness in your life because you will not do the fighting. So for me, these three elements of gratitude, accepting reality and a growth mindset are key for happiness and for me, as a summary, there is nothing we need to be, to do or to get to be happy, as with this story with the Greek gods. That is a sweet story, but to be honest, it is the reality. Happiness is not going to be in the house you buy, in the car you buy, in the promotion you're going to get, because if we are not happy within ourselves, you could be happy because you got something in for a month, six months, but then you go back to their happiness. And happiness is our birthright and it's in Sire. So it's up to us and we can't put it as other people responsibility. Like you know, even in relationships, the majority of the problems we have is because we we blame the our partner for our own happiness. Yeah, giving that power to our partner, that he's in control or she's in control of our happiness, is crazy. We are in control of our happiness and we are. If we are not, we have to do something about it. So there's nothing we need to get. And the problem is that I think we leave with this model like if I to do the doom, then I would be happy. Yes, if I pass this exam, oh, happy, if I can buy a flat, I will be so happy forever. I remember when I arrive in this country, I couldn't speak English and so I was cleaning in a hotel and in very little money and had a dream in my head, and the dream was if I could lever and tenzero pounds a year and this. I'm talking about twenty five years ago. I will never ask for anything, I would be so happy. How stupid is that statement? Because of course then, you know, I end up any much more. But I truly believet it at that point and then when I got much more than that, loves more than that, I wasn't happy. So you know this. This model doesn't work. So if we are not happy, don't find it. Don't try to say all is because I need to if I do these, then just try to go and start working on yourself, try to understand you issues, you believes, your values, and do some work on that to find them for yourself and don't put it on anybody's hands. Is You wrong? Seeing you have the ownership for your own happiness, really, and I so. Yeah, I think that's a...

...really good point because I know when we've discussed this outside of the podcast, we're talking about people who don't have anything but a very, very happy so they're in a third world country, they're homeless, whatever. You know, there are people who have so little material objects, so little money, but have a great deal of happiness. Yeah, which just proves that that if I had that, then I would be happy. Isn't true. It is nothing and a happy I was listening to a podcast the other end. There were saying this little story about the Super Rich millionaire going on holidays to this, I don't know, somewhere in the sudden, beautiful tropical island, and he spent his days working with the in by the beach with the family and observing the people going fishing, the locals going fishing, and he really liked this family and he got to know them with the men went fishing very early, long and in the day, and then he will spend the whole afternoon with his grandkids, his wife and all that. And they started talking and he really wanted to help him because he could, and he thought if I could get a job for him, he could do really well. So he said to the guy, you know, if I could help you, you know, like what would you want? And the man said, I'm happy, I don't need anything, but you know, if I can give you a job and you can loads of money, the old man said, and then what I will do with it? Well, you could do like me. You can come to tropical islands like this. And the Guy said, I am here. You see what I mean? Is just the probably the old man was like what it's talking about? I I have what you spend your money and getting stressed. You have to pay you money to get here. I don't need your money and it is nice and I like but I'm afraid is how society is being constructed and our beliefs. You know, coming here, remember a lot of documentaries about how Margaret Thatcher change things in this country and you can buy your own house and you can, you know you can. If you have a brain, you can succeed and all that, and I became very individualist, very like the American style. And you know is it's creating a lot of unhappiness, because the thing is material things. They did just just give your short ingestion of happy emotion and then you disabuse me very, very quick so yeah, interesting isn't it? Yeah, well, I'm hoping we've giving people some food food for thought today and brought some happiness to their lives. For sure. I wish everybody a happy, very happy Friday weekend. Yes, then I hope everyone gets to enjoy the sun...

...and the thirty two degrees that we're having. Good, but we got to be grateful for it whilst we have it, because you know it's going to be and old we'll be wishing it was hard again. So thank you all for listening and please join us again next week, where we will discuss another topic, and you can connect with us at Instagram at Naked Truth pod and twitter at naked truth underscore pod. Our facebook page is naked truth with Carmen and Olivia, and if you'd like to chat with us, collaborate, share your story, our email address is naked truth pod at gmailcom. And we're hoping to have a special guest coming up soon. We are just trying to arrange a recording date. I will let you know more about that. Tell your friends about us, spread the word, stay honest, stay you and, most of all, stay naked. Ay ked wow. Bye, bye, bye.

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